I'm so rich it's positively embarrassing.

AskMyChocolate · 09-04-2011 01:43AM #1

There was a time when I used to have to hide my wealth, because loads of people had money. But with the onset of the recession, I'm free now to lord my wealth over the paeons.

I've always been poor in material terms, but my time has come. I have one of those huge fcuk off white pasta bowls. I also have a linen napkin.

I cook meals that cost about 37c and pretend I'm in a fine dining establishment. I really love polishing my cutlery.

I give out to myself if there are thumbprints on the plate.

So AHers,what other things do you do in your own little mind to pretend you're rich when you're obviously as poor as fcuk?

Usual rules apply.

Chocolate

Poor Craythur · 09-04-2011 01:45AM

Say I'm "sweating" onions, when in reality I'm simply frying them.

jumpguy · 09-04-2011 01:46AM

Take the Porsche to work instead of the Jag.

General General · 09-04-2011 01:46AM

I pretend (that) I am Larry David.

09-04-2011 01:48AM

Spin around in a chair a load of times til I'm feeling a bit dizzy, but not too much.

Then I walk around the house and slightly fall about the place trying to walk properly, pretending I'm walking around my massive yacht as it wobbles about in the open seas.

TeddyTedson · 09-04-2011 01:48AM

Explain your post again,
do you have monies or not?

epgc3fyqirnbsx · 09-04-2011 01:49AM

I've never been hungry and I've always had enough for a pint. Not to mention the Sky and ESB. And everyone I know is the same.

I wouldn't know poor if it came up and kicked me in the arse. Still pissed off that I had no foreign holiday last year though

Oranage2 · 09-04-2011 01:49AM

Use st Bernard bread insted of toilet roll!

epgc3fyqirnbsx · 09-04-2011 01:50AM

Oranage2 wrote: »

Use st Bernard bread insted of toilet roll!

:-/

must try.

from the fridge.

starbelgrade · 09-04-2011 01:55AM

AskMyChocolate wrote: »

I also have a linen napkin.

Posh cunt.:D

Fair play!

chillywilly · 09-04-2011 01:58AM

I play a millionaire at parties, at least I'd like to.

OutlawPete · 09-04-2011 02:01AM

"It's a sad funny ending to find yourself pretending. A rich man in a poor man's shirt."

..

Glico Man · 09-04-2011 02:04AM

I once used a lens from a pair of broken glasses, with a length of string attached as a monocle... does that count?

CL32 · 09-04-2011 02:12AM

I make the cheapest pasta dinner I can, but feel like a lord when I liberally sprinkle yellow dust out of a can on top of it, as if it were 18 month old cave aged authentic reggiano cheese.

I looked at the can a few days ago and it doesn't even use the word cheese. I think its basically milk powder with yellow dye in it.

To compensate for that I invoke the ' the more the better' rule.

pragmatic1 · 09-04-2011 02:20AM

Pay for small items with big notes and then act nonchalantly while the teller gets my change. By the end of the week reduced to using change.

Abi · 09-04-2011 02:33AM

Talking about money is so common.

/nose in the air

.

civis_liberalis · 09-04-2011 02:35AM

TeddyTedson wrote: »

Explain your post again,
do you have monies or not?

Classic TeddyTedson...

epgc3fyqirnbsx · 09-04-2011 02:36AM

Abi wrote: »

Talking about money is so common.

/nose in the air

.

quite

what I find amusing is how the proletariat have become so literate!
Jolly good show wot wot!

epgc3fyqirnbsx · 09-04-2011 02:40AM

Abi wrote: »

Talking about money is so common.

/nose in the air

.

Actually, to quote this post again but anyway

One of the nicest pieces of dialogue in a movie I have ever seen is in The Aviator when Howard Hughes is in katherine Hepburns gaff and they say that they dont like to talk about money as they find it vulgar. And he says "Well that's because you have it"

Seems pretty relevant to a lot of people I talk to today

Princess Consuela Bananahammock · 09-04-2011 02:44AM

I read the irish news...

Pauleta · 09-04-2011 02:49AM

I wear a blazer and refer to myself as one

RichieC · 09-04-2011 02:50AM

I leave yesterdays paper beside me as I fall asleep so I can wake up to the paper.

Cianos · 09-04-2011 03:09AM

"Poor and content is rich and rich enough"

Son Of A Vidic · 09-04-2011 03:20AM

I just fell of my golden throne laughing after reading this thread.

AskMyChocolate · 09-04-2011 03:21AM

TeddyTedson wrote: »

Explain your post again,
do you have monies or not?

With some nice crusty bread.

AskMyChocolate · 09-04-2011 03:28AM

Poor Craythur wrote: »

Say I'm "sweating" onions, when in reality I'm simply frying them.

Yup. And, forgetting to turn the gas down, is "reducing".

If you reduce that any more and I'll have to call the brigade.

AskMyChocolate · 09-04-2011 03:32AM

TeddyTedson wrote: »

Explain your post again,
do you have monies or not?

We're rich Ted. Rich as astronauts.

AskMyChocolate · 09-04-2011 03:35AM

Cooper Puny Headhunter wrote: »

I've never been hungry and I've always had enough for a pint. Not to mention the Sky and ESB. And everyone I know is the same.

I wouldn't know poor if it came up and kicked me in the arse. Still pissed off that I had no foreign holiday last year though

And for the lady?

AskMyChocolate · 09-04-2011 04:01AM

OutlawPete wrote: »

"It's a sad funny ending to find yourself pretending. A rich man in a poor man's shirt."

..

I missed the reference, but what a cool link. I've been bouncing around the bedsit with my Rothmans tucked into the shoulder of my sleeveless shirt, pretending I can play the guitar.
Glory days.:)

AskMyChocolate · 09-04-2011 04:31AM

starbelgrade wrote: »

Posh cunt.:D

Fair play!

There's no point in making Rogan Josh from scratch unless you're going to dignify it with a decent napkin...

... oh and some Naan bread...

... and a couple of samosas.

Lapin · 09-04-2011 04:47AM

I can't remember the last time I saw money.

For I no longer carry cash.

I'm so rich it's positively embarrassing.

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