Why "sluts" and "studs" are not the same thing, and never will be

sbsquarepants · 05-04-2011 01:44PM

Wazdakka wrote: »

Several groggy Saturday and Sunday mornings after severe alcohol abuse and waking up to a girl that looks like a melted manatee would disagree with you.

I think I need a standards buddy for when I get drunk.

Ha, you sir, have got a way with words!
Though not, it would seem, with the ladies:D

OutlawPete · 05-04-2011 01:48PM

I have to say I notice the term 'man-whore' being used more these days than 'stud' but I think the article is excellent in how it points out just why society judges promiscuous/unfaithful women differently than they would promiscuous/unfaithful men. Doesn't necessarily justify it but certainly sheds light (for those that needed it) as to why there is that so called 'double standard'.

Wibbs · 05-04-2011 01:55PM

The last line "Most people pass off lack of opportunity for virtue" is soooo true I've found.

--Kaiser-- · 05-04-2011 01:58PM

I find it very true that women use the term 'slut' far more often than men

old hippy · 05-04-2011 02:00PM

We are all sluts now

UglyBolloxFace · 05-04-2011 02:03PM

old hippy wrote: »

We are all sluts now

But some of us are looking at the starsSTDs

OutlawPete · 05-04-2011 02:07PM

--Kaiser-- wrote: »

I find it very true that women use the term 'slut' far more often than men

The word 'rape' also I would say.

I very very rarely hear guys using the word but am forever hearing women (joke-inly) saying they are going to rape a guy. I guess this could be put down to the fact that it couldn't be possible (mostly) and so when said it's just used to express how much they want a particular guy sexually.

But yeah, 'slut' is defiantly used more by women and when I do hear guys using the word, it's usually being used as a way of describing (in a good way) how a girl is flaunting herself. As in, that the word will be used with a smile on guy's faces and not with a scowl.

hatrickpatrick · 05-04-2011 02:18PM

MonkeyBalls wrote: »

I explained that in the blog. In a nutshell: it matters when you're choosing a long term partner.
But I agree generally: who gives a damn what people do in their sexual lives. But that's an opinion you're never going to find among the majority of people.

Have to be honest, it doesn't matter remotely to me.
When I have a girlfriend, I don't want her to cheat on me. As long as she doesn't, it's all cool. I honestly don't regard it at even remotely relevant whether she sleeps around when she's single.

Now, if she has a history of being in a relationship and cheating on guys, that's a different story. But they're different moral situations, one is merely about your sexuality and the other is whether you're prepared to be faithful to be someone. There's no reason someone can't be both - sleep around all you like when you're single and still be prepared to have a relationship with somebody during which you don't.

To sum up: If you don't cheat on me, I really couldn't care less how many people you've been with before me.

05-04-2011 02:36PM

Is it really sexist to judge a potential partner on how much pipe she's taken? I don't think it is.. I can perfectly respect women's rights while having a preference.

Bottle_of_Smoke · 05-04-2011 02:45PM

Deleted User wrote: »

Is it really sexist to judge a potential partner on how much pipe she's taken? I don't think it is.. I can perfectly respect women's rights while having a preference.

Somewhere along the way it became acceptable to label any insult or disagreement with a woman sexist rather than the actual meaning.

The most bizarre one I've come across is people claiming prohibiting abortion is sexist.

I don't agree with prohibiting abortion but sexist? eh... no.

It would only be sexist if men were allowed to have abortions but women weren't.

Its somewhat like me complaining about the sexist HSE not letting me have a smear test.

MonkeyBalls · 05-04-2011 03:00PM

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

To sum up: If you don't cheat on me, I really couldn't care less how many people you've been with before me.

That's cool, I hear where you're coming from. At the same time, unfortunately, high promiscuity is strongly correlated with high levels of infidelity. In other words, marrying a girl who has a past of sluttery increases the risks of her cheating on you and divorcing you (as I mentioned in the blog post), not to mention of cuckolding you (getting pregnant by another guy and foisting the kid off on the doting, innocent other guy)

Also, the sad truth that we're shying away from, is that the "proud slut" idea is a lie. Most sluts didn't get enough attention and love growing up. They have low self-esteem and are emotionally imbalanced for the most part. Anecdotally, I've met plenty of sluts and not a single one of them was emotionally healthy. A couple of "ex-sluts" had admitted they were in a bad place in their lives during their "whore phase", but now that they've gotten their self-esteem back, they're not longer like that.

Summary: sluttiness is associated with various other factors (low self-esteem, more likely to be a cheater, etc), not just how many guy's she's slept with.

Wibbs · 05-04-2011 06:31PM

MonkeyBalls wrote: »

Also, the sad truth that we're shying away from, is that the "proud slut" idea is a lie. Most sluts didn't get enough attention and love growing up. They have low self-esteem and are emotionally imbalanced for the most part. Anecdotally, I've met plenty of sluts and not a single one of them was emotionally healthy. A couple of "ex-sluts" had admitted they were in a bad place in their lives during their "whore phase", but now that they've gotten their self-esteem back, they're not longer like that.

I really wouldnt agree there MB. Not in my experience of same anyway. I think it's a bit of a cliche. I've known a fair few "sluts" in my time. Some had low self esteem. The public ones. The women who were real obvious in their sluttery(that should be a word:)). The women other women regarded as "sluts". The rest, indeed the majority I've known? Nope pretty well balanced together women. One of the biggest "sluts" (and cheaters too)I've ever known is and always has been incredibly well balanced emotionally. Really has her stuff together. Though like I said she was/is a very discreet person. I'd say me and only one other mate knows the score. In her circles no one would think of her that way. Goes for a fair few of the very promiscuous women I know and have known. So I'd say public sluts are low self esteem, private ones quite the opposite.

It's like the idea that women go through the "bad boy" phase because they're low in self esteem. Yep again some are, but mostly not so much. They go for the bad boys or so called bad boys because I think it's that they're simply more fun. They're more emotionally engaging, even if they're not so nice emotions, a real rollercoaster ride and that's fun. Yep they grow out of that, but it's a gas while it lasts.

OutlawPete · 05-04-2011 06:39PM

I would agree with Wibbs on that point.

Known many women who would be considered to be "sluts" and they couldn't have come from more loving families nor received more attention as a child .. and vice versa; known many women who are quite prudish and reserved sexually, who had awful things happen to them growing up.

What I have noticed however is how of all the girls I knew growing up, the ones that had loving homes, now have loving relationships. That's not to say they are not the sexual flaunting types, but more that they just aren't using it to attract men who will treat them like crap. In my experience, women who like/attract mean bastards, usually seen one in action when they were growing up.

ottostreet · 05-04-2011 06:45PM

Need moar pics

OutlawPete · 05-04-2011 06:48PM

Original Vagina pic has been removed ..

Apart from where I saved it in my hardrive of course

midlandsmissus · 05-04-2011 07:22PM

OutlawPete wrote: »

Am I the only one who noticed the vagina?

Anyway, great piece .. here it is for those on a mobile or who turn up after the edit

Love the bit on 'white knights'.

What's REALLY REALLy unfair about the above though is men will push, push, push and pressure you into sleeping with them, and then despise you and make you feel like utter dirt when you do. I had slept with 2 boyfriends my whole life, late 20s now, fell for an alpha male b4 xmas who told me he realy liked me. I let him pick me up in our local club at the end of the night and bring me bk to his friends house a few nights. Total alpha male and v.persuasive and i was pretty weak. There were a load of lads in the house so everybody knew and of course he told them I was chasing him. And he treated me like absolute dirt the next morning. I am now known as easy round town and he is just the stud. Nothing feels worse than this, I have actually felt suicidal over it all. Once you're a slut (in a small town) you're condemned as a slut forever. Men have no idea how hard it is being a woman, they don't have the worry of it all. Feeling like a slut is so awful and a man can never know that particular pain...

Raze_them_all · 05-04-2011 07:28PM

My standard response to this.

If a key opens up any lock it's a master key, If a lock is opened by any key then it's a **** lock

pablomakaveli · 05-04-2011 07:40PM

OutlawPete wrote: »

Original Vagina pic has been removed ..

Apart from where I saved it in my hardrive of course

Was that the one at the top of the article?

Pwindedd · 05-04-2011 07:43PM

Raze_them_all wrote: »

My standard response to this.

If a key opens up any lock it's a master key, If a lock is opened by any key then it's a **** lock

But if it only opens each lock once and occasionally gets rusty it's not that masterful - and if there are many similar keys to chose from, even less so !

Feeona · 05-04-2011 07:57PM

http://www.urbanprofessionals.com/5_blog_article.php?id_art=581

You and Cicily should hook up OP, and have a whole brood of children who'll be only too delighted to stay in their defined roles :pac:

Gunsfortoys · 05-04-2011 08:04PM

midlandsmissus wrote: »

What's REALLY REALLy unfair about the above though is men will push, push, push and pressure you into sleeping with them, and then despise you and make you feel like utter dirt when you do. I had slept with 2 boyfriends my whole life, late 20s now, fell for an alpha male b4 xmas who told me he realy liked me. I let him pick me up in our local club at the end of the night and bring me bk to his friends house a few nights. Total alpha male and v.persuasive and i was pretty weak. There were a load of lads in the house so everybody knew and of course he told them I was chasing him. And he treated me like absolute dirt the next morning. I am now known as easy round town and he is just the stud. Nothing feels worse than this, I have actually felt suicidal over it all. Once you're a slut (in a small town) you're condemned as a slut forever. Men have no idea how hard it is being a woman, they don't have the worry of it all. Feeling like a slut is so awful and a man can never know that particular pain...

Have you considered being a nun?

OutlawPete · 05-04-2011 08:26PM

midlandsmissus wrote: »

I am now known as easy round town and he is just the stud. Nothing feels worse than this, I have actually felt suicidal over it all. Once you're a slut (in a small town) you're condemned as a slut forever. Men have no idea how hard it is being a woman, they don't have the worry of it all. Feeling like a slut is so awful and a man can never know that particular pain...

For all you know they could be thinking that they guy was an asshole for using you for sex and leading you on (if that is indeed what he did). You really shouldn't worry what other people think of you. You have one life, concerning yourself with what other's opinions of you are will get you nowhere. Do what YOU want to do in this world, hold your head high and pay ZERO attention to what any other cunt thinks about you.

walshb · 05-04-2011 08:28PM

Poor Craythur wrote: »

Because men who are studs have to work at it, women can get it easier. Many men would hump anything. So it doesn't necessarily show skillz on the woman's part.*

* I'm a woman, before anyone has a go.

I agree fully.

Simple; Out of every 1000 men, I am betting that at most, two or three would refuse a one night stand.

With women, that number is far higher, probably 500 or so.

Men would hump anything, within reason, and particularly when alcohol is involved. It's all down to biology

MonkeyBalls · 05-04-2011 10:27PM

Wibbs wrote: »

I really wouldnt agree there MB. Not in my experience of same anyway. I think it's a bit of a cliche. I've known a fair few "sluts" in my time. Some had low self esteem. The public ones. The women who were real obvious in their sluttery(that should be a word:)). The women other women regarded as "sluts". The rest, indeed the majority I've known? Nope pretty well balanced together women. One of the biggest "sluts" (and cheaters too)I've ever known is and always has been incredibly well balanced emotionally. Really has her stuff together. Though like I said she was/is a very discreet person. I'd say me and only one other mate knows the score. In her circles no one would think of her that way. Goes for a fair few of the very promiscuous women I know and have known. So I'd say public sluts are low self esteem, private ones quite the opposite.

It's like the idea that women go through the "bad boy" phase because they're low in self esteem. Yep again some are, but mostly not so much. They go for the bad boys or so called bad boys because I think it's that they're simply more fun. They're more emotionally engaging, even if they're not so nice emotions, a real rollercoaster ride and that's fun. Yep they grow out of that, but it's a gas while it lasts.

How big of a slut is she, how many cocks? I still don't think that one epic-slut who's demure and lacking in histrionics contradicts the point that most sluts are lacking in self-esteem, as replicated studies have shown. Very few sluts are "public sluts".

(Incidentally, thank god for sluts. It would suck if you had to have a relationship every time you wanted a shag).

MonkeyBalls · 05-04-2011 10:30PM

walshb wrote: »

I agree fully.

Simple; Out of every 1000 men, I am betting that at most, two or three would refuse a one night stand.

With women, that number is far higher, probably 500 or so.

Men would hump anything, within reason, and particularly when alcohol is involved. It's all down to biology

They've done field experiments on that very thing. An attractive chick walks up to men on a college campus and says something like "hey, i've seen you around and find you very attractive...would you sleep with me?"

About 90% of men would agree to sex right away. Almost 0% of women agreed to sex right away.

Dudess · 05-04-2011 10:31PM

MonkeyBalls wrote: »

(Incidentally, thank god for sluts. Their lack of self-esteem is unfortunate, but it's a good way of identifying them if you're looking for more than an easy shag.)

Jesus. See, I'd agree there is, generally speaking, a difference between men and women in this regard (although some women simply enjoy ****ing lots of different men, it's not an insecurity thing - it's just difficult for many to accept; and men who are promiscuous aren't always referred to as legends, studs etc) but comments/attitudes like the above... sigh.

Ectoplasm · 05-04-2011 10:39PM

MonkeyBalls wrote: »

(Incidentally, thank god for sluts. It would suck if you had to have a relationship every time you wanted a shag).

This would seem to imply that every woman who has sex outside of a relationship is a slut. If that's the case then nearly every woman I know qualifies! You do know that women actually enjoy sex too right?

MonkeyBalls · 05-04-2011 10:43PM

Dudess wrote: »

Jesus. See, I'd agree there is, generally speaking, a difference between men and women in this regard (although some women simply enjoy ****ing lots of different men, it's not an insecurity thing - it's just difficult for many to accept; and men who are promiscuous aren't always referred to as legends, studs etc) but comments/attitudes like the above... sigh.

Well, I did edit it out before you leaped in like a ninja because I knew someone would unthinkingly whinge.

But so what? If you want a meaningful relationship you should aim for someone with high self-esteem rather than low self-esteem. How controversial!

And yeah, I repeat, sluts are fantastic - and it's a pity most of them are not emotionally healthy.

[my interwebs is playing up, this is my third time to hit send]

MonkeyBalls · 05-04-2011 10:45PM

EMF2010 wrote: »

This would seem to imply that every woman who has sex outside of a relationship is a slut. If that's the case then nearly every woman I know qualifies! You do know that women actually enjoy sex too right?

strawman

Dudess · 05-04-2011 10:48PM

"I don't respect women who put out easily, but I'll still be part of said 'putting-out'". That's the double standard that pisses me off, not so much the "Guy gets around - legend; girl gets around - slut" one as it's not as straightforward as that.

Why "sluts" and "studs" are not the same thing, and never will be

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