Funnies

MonkieSocks wrote: »

Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite -

All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary

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I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill.

Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.

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My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 5 hours to hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak

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I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper.

To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.

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After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy.

Nothing :eek:

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Just had my water bill of £100 drop on my mat.

That's a lot.

Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just £2 a month.

Time to change supplier I think.

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2 women called at my door and asked what bread I ate, when I said white they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes....


I think they were Hovis Witnesses.

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I was beaten to a lead role in a film, and have planned to get my revenge with Matt Damon ever since.


I'll make him wish he'd never been Bourne.


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I was sitting on the train this morning opposite a really sexy Thai bird.

I thought to myself, "Please don't get an erection, Please don't get an erection".

But she did.

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I was walking along the beach today, when I stopped to throw pebbles in the sea.

The wife will go mad, she loved that dog.

Attie wrote: »

Tiger Woods got himself two blow up sex doll's incase he gets a hole in one.