Social etiquette that you can never figure out.

pickarooney · 22-12-2010 10:22AM

When you're in the back of the car and the passenger in the front gets out, do you get out and move up front?

The whole kiss/handshake thing can get very awkward when there are a few people you know well and one you don't know all that well.

How do you talk to the new partner of half a couple that you know that split up? Do you make nice for the sake of one friend or give the old cold-shoulder in support of the other?

Do you take off your shoes in other people's houses?

Do you give your seat to someone who could be in their 70s but also possibly in their 50s or on the fat/pregnant border?

When someone is stammering do you fill in the words or let them keep going until they spit it out?

This one only happened once but it was embarrassing for one person and hilarious for everyone else, but I still can't figure out what we should have done:

One of the toilet doors at work had a dodgy lock. You had to pull the key out very slightly in order to turn it, maybe half a centimetre. Once you knew how it was easy to open, but everyone had had a brief panicky moment when it seemed stuck. Two of us were in the break room across the hall one day and could hear a familiar jiggling. Thinking nothing of it, we continued our converstaion as the scraping got ever more frantic. I guessed it was the new girl as I'd seen her on the landing a moment before and she would probably be the only person unable to open it. Still, it seemed normal to just let her figure it out like everyone else had.

Five minutes went by and it just got funnier and funnier as we couldn't figure out if it would be more embarrassing to ask if she wanted help and talk her out of there or just let her jiggle her way to freedom. A small crowd had built up in the break room by this stage. Eventually the sensible lady from down the hall passed by and after a few giggles knocked on the door and calmy talked the girl through the key-turning process, then scolded us all while trying not to piss herself laughing.

The same young wan, on her first day - introductions made and I go in for the old one-two on the cheeks but she backs off. Nonchalant whistle and an awkward handshake while I tell myself cheek-kissing mustn't be in her culture and I may even have offended her. I notice a few days later that she's kissing away with all and sundry and not wanting to go through the same scenario again or worse, shake her hand, I studiously avoided getting withing two metres of her for about a month. Eventually we end up at the water cooler at the same time and I freeze. She looks at me funny and gives me the regulation cheek-kiss. Turns out she had a cold sore on her first day.

fulhamfanincork · 22-12-2010 10:32AM

CharlesHaughey wrote: »

If you travel by limo you sit at the back.

Yes, because I do tend to get a limo to help me bring home my grocery shopping.

fulhamfanincork · 22-12-2010 10:34AM

pickarooney wrote: »

Do you take off your shoes in other people's houses?

What the f**k? You'd take 'em off if you were asked too by the host but if not then it would just be plain weird.

pickarooney · 22-12-2010 10:35AM

fulhamfanincork wrote: »

What the f**k? You'd take 'em off if you were asked too by the host but if not then it would just be plain weird.

What if they have their shoes off but don't specifically ask you?

fulhamfanincork · 22-12-2010 10:36AM

pickarooney wrote: »

What if they have their shoes off but don't specifically ask you?

Just no.

Say you walked in on them and they were having sex, they are hardly going to ask you to hop in are they?

prinz · 22-12-2010 10:41AM

pickarooney wrote: »

When you're in the back of the car and the passenger in the front gets out, do you get out and move up front?

Depends who is driving.

pickarooney wrote: »

The whole kiss/handshake thing can get very awkward when there are a few people you know well and one you don't know all that well.

Oh yes. This one is a pickle.

Have experienced all sorts of mishaps, gone for the kisses and been jabbed in the ribs with a hand, put out my hand for a handshake and been kissed, gone for kisses and handshakes and been hugged, and on one occassion gone for a hug which totally freaked out the other person (had met him the night before and he insisted on a hug, what I didn't know was that he was completely inebriated and didn't have a clue who I was the next day)

pickarooney wrote: »

How do you talk to the new partner of half a couple that you know that split up? Do you make nice for the sake of one friend or give the old cold-shoulder in support of the other?

Make nice for the sake of the new partner tbh.

pickarooney wrote: »

Do you take off your shoes in other people's houses?

I always offer on a first visit, and after that I do it automatically. I always do it in my own place too so people should take the hint when they see all the shoes lined up at the door.

pickarooney wrote: »

Do you give your seat to someone who could be in their 70s but also possibly in their 50s or on the fat/pregnant border?

Yes if it looks like standing could be an issue for them.

pickarooney wrote: »

When someone is stammering do you fill in the words or let them keep going until they spit it out?

Let them at it.

pickarooney · 22-12-2010 10:43AM

Could you live with the shame of dragging your mucky boots over their living room carpet though? Even ignoring the fact that they're boning in the hallway with the door unlocked and you didn't think to knock/ring.

Boom__Boom · 22-12-2010 10:44AM

pickarooney wrote: »

When you're in the back of the car and the passenger in the front gets out, do you get out and move up front?
No you ride in the back and pretend you are being chauffered

The whole kiss/handshake thing can get very awkward when there are a few people you know well and one you don't know all that well.
This is a great excuse to lip locks with someone new. Make sure to go deep with the tongue.

How do you talk to the new partner of half a couple that you know that split up? Do you make nice for the sake of one friend or give the old cold-shoulder in support of the other?
In any split you have to pick a side. The person you reject automatically becomes dead to you and should be ignored in all but life-or-death situations, in which case you may share an awkward grimace.

Do you take off your shoes in other people's houses?
No unless you are in Japan. Otherwise feck the f.uck off

Do you give your seat to someone who could be in their 70s but also possibly in their 50s or on the fat/pregnant border? Either stand or feign sleep when seated. This avoids all awkwardness.

When someone is stammering do you fill in the words or let them keep going until they spit it out?
Lifes too short - fill in the words.

This one only happened once but it was embarrassing for one person and hilarious for everyone else, but I still can't figure out what we should have done:

One of the toilet doors at work had a dodgy lock. You had to pull the key out very slightly in order to turn it, maybe half a centimetre. Once you knew how it was easy to open, but everyone had had a brief panicky moment when it seemed stuck. Two of us were in the break room across the hall one day and could hear a familiar jiggling. Thinking nothing of it, we continued our converstaion as the scraping got ever more frantic. I guessed it was the new girl as I'd seen her on the landing a moment before and she would probably be the only person unable to open it. Still, it seemed normal to just let her figure it out like everyone else had.

Five minutes went by and it just got funnier and funnier as we couldn't figure out if it would be more embarrassing to ask if she wanted help and talk her out of there or just let her jiggle her way to freedom. A small crowd had built up in the break room by this stage. Eventually the sensible lady from down the hall passed by and after a few giggles knocked on the door and calmy talked the girl through the key-turning process, then scolded us all while trying not to piss herself laughing.

The same young wan, on her first day - introductions made and I go in for the old one-two on the cheeks but she backs off. Nonchalant whistle and an awkward handshake while I tell myself cheek-kissing mustn't be in her culture and I may even have offended her. I notice a few days later that she's kissing away with all and sundry and not wanting to go through the same scenario again or worse, shake her hand, I studiously avoided getting withing two metres of her for about a month. Eventually we end up at the water cooler at the same time and I freeze. She looks at me funny and gives me the regulation cheek-kiss. Turns out she had a cold sore on her first day.

That is all.

PandyAndy · 22-12-2010 10:44AM

Lady von Purple wrote: »

So, eh... How 'bout that local sports team? Me, I'm short-sighted so my big problem is 'that looks like my friend... it is, isn't it? maybe it's not. okay, stop looking in case it's not him. now look again, then look at something else so it looks like I'm just looking around and not at him. ah, it is him! Okay, no, that's a woman.'

Haha yea, sure they're really...good? Their defence was a little stiff and uncoordinated though in their last match. Luckily though their goalie was on top form, or something... So... the weather, jaysus it's wicked could out isn't it?

NoDice · 22-12-2010 10:46AM

Rockery Woman wrote: »

People saying "how are you?" then legging it!:D

Hate this too!

Also get confused about what I should do when you're, say, sitting on a bus and having a good look at someone but then they turn to look at you and you're caught! Sometimes I jsut try to pretend I'm zoning out and they just happen to be in the way which is weird in itself or other times I go so far as to pretend there was something in my eye!

:(

Or you're with your OH/friend and you've bumped into someone you've met only a few times. You start by saying this is <insert OH's/friend's name here> *cue friendly hellos and handshakes* and this is................ FORGOT THE NAME!! Never know what to do with this one!

fulhamfanincork · 22-12-2010 10:48AM

When I ask someone a question like "how are you?" an they respond by saying "ah sure, you know yourself."

No, I don't know myself and my thoughts on your feelings are subject to alot of guesswork.

Jumpy · 22-12-2010 10:54AM

muboop1 wrote: »

thanks whores

No worries slut.

22-12-2010 10:56AM

Bringing up with an obviously disabled/scarred person "So what's the scar story?"

vangoz · 22-12-2010 11:03AM

Girls talking getting a 15 minute conversation from new born baby weights???

Unless they have to drop a pound and a half for their upcoming super middle weight bout I just dont get it!!!

Kimia · 22-12-2010 11:18AM

Awkwardness when you meet an old friend with their baby and you say God isn't he gorgeous - and they reply narkily it's a she. Recently though I've started to get annoyed with this - how am I supposed to know? they all look the same to me!

The absolute WORST thing though is when you meet somone who has that weird staring problem, where their eyes never leave yours. I get really freaked out in my own head and then become really self-conscious about looking at them and then my eyes start watering and running because I'm trying to keep them open and looking at the starer. I have it in the back of my mind that people don't trust people who don't make eye-contact so i don't want to be seen as dodgy but it's very hard to maintain!

The_Minister · 22-12-2010 11:37AM

Gary4279 wrote: »

I also don't get why a lot of women will brandish a guy a pervert if he approaches them.

I've been chucklin' for about five minutes over this.

Mr. Manager · 22-12-2010 11:54AM

curlzy wrote: »

I only ever lightly grip when I'm shaking hands.

Ghey

22-12-2010 11:59AM

pickarooney wrote: »

The same young wan, on her first day - introductions made and I go in for the old one-two on the cheeks but she backs off. Nonchalant whistle and an awkward handshake while I tell myself cheek-kissing mustn't be in her culture and I may even have offended her. I notice a few days later that she's kissing away with all and sundry and not wanting to go through the same scenario again or worse, shake her hand, I studiously avoided getting withing two metres of her for about a month. Eventually we end up at the water cooler at the same time and I freeze. She looks at me funny and gives me the regulation cheek-kiss. Turns out she had a cold sore on her first day.

Are you supposed to actually kiss the person? It's not just an air kiss without any contact? :eek:

fulhamfanincork wrote: »

What the f**k? You'd take 'em off if you were asked too by the host but if not then it would just be plain weird.

Not really. Some people just expect you to take off your shoes, assuming everyone does it. I always just ask if I should take them off, then they either say 'ah no it's fine, but thanks for asking' or 'yes please', saves the awkward situation of them having to ask me to do it.

Ficheall · 22-12-2010 12:29PM

What's d craic?

FouxDaFaFa · 22-12-2010 12:44PM

Brynlee Strong Pint wrote: »

Are you supposed to actually kiss the person?

Pickarooney is in France according to his location, that would be standard there. What no-one told me is that it is also French custom to kiss three times when you meet someone for the first time. I would lean in for the standard two, back away and then get very confused when the person came back for more!

22-12-2010 01:18PM

FouxDaFaFa wrote: »

Pickarooney is in France according to his location, that would be standard there. What no-one told me is that it is also French custom to kiss three times when you meet someone for the first time. I would lean in for the standard two, back away and then get very confused when the person came back for more!

I live in a Francophone country as well, but everyone seems to do air kisses, so it wouldn't occur to me to not kiss someone if I had a cold sore. I suppose it's very easy to accidentally touch the skin. As for the number of kisses, it depends on the location. Where I used to work, near Paris, it was four kisses! Every day! Just too much. Much prefer the awkward wave.

godscop · 22-12-2010 01:33PM

Using a disabled toilet ,a wheelchair user got angry with me. I had to go and coudnt wait. He shouted use your own toilet.......cant its miles away mate. Took ages and left him waiting banging on the door.

checkyabadself · 22-12-2010 02:22PM

I think etiquette should be taught in school. The majority of people in my experience seem to have learned how to interact with each other through embarrassing trial and error.

It bothers me too see how manners have died a death with so many people these days. Holding doors, table manners and the art of conversation are lost on the majority of people I would meet in a day.

I find it saddening to see people wearing hats indoors, ordering dessert while others are still having dinner and not offering someone a drink upon entering their house..."help yourself", seems to be the replacement.

I was embarrassed when someone once criticised my diction for using the word rape outside of their limited understanding of the words multiple uses.

pickarooney · 22-12-2010 02:36PM

FouxDaFaFa wrote: »

Pickarooney is in France according to his location, that would be standard there. What no-one told me is that it is also French custom to kiss three times when you meet someone for the first time. I would lean in for the standard two, back away and then get very confused when the person came back for more!

I went to a birthday party once with people from 4 different regions, some of whom did & kiss, others 2, some 3 and others 4. The amount of headbutts and wild lunges going on that day!

I've never seen anyone air-kiss except on American television.

BigDuffman · 22-12-2010 03:02PM

On the bus you end up sitting beside someone. But as the bus clears some free double seats become available. Do you move immediately? Or do you just stay where you are?!

On the bus and you have the choice of seats someone of different gender/ race / amount of limbs or someone similar to yourself? Which to choose!?!

The only definite thing I do is to make sure I sit beside those knackers who intimidate people at the back of the bus. Hate the way they put people off sitting down up stairs. Usually end up with an earfull of scooter played on their mobiles speaker and a head ache from the nasal whining voices.

NoDice · 22-12-2010 03:07PM

checkyabadself wrote: »

Holding doors, table manners and the art of conversation are lost on the majority of people I would meet in a day.

The holding doors thing gets me alright. Think it's annoying when you're clearly behind someone and they can't even wait two seconds to hold the door. Or of course if you've decided to hold the door and the person behind you walks straight out without so much as a thank you.

However, reminds me of yet another awkward social situation I've often found myself in (beginning to realise from this thread how awkward a person I really am...

).

I've often found myself leaving work and I'll hold open the door for someone behind me - Only to realise they are pretty far away and have to run a little to get to the door..

Novella · 22-12-2010 03:08PM

BigDuffman wrote: »

On the bus you end up sitting beside someone. But as the bus clears some free double seats become available. Do you move immediately? Or do you just stay where you are?!

+ a million.

If you move, does it look a bit rude, a bit, "I don't wanna sit beside you!"? If you don't move, is the other person sitting there just wishing that you would?!

stupidusername · 22-12-2010 03:12PM

BigDuffman wrote: »

On the bus you end up sitting beside someone. But as the bus clears some free double seats become available. Do you move immediately? Or do you just stay where you are?!

Hate this too. luckily it doesn't happen too often. I think I've moved a few times, others I've stayed, probably if I'm close to my stop anyway.

NoDice wrote: »

The holding doors thing gets me alright. Think it's annoying when you're clearly behind someone and they can't even wait two seconds to hold the door. Or of course if you've decided to hold the door and the person behind you walks straight out without so much of a thank you.

Totally disagree with this. I mean I agree with not letting a door slam in someones face but I hate when someone too far ahead of you does it and you feel like you've to rush to let them go. AND I hate that people expect a thank you for you holding a door open. I mean if it's someone that clearly needs help and you do it then fine, but I'm able bodied I can open a door myself so don't expect you to do it for me, and sure as hell don't expect to get a face from you just cause I don't say thank you for doing something I didn't ask you or need you to do :rolleyes:

22-12-2010 03:27PM

pickarooney wrote: »

I went to a birthday party once with people from 4 different regions, some of whom did & kiss, others 2, some 3 and others 4. The amount of headbutts and wild lunges going on that day!

I've never seen anyone air-kiss except on American television.

Just asked my Belgian colleague and he says it's definitely normal to air kiss (cheek to cheek) if you're not close to the person. I experienced the same in France and Spain. I'd be a bit shocked if someone planted a full on kiss on my cheek when I arrived at work.

As for the door-holding-open thing, I wouldn't necessarily say thank you to the person, but I'd smile or nod or acknowledge it in some way. Why wouldn't you?

checkyabadself · 22-12-2010 03:38PM

NoDice wrote: »

The holding doors thing gets me alright. Think it's annoying when you're clearly behind someone and they can't even wait two seconds to hold the door. Or of course if you've decided to hold the door and the person behind you walks straight out without so much of a thank you.

That's a shame but it doesn't bother me much as altruism is seldomly reciprocated these days.

What does bother me is when a stranger holds a door for me and I say "thank you sir", the reply is all too often, "You don't have to call me sir". To which I reply, "Would you prefer madam?".

Social etiquette that you can never figure out.

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