Beat this, split up over a pair of pants!

LegacyUser · 03-07-2010 07:52PM #1

My partner of 8 years just walked out, and all (apparently) because of a pair of pants. Last week I was re-doing my roots, the bottle slipped and some dye got on his pants. At the family function I was doing my roots for, he noticed the dye. I immediately apologised and said I would replace the pants.

Then we both forgot about it, Until Friday when he put on the pants and then had a screaming go at me for ruining his pants. Not only had I ruined his pants but according to him there was some weird intricate elaborate plot wherein I was attempting to hide his pants and pretend I hadn’t gotten dye on them. Confused? So was I!!

Anyway he hasn’t spoken to me since Friday morning except at 8pm today to collect some of his stuff and say he would be back during the week to collect the rest. He stormed out of the house at 1pm Friday and the next words he said to me were on Saturday at 8pm and were “I’ll be back for my stuff during the week.”

Does this sound utterly INSANE to anyone else? Has he left an 8 year relationship over a pair of pants? That I have said I’ll replace? There must be some other issue here, right? That he’s refusing to talk about? If so why is he pretending this is about pants that I’ve already said I’ll replace? Should I try to ask him to talk about what's really bothering him? Or should I cut my losses with a guy who'll end an 8 year relationship over (apparently) a pair of pants?

jurgenscarl · 03-07-2010 08:33PM

I'm sure there is more to this than just the pants.

Perhaps it's just the straw that broke the camel's back?

If you have had a history of petty rows over trivial things for years and years and years it can blow up just like this or if you had major rows in the past the pants incident could have opened old wounds. Only you and your partner can answer that.

However this is quite frankly a ridiculous way to end a long term relationship over a pair of pants.

I think you should leave him to cool off and hopefully you two in future can have more a rational discussion about what is real problem in your relationship.

encore1 · 03-07-2010 08:36PM

wow. slight over reaction to say the least, but yeah, i reckon there's way more to it than just the pants....people are so odd!

until he's ready to talk about the real issue, like a grown adult, then there's not really a whole lot you can do i'm afraid. i'd give it a few days though and see if he calms down

Ickle Magoo · 03-07-2010 08:39PM

You spilt dye on his trousers (I assume you don't mean pants as in underwear?) and you didn't tell him...why didn't you tell him? Presumably you'd need to clean them or something because hair dye stinks?

I think if this is the only thing driving his wish to end the relationship then yes, that's a bit bonkers but generally people put up with and swallow and ignore and bicker until one day even the most insignificant event just pushes them over the edge...could it be something like that?

Miss Fluff · 03-07-2010 08:52PM

The split has very little if anything to do with his pants. Truly. You don't actually believe that do you? Sounds like it was the straw that broke the camel's back or he was looking for a (totally ridiculous) order to make it easier to break up with you. STRANGE way to behave tbh...

LegacyUser · 03-07-2010 09:01PM

Miss Fluff wrote: »

The split has very little if anything to do with his pants. Truly. You don't actually believe that do you? Sounds like it was the straw that broke the camel's back or he was looking for a (totally ridiculous) order to make it easier to break up with you. STRANGE way to behave tbh...

That's exactly what I think. That there's NO WAY this can all be over a stupid pair of 3 year old pants that I have already agreed to replace with a brand-new pair of pants. What I think is, there's something bothering him that he's not telling me and if after 8 years he can't tell me then he never will....

Miss Fluff · 03-07-2010 09:08PM

You need to have that conversation with him OP. If it is over, you do deserve an honest explanation....

LegacyUser · 03-07-2010 09:14PM

Thank you Miss Fluff, I hope one day he will be mature enough to have that conversation. Unfortunately I have no reason to believe he will do this any time in the near future...

smiles302 · 03-07-2010 11:47PM

It must be worth attempting? You've been with him 8 years, I assume you like the guy. Has he done anything like this before?

When he comes to collect his stuff, be calm and ask him to sit down and talk to you. Ask him what is wrong.

LegacyUser · 04-07-2010 02:12AM

A huge thanks to everyone who replied, I cannot believe this is about a pair of (replaceable) pants. There must be something else, something below the surface but wtf can I do if he will not discuss the "sometihng else" with me? What should I do? Start guessing?

MistyCheese · 04-07-2010 02:36AM

8 years. 1 pair of pants. No. It can't really be about the pants. Unless you're leaving out a massive part of the story.

Unless these are a very special pair of pants. Is this the very first time you've gotton dye on something? The oddest thing is that you've said you'll get him another pair of pants and he's still kicking up a fuss. Sounds like he just wants to kick up a fuss and is using the first thing he can.

Any chance of asking him what's really wrong?

anewme · 04-07-2010 08:28AM

I broke up with my partner of 13 years over a puncture on a car. Its not really about the trousers or the puncture on the car. There are obviously underlying issues which has pushed one or both of you to breaking point.

I remember a huge row over a burst tyre. It was vicious, but was just building and building for ages. I think we had both realised we had grown apart (especially me) On that Saturday morning, I was at cracking point, I put the lead on the dog, walked to my mam's and said "I am never going back there" 10 years later, I never did.

I reckon it is the same in this case.

amdublin · 04-07-2010 09:37AM

Think we need to stop talking about "the pants"

OP how are you feeling about the breakup? Were you happy otherwise prior to this argument?? Or do you feel this was just the final straw that broke the camel's back?

Btw can we stop calling them "pants"??? Pants to me are underpants! We're talking about trousers here aren't we?!

Eve_Dublin · 04-07-2010 10:55AM

amdublin wrote: »

Think we need to stop talking about "the pants"

OP how are you feeling about the breakup? Were you happy otherwise prior to this argument?? Or do you feel this was just the final straw that broke the camel's back?

Btw can we stop calling them "pants"??? Pants to me are underpants! We're talking about trousers here aren't we?!

They call them pants down the country and trousers in Dublin.

Agreed OP...broke up with an ex over me walking home to slow in a pair of very high heels after a wedding 4 years ago. Another one I broke up with over sunburn, another one over football.....but of course we didn´t actually break up for these reasons...we were driving each other mad to the point where every little thing irritated us about each other. Tipping point.

I hate to say it but prepare yourself for the worst and DEMAND and explanation. You deserve that at least.

Chinafoot · 04-07-2010 11:32AM

Pant_Wrecker wrote: »

My partner of 8 years just walked out, and all (apparently) because of a pair of pants. Last week I was re-doing my roots, the bottle slipped and some dye got on his pants. At the family function I was doing my roots for, he noticed the dye. I immediately apologised and said I would replace the pants.

Then we both forgot about it, Until Friday when he put on the pants and then had a screaming go at me for ruining his pants. Not only had I ruined his pants but according to him there was some weird intricate elaborate plot wherein I was attempting to hide his pants and pretend I hadn’t gotten dye on them. Confused? So was I!!

So you got dye on them, didn't tell him and let him wear them to a family function and only apologised and offered to replace them when he noticed the stain? Personally, if my OH damaged something of mine and didn't tell me I'd be pretty annoyed too.

Look, I don't think he broke up with you over the trousers themselves, but perhaps you have a history of this kind of inconsiderate behaviour that he feels he can't deal with anymore.

Yes you do need to have a conversation with him, but perhaps before that happens you could try to be a bit self-aware and think back if there have been other occasions like this.

LegacyUser · 04-07-2010 01:06PM

Chinafoot wrote: »

Look, I don't think he broke up with you over the trousers themselves, but perhaps you have a history of this kind of inconsiderate behaviour that he feels he can't deal with anymore.

Yes you do need to have a conversation with him, but perhaps before that happens you could try to be a bit self-aware and think back if there have been other occasions like this.

Thank you, he's got to be pissed at me about more then some cheese.

SheRa · 04-07-2010 11:10PM

So p[isd! wrote: »

Thank you, he's got to be pissed at me about more then some cheese.

iguana · 05-07-2010 07:58AM

OP, have you talked to him since? Was there any tension building before this or was everything fine as far as you could tell. Is this a complete shock to you or if you think about it honestly was this maybe on the horizon for quite a while now and the dye on the pants was just the straw that broke the camel's back?

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

They call them pants down the country and trousers in Dublin.

Ah no, the etymology is trousers in England (except Liverpool) and Scotland and pants in every other English speaking country, US, Canada, Australia and Ireland (and Liverpool). If sections of Dublin call them trousers it's a west-Brit thing.

LegacyUser · 05-07-2010 09:42PM

Can't believe you think this is about a pair of pants. Clearly there was a drip...drip...drip..drip.... series of annoyances which exploded into the breakup scenario.

m@cc@ · 05-07-2010 11:04PM

iguana wrote: »

Ah no, the etymology is trousers in England (except Liverpool) and Scotland and pants in every other English speaking country, US, Canada, Australia and Ireland (and Liverpool). If sections of Dublin call them trousers it's a west-Brit thing.

Sorry to go off-topic but their called trousers almost universally in the UK including Scotland. Hence that song 'Donald, where's your trousers?' They may also be called 'trews' but never 'pants'.

iguana · 05-07-2010 11:30PM

m@cc@ wrote: »

Sorry to go off-topic but their called trousers almost universally in the UK including Scotland. Hence that song 'Donald, where's your trousers?' They may also be called 'trews' but never 'pants'.

I said England and Scotland is where they are trousers, with the notable exception of Liverpool where pants is more commonly used.

Asphyxia · 05-07-2010 11:54PM

I agree with alot of the other posters. It seems that he was just looking for an easy excuse to get out of the relationship. You could try talking to him but I can't see there being much luck. The best thing you could do is cut your losses and move on. I know it's easier said than done especially after 8 years!! But it's better than being in a relationship with someone who doesn't really want this. He seems to be nothing but pethetic and immature to walk out on you over something as ridiculous as this.

Beat this, split up over a pair of pants!

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