how to get over jealousy?

LegacyUser · 14-06-2010 09:58PM #1

hi guys, just want to ask how can i stop being so jealous of my girlfriend? i a so insecure i accuse her of cheating everytime shes out. i no shes not but i just blurt out and feel sh1t when shes out with other guys. i have no trust in her at all. i want to make our relawtionship work but i'm ruining it. please give me some advice. i really want to trust her. thanks

m@cc@ · 15-06-2010 12:14AM

Look at why you don't trust her would be a start. Is it you? Is it her? Or is it both?

pwd · 15-06-2010 01:36AM

Yeah...Some more context about her going out with other guys while her bf is at home might be useful here...
Impossible to know from here whether she is the biggest tease and headwrecker on the planet, or the soundest most straightforward girl you could meet.

Whatever the story is with her, fixating on paranoid ideas and blurting out accusations is not good. If she is cheating on you, you are just making yourself look like a spa really. If she is not doing anything wrong, then you are also upsetting her, and messing up your relationship.
If you think an idea could be a paranoid product of your imagination, put it aside. Loads of people worry about all sorts of things.

fungun · 15-06-2010 07:11AM

have you been unfaithful in the past?

Sometimes the fact that you are unfaithful (or would like to be) and you know what goes on in your head makes you assume that everyone thinks like this and its hard to imagine someone wanting to be faithful. Being truly faithful yourself can help you realise that faithfulness does work and people do want it....being trustworthy enables you to trust others.

LegacyUser · 15-06-2010 10:30AM

We were together for 2 years, then I went on holidays and we had a break when we got back, her choice, turns out she was meeting another guy for our 'break' and never told me. Anyways we got back together and I've just finished college now (few weeks ago) and we broke just before it. She wanted 'space'... again she was meeting another guy on the break.. We've recently got back together and I really love her, but I just can't stop thinking shes off with someone. I see pics of her on social networking sites with her guy friends with their arms around her and it kills me and then we end up fighting... but she just tells me they're friends... I've never cheated on her and never plan do, would'nt like to cause someone pain.
I know she hasn't exactly cheated on me because we weren't together, but it feels like she did. Hope someone understands? Thanks

kenbrady · 15-06-2010 11:32AM

jealousboyfriend wrote: »

We were together for 2 years, then I went on holidays and we had a break when we got back, her choice, turns out she was meeting another guy for our 'break' and never told me. Anyways we got back together and I've just finished college now (few weeks ago) and we broke just before it. She wanted 'space'... again she was meeting another guy on the break..

You have no need to be jealous of other guys. She is not going to cheat on you.
She will ask you to go on a break first, then go off with the other guy. When that is over, she'll click her fingers and you'll come running back.

You don't trust her, with good reason, what you described above is messing you around. The relationship is doomed, best to end it now.

annemarie13 · 15-06-2010 01:28PM

Hi op. before i met my boyfriend he was going out with a girl for 2 years. she cheated on him with my boyfriends "friend" he took her back after her begging for him to do so. eventually he had to break up with her because he couldnt stop thinking she was cheating when she was out and he couldnt trust her at all, just like u cant trust your gf.

trust is very important, i dont think she deserves ur trust, ur always going feel uncomfortable thinkig she is cheating. ur better off breaking it off or having a really big chat with her about it.

pwd · 15-06-2010 01:29PM

this:

kenbrady wrote: »

You have no need to be jealous of other guys. She is not going to cheat on you.
She will ask you to go on a break first, then go off with the other guy. When that is over, she'll click her fingers and you'll come running back.

You don't trust her, with good reason, what you described above is messing you around. The relationship is doomed, best to end it now.

and this

pwd wrote:

she is the biggest tease and headwrecker on the planet

I understand.
I suspect you'll ignore us and just continue blaming yourself, and she'll continue seeing how much she can push things. Don't do that though. Listen to rollins band for a while or something.

Marina-anseo · 15-06-2010 05:56PM

jealousboyfriend wrote: »

We were together for 2 years, then I went on holidays and we had a break when we got back, her choice, turns out she was meeting another guy for our 'break' and never told me. Anyways we got back together and I've just finished college now (few weeks ago) and we broke just before it. She wanted 'space'... again she was meeting another guy on the break.. We've recently got back together and I really love her, but I just can't stop thinking shes off with someone. I see pics of her on social networking sites with her guy friends with their arms around her and it kills me and then we end up fighting... but she just tells me they're friends... I've never cheated on her and never plan do, would'nt like to cause someone pain.
I know she hasn't exactly cheated on me because we weren't together, but it feels like she did. Hope someone understands? Thanks

Reverse the scenario and thats me. It doesnt get much easier...9 months later still very little trust in my OH but I keep hoping I can change... Good luck

Wagon · 15-06-2010 06:10PM

jealousboyfriend wrote: »

We were together for 2 years, then I went on holidays and we had a break when we got back, her choice, turns out she was meeting another guy for our 'break' and never told me. Anyways we got back together and I've just finished college now (few weeks ago) and we broke just before it. She wanted 'space'... again she was meeting another guy on the break.. We've recently got back together and I really love her, but I just can't stop thinking shes off with someone. I see pics of her on social networking sites with her guy friends with their arms around her and it kills me and then we end up fighting... but she just tells me they're friends... I've never cheated on her and never plan do, would'nt like to cause someone pain.
I know she hasn't exactly cheated on me because we weren't together, but it feels like she did. Hope someone understands? Thanks

What's going on here is that she likes you for the emotional support and making her feel special. But she wants other guys too. So she spins some story of how she needs space to herself, goes off with another bloke until she's bored and then comes back to you, feeling better and happier in her relationship...

..until she gets bored again.

This isn't a relationship mate. This will keep happening as long as you keep letting her come back to you. Unless you put a stop to this now (ie. break up) it will go on for maybe a few more years until she gets rid of YOU. She might take another break, meet a guy who makes her feel special and then tell you it's over. And believe me, the longer this goes on the harder it will be to get past it.

I know this isn't what you want to hear but I'm afraid it's the truth. The woman sees you as a security blanket and sees others as men she wants to ****. And before you say that she didn't sleep with any of them, how do you know that? Of course you don't trust her! Your head is telling you something here and take it from someone outside the relationship, the voice in your head is right. She might not be cheating on you at the moment but breaking up, getting off with someone else and then getting back together and not telling you about it is pretty much the same.

You sound like a decent bloke. Don't go and waste your time on someone like her. End it now, get rid of phone numbers, facebook accounts and all other lines of communication. Face the misery, be sad and then in a few weeks you'll bounce back when you realise what's been going on. There's much better women out there who won't treat you like crap. The longer you spend with this one, the longer you are without someone nice.

LighterGuy · 15-06-2010 07:30PM

Op, I would listent to the members posts above. 100% accurate.

And you are not the jealous or insecure type. Your head is being wrecked by a user. A stone cold flat out user. Who doesnt care about you. Despite what she might say.

You love this girl. But your common sense is screaming at you. That is what you are feeling right now. As Wagon said above she will keep on doing this break nonsense until she really meets someone she wants to be with. I know thats hurtful. But you have to end it for your sake.

She'll turn around and call you insecure, paranoid etc. Do not listen. They are the defense words of a user / someone who doesnt care.

m@cc@ · 15-06-2010 11:51PM

Please listen to the above posts, OP. Put yourself in her shoes, would you take a break from the relationship and sleep with other girls? I'm guessing not and there's a reason for that. You love her and want to be in a committed relationship. The same is not true for her I'm afraid.

how to get over jealousy?

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