Girl on my mind, can't stop thinking about her

LegacyUser · 09-06-2010 04:50AM #1

Ok so in school I fancied this one girl for 5 years, and I never ever had the courage to say anything. Long story short, a year ago I was out one night and got one of my mates to ask her out for me (I know, stupid!), also he was drunk. She said no anyway.

So I knew a few of her friends okish, so I asked one of them to do it for me. She said she had just got out of a relationship and wasn't ready. Now I don't know if this is a yes or a no? I take it's a no since I havent heard since

I said one day I would approach her and tell her how I feel/have felt, but then thought that would be a silly move. A year has come and gone and now I'm repeating my leaving and she's in college probably pulling in clubs most weekends and loads of guys better than me are spending time with her =[ It makes me so sad

Last year I was out with her and her mates (before the whole asking out stuff happened), and I seen some guys hitting on her and she didn't seem to interested. I could barely contain myself I wanted to just stand up and tell her I was the one for her and she was wasting her time on these guys. I know it sounds so damn stupid =[

I'm not trying to big myself up or put anyone down but I'm a really nice guy, I get on with everyone and I have a good view of life, I think I'm sweet and loyal and could treat a girl right, it depresses me to see some people get attention just because they are pretty when in reality the people have nothing in common or don't like each other. I feel like I'm the perfect person for her and would love to give it a shot, everyday I think about her, and sometimes even I think about the people who are with her randomly in clubs and no one sees her how I do!

I might be obsessive a little but am I really?I think I'm ok looking but I'm a little on the heavy side but I wear it well I believe. I hate being judged by my looks and I'd hate to think this girl has/would. Everyday I think of her and since she is in college now I want to just e-mail her via facebook or w/e and let her know how I feel once and for all, as I doubt we will ever see each other again for years.

bellylint · 09-06-2010 01:07PM

Hey Op,
I would be a lil wary of approaching a girl with the full extent of my feelings if I was not involved with them. I would advocate getting in touch with her though. Ask if she would like to meet up maybe, saying you always enjoyed her company. If you reveal all feelings at once it might scare her a lil. Not a comment on you, but a general one. If a girl did the same to me, I would be flattered but it would probably make me feel unfortable. Plus unless I felt the same way I would not get involved as it would immediately require the relationship to be 'serious'. The best relationships I have had have been ones that have started out as friendships. I am not suggesting hiding your feelings or being duplicitous but rather just not blitzkrieging the girl on the matter. You dont know how the girl feels about you, and limiting your own exposure might help if things dont play out how you would like.

Keep in mind mate, if you do decide not to do anything, you are only holding onto a notion / emotion. It would probably be best to let it go at that point. It will only cause you stress in the end and prevent you from meeting somebody in the short term. If you do decide to do something and it works out , great, if not keep in mind she is her own person and guys in clubs or whatever have as much of a right to approach her as you do. its her decision in the end.

anyways good luck, n hope that makes sense

johanz · 09-06-2010 01:07PM

Just go and ask her, there's nothing to lose.
If she says yes, good for you.
If she says no, there's other girls, don't get upset over one of them.

Ickle Magoo · 09-06-2010 01:16PM

Hey OP,

The only way to stop obsessing and move, for the better or worse, is to get a clear acceptance or rejection...so ask her out and find out which it is! Tho I would advise caution, she knows you fancy her, she knows you wanted to go out with her and she hasn't approached you or contacted you, so look at it as more of having nothing to lose and worth a shot?

Best of luck

fits · 09-06-2010 01:35PM

she's already said no twice.

Move on and get yourself some interests rather than focussing on this girl. Do not tell her how you feel. move on.

LegacyUser · 09-06-2010 02:26PM

hey OP here. Thanks for the replies. The thing is I never was around her much at school, maybe once or twice and even then she never knew. So how should I go about saying it but not going all out? She lives far away, saying it over the internet is not too classy, right? Ideas?

Chinafoot · 09-06-2010 06:39PM

theaterofdreams wrote: »

, saying it over the internet is not too classy, right? Ideas?

As opposed to sending friends over to do it for you?

Look, she said no, twice. If her friend told you she wasn't ready for a relationship then you can be pretty sure that this came from the girl herself. And because she rejected you previously it would seem that she is really not interested.

If it will help you to get over this then perhaps send her an email and tell her how you feel. But based on the evidence, I wouldn't go getting my hopes up.

minidazzler · 09-06-2010 07:18PM

OP, she knows you like her, the feelings are not mutual, don't waste your energies on someone who doesn't want you, and don't blame her for not liking you. There are literally MILLIONS of women who could like you, but you are only focused on one.

Absense does two things, it makes the heart grow fonder, or it puts the out of sight, out of mind principle into play. For you it's obviously the former.

OP, you are so sure noone see's her like you do, but why? Because you are the only one for her or something? This simply isn't true, ye might make a good match maybe, but there are millions of guys that would make a good match for her, and millions of girls that would make a good match for you.

The chances of your perfect girl, your one and only, living down the road from you is basically impossible, there MUST be others out there.

You say you are a little on the heavy side, and that you hate being judged for your looks, well, the fact is, that throughout life you will be judged on your looks, probably a fair bit. Everyone gets judged on their looks at some point, especially in the search for a mate. So if you hate that this might negatively effect her perception of you, then why not lose the weight? This whole thing that someone should love you for who you are, while nobel and everything, isn't right, she should be attracted to you too, and if she isn't attracted to you because you are big, that's not her fault.

So, my advice, either say it to her yourself, or keep your mind off her as best you can by trying with other girls. She is likely to turn you down given she has done so twice already and lives far away now, but it's all you have left to try.

Don't let it get you down though, there are Millions of gorgeous, cool women out there that might want you!

LegacyUser · 09-06-2010 11:40PM

thanks for the nice reply. I know I can fuss and think about it all I want but I believe the fact of the matter is that i need to accept my rejection. as hard is this is i have to respect her wishes. thanks for the nice replies

B.P.D.iva · 14-06-2010 10:28AM

dude you should tell her out straight..i like you etc...i have just been with a guy for 3 months (am female lol like it matters but anyways back to the point woman) and he was really cool. and all that great stuff..but he couldn't tell me how he felt about me..so he dumped after meeting up with him the second time..I was like..dude..seriously you should of just said..I just wanna be. F.B. would of made things sooo much easier...and be cool to meet a nice guy like yourself and say..hey girl am crazy about you etc....if she is high maintainance?? meh I can't spell properly.. cares only about , hair extensions, nails, what you drive and how much you earn.. etc. run away fast!! cos us nice girls suffer after you get involved etc. i am gonna shut up now ummm best of luck x

gpe · 14-06-2010 11:49AM

I have the same problem as the OP.

There's a girl that is on my mind all the time. Being realistic, she probably doesn't even know my name. Or she may like me just the same. If she called me I'd be there. Honestly, I'd come running anywhere.

She's all I need, all my life. I feel so good if I just say the word.

B.P.D.iva · 14-06-2010 11:56AM

omg..i feel for you man i really do, it must be so difficult having all those feelings trapped inside and you can't get them out!! bloody hell, it is v. difficult to tell someone how you feel..me on the other hand..being the way i am i fall for someone way too quickly, and tell them, it scares them off, i feel bad, hurt myself, cos i don't wanna hurt them

..my heart breaks etc. you know how it goes..love bites!! but i don't think anyone truly knows what's out there for them..i wish someone felt that way about me.lol and wouldn't be ashamed to say it me..i'd be feckin thrilled..hope you be ok x

B.P.D.iva · 14-06-2010 12:02PM

and just to clarify for the OP...okay so what if you are on the heavy side..some girls like me don't give a flying F...what you look like..if you have a spark and can have good times and share happiness together why the hell can't we just be happy..i am no oil painting myself and have had struggles with my weight..if she can't see you for who you are..then she is really not worth bothering about mate..go and find someone you can connect with on an emotional level..feck looks and all that crap..grrr some women are just too far up their own you know whats!! and that's mho. x

Glenshane Pass · 14-06-2010 02:32PM

Shocking.

I'm gonna chance it by saying OP, you don't really know this girl at all. Just a crush that has developed into a bit of an obsession. If anything ever did happen, all your cards are on the table, she could walk all over you and you would have no power in the relationship whatsoever. Thats even if you did have a chance.

You don't know this girl, she is not 'the one', even if you did have a lot in common or whatever.

If you are going to approach her, you better get some advice here, I'd be afraid you'd blow it lol.

LegacyUser · 14-06-2010 10:16PM

Hey man, know the feeling. It's not nice.

In my experience, I was building the girl up way too much. She was the only one for me. I knew I was doing it as well, I knew it was silly, but I couldn't stop. Never got a chance to see for myself either what the reality was because I was too afraid to talk to her.

The only way I got over her was to move on to other girls. If you can do that, after a while, you won't even be thinking about her anymore. And if you do have these other experiences, you'll be in a far better position to connect with her at some stage in the future because you won't have her placed on as much of a pedestal as she is now. I've seen similar advice in a lot of other places as well and I really think it's the way to go. Worked for me anyway.

Oh, and one more thing, most girls don't really care what you look like anyway. They care how you carry yourself, whether you're confident or not, whether they have fun when they're with you. There's a lot more to it than that, but I couldn't even begin to claim I know a whole lot about it. Just judging from my own experience, looks aren't unimportant, but they're down the list.

LegacyUser · 16-06-2010 10:33AM

hey guys OP here, thanks for all the great replies. I know at the end of the day it's down to what I want to do but feeling in two minds about it esp. after the advice given in this thread! still thinking is it worth it to tell her, then i feel like a fool for not doing it. hard to decide

Girl on my mind, can't stop thinking about her

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