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How good a parent would you be? (Or are you)

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  • 10-04-2010 5:18pm
    #1
    Pink Adoptions
    Closed Accounts Posts: 121 ✭✭


    What qualities do you have that would make you a good parent?
    What qualities do you miss?
    Do people in your family, or community, comment on you as a potential good parent?

    If it helps, here is a template you can use to post replies (will edit OP with it):
    - What is your relationship to the LGBT community?
    - What is your family and marital status?
    - Do you have or want children?
    - Do you know LGBT people who raise or want to raise children?
    - Do you have a short story to tell about their qualities (or lack of) that makes them more or less good parent material?
    Tagged:


«13

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  • Options
    #2
    Aard
    Registered Users Posts: 4,905 ✭✭✭Aard


    What is the point of this thread?


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    #3
    spinandscribble
    Registered Users Posts: 3,000 ✭✭✭spinandscribble


    i noticed this on the bulletin. Although i'm neither bi or gay Im wondering what's the point of this thread?
    http://irishpinkadoptions.com/ ??

    although the op might find it a fair question to ask they may be unaware that its offensive. You should expect similar answers from straight people, neither straight or gay people make better or worse parents.


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    #4
    Pink Adoptions
    Closed Accounts Posts: 121 ✭✭Pink Adoptions


    It is indeed offensive that this question is asked in our society.
    What is even more offensive if that our laws answer that we are unfit parents just because of our sexuality. We are not worth of founding a family.

    So I ask people to tell their story.
    Simply show people out there that parenthood is as natural to gay people and same-gender couples, as it is to mix-gender couples.

    It is a place for people to testify that they know gay people who are parents, and that they know gay people who want to be parents and are trusted by their community.

    The question is asked because the question is so stupid... that it should be shown how absurd the question is.
    It is obvious to us... still the reality is that it is constantly questioned... in silence.
    And it will only get worst if we get a Civil Partnership excluding expressively parenting rights, as if we were dangerous.

    It is embarrassing to ask the question (as the emoticon used shows), but it is more embarrassing to leave it unanswered, and let ignorant people spew hate portraying gay parenting as somehow "concerning".


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    #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    that website refers to gay couples in the process of or intending to adopt??? would it not be the case that an invidual would be adopt under the pretence it was an adoption by an unattachted person


  • Options
    #6
    Iwasfrozen
    Registered Users Posts: 16,250 ✭✭✭✭Iwasfrozen


    Pink Adoptions wrote: »
    It is indeed offensive that this question is asked in our society.
    What is even more offensive if that our laws answer that we are unfit parents just because of our sexuality. We are not worth of founding a family.
    I am still not sure what the aim of this thread is but from your name I shall assume you are an interest group lobbying to afford couples of the same gender the ability to adopt.

    If so then I would imagine the goal of this thread is to drum up support for your group. Would I be correct in writing this ?


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    #7
    Pink Adoptions
    Closed Accounts Posts: 121 ✭✭Pink Adoptions


    Iwasfrozen wrote: »
    I am still not sure what the aim of this thread is but from your name I shall assume you are an interest group lobbying to afford couples of the same gender the ability to adopt.

    To adopt as a couple, yes, to a certain extent.
    Our main aim is not lobbying: there are groups out there lobbying for equal marriage, and they do a great job.
    Our main group is supporting pink families who cho(o)se to adopt, and to gather information for them, and from them.
    We would like them to tell their story, in ways they may not be used to.
    Iwasfrozen wrote: »
    If so then I would imagine the goal of this thread is to drum up support for your group. Would I be correct in writing this ?

    The goal of this thread, as any other thread/blog/comment/reply here and elsewhere is to participate in the public debate, and challenge preconceptions held by people outside the gay community, but inside it too.

    There is no point in being politically correct when our politicians failed us, our children and our Constitution.

    You can see from our other thread that we do not look for support, but for contributions to the debate we think is useful: http://boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055880030


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    #8
    evolutionqy7
    Registered Users Posts: 6,275 ✭✭✭evolutionqy7


    Pink Adoptions wrote: »
    It is indeed offensive that this question is asked in our society.
    What is even more offensive if that our laws answer that we are unfit parents just because of our sexuality. We are not worth of founding a family

    lol i have nothing against gay or lesbian couples...actually my best mate is gay but i just don't think gay couples or lesbians should be allowed to adopt...it is not right to damage the minds of the child, leaving that out the abuse he will get from other kids for having gay parents... im sure i would want that extra pressure on me especially if i would be an orphan


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    #9
    Pink Adoptions
    Closed Accounts Posts: 121 ✭✭Pink Adoptions


    evolutionqy7 wrote: »
    lol i have nothing against gay or lesbian couples...actually my best mate is gay but i just don't think gay couples or lesbians should be allowed to adopt...it is not right to damage the minds of the child, leaving that out the abuse he will get from other kids for having gay parents... im sure i would want that extra pressure on me especially if i would be an orphan

    Thanks, I think you just made the point of this thread obvious. ;)

    So to avoid homophobic bullying, you just hide the gays away? Is that not what the bullies want us to do?
    Is it not better to use our experience of being a minority bullied by our institutions, to support the adopted child in defending themselves against bullies... rather than us preventively surrendering to them?

    How exactly will the mind of children be "damaged" by being raised by two loving parents, who the HSE reckons have a very strong support network bringing balance in the life of the child: social, gender, emotional balance?
    Does it mean all minorities (e.g., "travelers") should be banned from adopting, because of the potential bullying?

    Just to clarify, at present gay parents are allowed to adopt a child as sole applicant, and to raise the child as a couple.
    The HSE and the law accept that gay people are fit parents.
    What they cannot do is both adopt the child, because they cannot marry.
    So the child can be raised, but the child is not fully protected by two legal guardians.
    That has to be more damaging to the child than the love of her adoptive parents.


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    #10
    destinybabe
    Registered Users Posts: 31 ✭destinybabe


    In the interest of fairness it's not about banning minorities per se,it's about the best interests of the child I know there have to be alot of gay couples out there who would ideally wish to raise a child in a loving enviroment but it can't be disregarded that there are certain challenges which a gay couple will face in bringing up a child,
    Is it not better to use our experience of being a minority bullied by our institutions, to support the adopted child in defending themselves against bullies... rather than us preventively surrendering to them?

    that child can't just be surrounded by the gay community,integration with both is important they need to go to school etc, also why should a child have to grow up having to defend themselves simply because a certain percentage of the population is homophobic or ignorant?

    I'm hope you don't think I'm bullying because thats far from the case I'm only expressing that which alot of people have concerns about on this topic---if you can protect a child from some of Ireland still view as a stigma I say fair enough---Others can be cruel and protecting a child from others reactions is the main problem I think...it takes alot of emotional maturity on the part of any adoptive parent to adopt, I have the greatest of respect for anybody that is making a go of it...hopefully the stigma in Ireland of gay couples adopting will continue to be erroded.


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    #11
    evolutionqy7
    Registered Users Posts: 6,275 ✭✭✭evolutionqy7


    the point i was trying to make the child would believe that being gay is normal, which isn't. Right fair enough when you have feelings for the same sex but don't make another child believe in the same.

    And you cant protect a child from being bullied in his neighbourhood or school. the anti bully system in schools and around neighbourhoods are nill and if you gonna go up to the kids parents their gonna tell ya to **** off fag...i mean i got alot of abuse in school for no good reason and no one would leave me alone unless knuckles were brought into it...and the teachers or principal are useless and powerless. i can be understanding about it some one else can. kids cant and some old fashioned parents, its just another thing to mock cause their oblivious of their own miserable image...


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    #12
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 40,980 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    But when you look at it differently
    evolutionqy7 wrote: »
    lol i have nothing against black couples...actually my best mate is black but i just don't think black couples or mixed race should be allowed to adopt...it is not right to damage the minds of the child, leaving that out the abuse he will get from other kids for having black parents... im sure i would want that extra pressure on me especially if i would be an orphan

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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    #13
    Boston
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,163 ✭✭✭✭Boston


    evolutionqy7 wrote: »
    the point i was trying to make the child would believe that being gay is normal, which isn't. Right fair enough when you have feelings for the same sex but don't make another child believe in the same.

    And you cant protect a child from being bullied in his neighbourhood or school. the anti bully system in schools and around neighbourhoods are nill and if you gonna go up to the kids parents their gonna tell ya to **** off fag...i mean i got alot of abuse in school for no good reason and no one would leave me alone unless knuckles were brought into it...and the teachers or principal are useless and powerless. i can be understanding about it some one else can. kids cant and some old fashioned parents, its just another thing to mock cause their oblivious of their own miserable image...

    About the same percentage of people are gay as are left handed. Would you suggest that being left handed is abnormal? Or simply uncommon? As for bullying, when my uncle went to school in the 1950s he was beaten by teachers and bullied for writing with his left hand. Some though it was the devils work. If we followed your approach, attitudes would never change.


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    #14
    Dr. Baltar
    Registered Users Posts: 1,252 ✭✭✭Dr. Baltar


    I have this debate so many times on the internet, so please allow me to simply post the majority of my arguments as to why I believe same-sex adoption should be legal.

    1. A number of surveys have been carried out in numerous countries investigating the effects that same sex parents have on a child and (I recall a Canadian study) most seem to find that the children get on equally as well as children of heterosexual parents.
    Can't seem to find that beautiful Canadian study so here's an info page instead: http://www.colage.org/resources/facts.htm


    2. "Gays shouldn't have kids because the children will be bullied" - Then by all means let's hide away our Down Syndrome children, our travelling children and our black children because oh my! they might be bullied too! The majority of kids are bullied at some stage anyway.

    3. It is better to have gay parents than no parents!
    Just watch this video and look what happens to kids in China if they're not adopted. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B94trCVCrLo If that's not a reason for gays to adopt them, then I don't know what is!

    evolutionqy7 wrote: »
    the point i was trying to make the child would believe that being gay is normal, which isn't. Right fair enough when you have feelings for the same sex but don't make another child believe in the same.

    Can I convince you to be sexually attracted to a guy? No! You're born like that. My parents are straight, that didn't make me grow up to be straight. You're born on one side of the fence or the other (or you might have splinters in your ass like I do from sitting on it) and that's a result of nature, not nurture.


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    #15
    MultiUmm
    Registered Users Posts: 972 ✭✭✭MultiUmm


    evolutionqy7 wrote: »
    the point i was trying to make the child would believe that being gay is normal, which isn't. Right fair enough when you have feelings for the same sex but don't make another child believe in the same.

    If that were the case homosexuality should be non-existent because most people (up till now) were raised by heterosexuals.


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    #16
    Pink Adoptions
    Closed Accounts Posts: 121 ✭✭Pink Adoptions


    destinybabe wrote: »
    [...]that child can't just be surrounded by the gay community[...]


    And they would not be. Gay parents are parents before being gay. Their community is their friends (a lot of which are not gay, usually even more once they become parents), their family (extended), their neighbors, et al.

    Remember that there are already kids raised by same-gender couple right now, in the real world.
    evolutionqy7 wrote: »
    the point i was trying to make the child would believe that being gay is normal, which isn't. [...]

    Have you told that to your "gay best friend"?
    evolutionqy7 wrote: »
    the point i was trying to make the child would believe that being gay is normal, which isn't. [...]fair enough when you have feelings for the same sex but don't make another child believe in the same. [...]

    My parents were straight... they did not "turn me" straight, even though the whole of society was telling me what you just said: being straight is normal.
    Kids are not in a 2-people sphere of influence where parents shape them at their image. If they are, the parents are just made freaks. Gay is not a religion or a cult... Parents are not gods to kids, just one of many role models.
    Kids are in a community in which they will be told every single day,hour and minute that being normal is being straight.
    Kids are not raised on "the gay scene".

    Also, it is good for any kid to also know that if they happen to be gay, it is normal too.
    So if there is a gay kid in my child's class, and she is unsure if gay is being normal, then she has a positive role model, one of very few, that tells her she is normal.

    "Straight" is not normal. It is just common.
    evolutionqy7 wrote: »
    [...]
    And you cant protect a child from being bullied in his neighbourhood or school. [...]

    Not if you agree with the bullies.

    If you have a child who comes to you at 12, or 15 or 17 and tells you: I am gay. What will you tell her.
    Will you tell her to stay in a closet till she graduates, to avoid bullies trying to force her into a closet?
    Will you make the life of a child hell, to make the life of bullies easier?


    Please do not feel we try to bully you into submission to the "gay agenda".
    I think you should try and talk to your "best gay friend" about how being gay is abnormal, and talk to young gay people about how they should just not be gay to not be bullied: try BeLonG To.
    Once your view on being gay, being young, and being bullied is clearer, then you will see the relationship with adoption.
    You may understand why the HSE thinks that what you suggest is simply illegal.
    You may understand why real-life gay parents are no different from other real life parents: their life is changed by the arrival of a child, they become boring and they like it.


  • Options
    #17
    Pink Adoptions
    Closed Accounts Posts: 121 ✭✭Pink Adoptions


    I think the first two pages have confirmed that within the LGBT community, and that within society at large (mostly) there is an agreement that gay parents can be as good parents as straight parents.

    This thread is to gather some evidence of that, some testimonials about it.
    This thread is not really to repeat the age-old debate about the fitness of gays to parent. That fitness is taken for granted as a premise to this thread.

    If it helps, here is a template you can use to post replies (will edit OP with it):
    - What is your relationship to the LGBT community?
    - What is your family and marital status?
    - Do you have or want children?
    - Do you know LGBT people who raise or want to raise children?
    - Do you have a short story to tell about their qualities (or lack of) that makes them more or less good parent material?


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    #18
    Aard
    Registered Users Posts: 4,905 ✭✭✭Aard


    OP, I think you should give us some more info on who you are. If you had any other username than "Pink Adoptions", I wouldn't ask this. But, as stated above, it's pretty clear that you're representing some organisation.


    Also, the tone of your posts is that of a PR rep and not a concerned citizen.


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    #19
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 40,980 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    Aard wrote: »
    OP, I think you should give us some more info on who you are. If you had any other username than "Pink Adoptions", I wouldn't ask this. But, as stated above, it's pretty clear that you're representing some organisation.


    Also, the tone of your posts is that of a PR rep and not a concerned citizen.

    He's already told us - he has set a website called http://irishpinkadoptions.com/

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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    #20
    evolutionqy7
    Registered Users Posts: 6,275 ✭✭✭evolutionqy7


    Pink Adoptions wrote: »
    Have you told that to your "gay best friend"?

    I really doubt he wants children :)


    "Straight" is not normal. It is just common.

    Good Answer :)


    Not if you agree with the bullies.

    If you have a child who comes to you at 12, or 15 or 17 and tells you: I am gay. What will you tell her.
    Will you tell her to stay in a closet till she graduates, to avoid bullies trying to force her into a closet?
    Will you make the life of a child hell, to make the life of bullies easier?

    well my mate still hides it from his parents by this day because his dad hates gay people


    Please do not feel we try to bully you into submission to the "gay agenda".
    I think you should try and talk to your "best gay friend" about how being gay is abnormal, and talk to young gay people about how they should just not be gay to not be bullied: try BeLonG To.
    Once your view on being gay, being young, and being bullied is clearer, then you will see the relationship with adoption.
    You may understand why the HSE thinks that what you suggest is simply illegal.
    You may understand why real-life gay parents are no different from other real life parents: their life is changed by the arrival of a child, they become boring and they like it.

    mmm i would like you see that to give that speech to a group of 1st year in school and how would they all tell u to **** off...really just be realstic...kids in school are out of control...its a stage where even first and second years carry around knifes and the smallest little thing can set these little bastards off...
    at the end of the day i guess its up to the child to decide...the child should decide weather it wants to be a part of a gay family or not...being an a orphan is hard and life shouldn't be made harder for him only easier...and if they couple are willing to protect him and not ignore it fair enough...
    .


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    #21
    spurious
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Education Moderators Posts: 27,139 CMod ✭✭✭✭spurious


    Had I chosen to be a parent I would have been as good as anyone else who was a first-time parent, straight or gay.

    Next question.


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    #22
    evolutionqy7
    Registered Users Posts: 6,275 ✭✭✭evolutionqy7


    Depends on what's you definition of good :)


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    #23
    Pink Adoptions
    Closed Accounts Posts: 121 ✭✭Pink Adoptions


    evolutionqy7 wrote: »
    Have you told that to your "gay best friend"?
    I really doubt he wants children smile.gif

    I meant, have you told him that you think, like his father does, that gay is not normal...
    Because if he thinks he is not normal, it is not because he is right... it is because he is oppressed. I would think you'd want to support your friend by being on his side, rather than his father's.
    evolutionqy7 wrote: »
    at the end of the day i guess its up to the child to decide...the child should decide weather it wants to be a part of a gay family or not...being an a orphan is hard and life shouldn't be made harder for him only easier...and if they couple are willing to protect him and not ignore it fair enough...

    That does make sense: for children young enough, they take part in the decision in an age appropriate manner.
    If they are too young, the health and legal authorities take the decision on their behalf, in the best interest of the child.
    There is no evidence that the sexuality of the adoptive parent(s) systematically goes against that best interest. There is only long-held irrational prejudices that it may.
    Aard wrote: »
    OP, I think you should give us some more info on who you are. If you had any other username than "Pink Adoptions", I wouldn't ask this. But, as stated above, it's pretty clear that you're representing some organisation.


    Also, the tone of your posts is that of a PR rep and not a concerned citizen.

    Fair enough.
    Andrew, our media spoke-person is preparing a response to these questions, I will post it this evening.

    As Johnnymcg said, we are open to who we are: concerned citizens who work together to voice their concerns about the repeated and sustained breaches of human rights against the gay community and their children. No professional PR there, but a clear line of what the situation is, and what it should be.

    Check out our profile and our website if you want more information, or ask other questions that we will be happy to answer.


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    #24
    evolutionqy7
    Registered Users Posts: 6,275 ✭✭✭evolutionqy7


    Pink Adoptions wrote: »
    I meant, have you told him that you think, like his father does, that gay is not normal...
    Because if he thinks he is not normal, it is not because he is right... it is because he is oppressed. I would think you'd want to support your friend by being on his side, rather than his father's.

    yeah and I always do support him because he always have been to me...its just that hes far away from wanting children right now :)


    That does make sense: for children young enough, they take part in the decision in an age appropriate manner.
    If they are too young, the health and legal authorities take the decision on their behalf, in the best interest of the child.
    There is no evidence that the sexuality of the adoptive parent(s) systematically goes against that best interest. There is only long-held irrational prejudices that it may.

    Again who gives a stranger the right to judge whats best for the child they dont even know...what i mean is how can some woman/man from legal authorities know what's going on in the kids head? how he feels...yeah he might ask them is that ok and etc but kids often lie to avoid confrontation and long uncomfortable conversations...i know this i was a kid once 2 every one of us was :) and i think sometimes we forget to turn our child side on to think from their perspective :)
    .


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    #25
    Boston
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,163 ✭✭✭✭Boston


    Perhaps Mr evolution could evolve the ability to use quotation tags?


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    #26
    Pink Adoptions
    Closed Accounts Posts: 121 ✭✭Pink Adoptions


    evolutionqy7 wrote: »
    [...]Again who gives a stranger the right to judge whats best for the child they dont even know..[...]


    The Law.
    It does for each and every adoption. By anyone, regardless of sexual orientation.

    Unless you prefer to wait till the child is 17 before she is adopted out of an orphanage. But then you would be a stranger to that child, making a decision that is obviously not in her best interest.

    The best interest of the child is always decided by "strangers", with the input that the child can provide at the age the child is at.

    I think you labor under the illusion that adoption is about finding the "perfect parents".
    Adoption is about finding "good enough" parents, otherwise only parents who can have and have children, are Irish over 3 generations, have no diseases in their family, have €100,000 annual income in the civil service, etc., would be allowed to adopt. But they probably would not be looking into adopting...
    Ideally they would also be the birth parents of the child to adopt.

    There is no perfection outside of reality: perfect parents are always "good enough" parents, not imaginary "ideal" parents.


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    #27
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 40,980 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    evolutionqy7 wrote: »
    I meant, have you told him that you think, like his father does, that gay is not normal...
    Because if he thinks he is not normal, it is not because he is right... it is because he is oppressed. I would think you'd want to support your friend by being on his side, rather than his father's.

    yeah and I always do support him because he always have been to me...its just that hes far away from wanting children right now


    That does make sense: for children young enough, they take part in the decision in an age appropriate manner.
    If they are too young, the health and legal authorities take the decision on their behalf, in the best interest of the child.
    There is no evidence that the sexuality of the adoptive parent(s) systematically goes against that best interest. There is only long-held irrational prejudices that it may.

    Again who gives a stranger the right to judge whats best for the child they dont even know...what i mean is how can some woman/man from legal authorities know what's going on in the kids head? how he feels...yeah he might ask them is that ok and etc but kids often lie to avoid confrontation and long uncomfortable conversations...i know this i was a kid once 2 every one of us was and i think sometimes we forget to turn our child side on to think from their perspective .

    I think if I was your friend and heard you saying things like
    it is not right to damage the minds of the child
    the child would believe that being gay is normal, which isn't.

    I wouldn't think that you are supportive (taking the issue of children and whether or not he wants them out of the debate)

    With regard to the second issue - specifically trained people who work for the adoption board and the HSE who have undergone extensive training on best practice in childcare and social work would decide those things - They would assess prospective adopters on the merits of what they can provide for the child and of course It is obvious that the best interests of the child should always be taken into account and that is why we now have a childrens rights ombudsman and a proposed referendum on the rights of the child

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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    #28
    Pink Adoptions
    Closed Accounts Posts: 121 ✭✭Pink Adoptions


    As promised, here is the answer from Andrew, one of our spokespeople (you can find him on QueerID and Gaire, and he answers media questions) :

    - What is your relationship to the LGBT community?
    I am a gay man.

    - What is your family and marital status?
    I am living with a man as spouse and spouse.
    If we could, we would get married.

    - Do you have or want children?
    We are thinking about adopting. We have joined in the foundation of the Irish Pink Adoptions in order to help us take our decision. Once we decide we will contact the relevant authorities.

    - Do you know LGBT people who raise or want to raise children?
    We know of gay people raising children, but not personally. One guy adopted the child of a deceased friend who trusted him over anybody else to raise the child.
    We know of other couples thinking about it, most of whom think it will never happen because there are too many hurdles, especially abroad. (All are confident they could get approved by the HSE, because they are all good with the kids of their kindred.)

    - Do you have a short story to tell about their qualities (or lack of) that makes them more or less good parent material?
    My step-sister trusts us, as a couple, to look after her kids, more than she trusts her husband. (They are still together!)

    I am often enrolled by my sisters to provide relationship advice. One of them says I saved her relationship by providing insight in her relationship; including in the way that, as a woman, she was thinking about her man. I provided gender balance to them!

    Our nephews and nieces (between 6 months of age and 9 years old) consider our relationship to be equal to the relationship of their own parents, and most see us as role models.

    They are not afraid to ask questions that show that they have an understanding of our relationship which is appropriate to their age. At 6 years of age, one of them asked how we will have children, “because men do not have a vagina.” To him, it was natural that as a couple we would have children. The question was about “how”.

    Only two members of my family oppose the idea of us ever adopting: one is a total homophobe (who is not accepting his own son is gay), one is just not at ease with the idea of two men raising a child (and I respect his views, but will prove him wrong by being a good parent).

    All this is not about “how good and fantastic I am”, it is about “how happy we will be to be given the chance to raise a child, because everyone knows we can be trusted to raise the child well.” (That’s a tad longer to say, so you can call me “fantastic” if you prefer)


    Now, back to the floor, for more real-life testimonials, including negative ones, as long as they are real-life experiences.
    Here is a template you can use to post replies (in case spurious is still waiting for the next question):
    - What is your relationship to the LGBT community?
    - What is your family and marital status?
    - Do you have or want children?
    - Do you know LGBT people who raise or want to raise children?
    - Do you have a short story to tell about your/their qualities (or lack of) that makes you/them more or less good parent material?


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    #29
    stephen_n
    Registered Users Posts: 12,920 ✭✭✭✭stephen_n


    I'm a parent of two wonderfull children, probably the only perfect things I will ever do in my life. What I fail to see though is what my sexuality has to do with my abilities as a parent. I'm far from perfect, I try my best and they love me so i must be doing something right, but I wouldn't be any better a parent if I was straight!


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    #30
    Iwasfrozen
    Registered Users Posts: 16,250 ✭✭✭✭Iwasfrozen


    stephen_n wrote: »
    I'm a parent of two wonderfull children, probably the only perfect things I will ever do in my life. What I fail to see though is what my sexuality has to do with my abilities as a parent. I'm far from perfect, I try my best and they love me so i must be doing something right, but I wouldn't be any better a parent if I was straight!
    Did you adopt these children or did your partner ? The main concern I have with couples of the same sex adopting is the danger of the child being sent back to the orphanage if their legal guardian dies.

    If the law changes to allow gay parents to marry then I will no longer have a problem with gay people adopting but untill that happens it is just selfish in my opinion for gay couples to adopt.


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    #31
    Pink Adoptions
    Closed Accounts Posts: 121 ✭✭Pink Adoptions


    stephen_n wrote: »
    I'm a parent of two wonderfull children, probably the only perfect things I will ever do in my life. What I fail to see though is what my sexuality has to do with my abilities as a parent. I'm far from perfect, I try my best and they love me so i must be doing something right, but I wouldn't be any better a parent if I was straight!

    Do you find that your family, friends, neighbors, community, and maybe even "the scene" also see you purely as a parent, or as a "gay parent"?
    What about strangers you may meet at the park or on holidays?

    The simple truth of gay parents is that they are parents before anything else.
    But they are not necessarily perceived the way they perceive themselves.

    Can you put yourself in the shoes of those who think (for any reason) that your sexuality impacts your parenting skills?
    How to you react to their reactions? (Which may range from candid to aggressive, through ignorant and intrusive)

    Iwasfrozen wrote: »
    [...]The main concern I have with couples of the same sex adopting is the danger of the child being sent back to the orphanage if their legal guardian dies.

    If the law changes to allow gay parents to marry then I will no longer have a problem with gay people adopting but untill that happens it is just selfish in my opinion for gay couples to adopt.

    That is why marriage is needed... not the opposite.
    It is a similar situation as with single mothers for whom the father name is not on the birth certificate.
    Or as with ANY adoption by singles...

    The difference is that the partner, or the family network of both partners, can step up and apply to adopt the child.
    Which is the same situation as for any unmarried couples adopting.

    As you can see your concern has nothing to do with being gay.
    And you only real concern is thus that gay people are not allowed to married: let's change that instead of worrying about the adopters' potential death.


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