Constructive Advice?

LegacyUser · 06-04-2010 09:39PM #1

Hi guys,

Basically I am caught in a horribly stressful and anxious situation. I am in two minds. And I am torn 50/50.

I hate my job. It is terrible. I get bullied. There is no recourse. I am a young graduate who landed a job in my area of study. I am now in an office. In this office, it is a stressful, demanding environment. It is within an extremely competitive and bitchy organisation. Everything said goes back to the person spoken about. It is extremely hierarchial, rules, proceedures, reports. They don't want a human, they want a robot. There is no consideration for my opinion, progress etc. I have four workplans, daily, weekly, monthly and quarterly. I have to report therefore to four different people in four different ways. Once a day, once a week, once a month, once every three months. I dread to think how many hours and paperwork is wasted micro-managing me. The people who I report to are rude, obnoxious and flippant. They revel in calling me out on my mistakes. They make my life hell. Everything from a phonecall to a typo are brought up with no warmth or 'by the way' more in an aggressive and demanding way.

My role used to be two roles. It is now combined into one with both before me being made redundant. The workload is the same and I am given unreasonable amounts of work to deal with. I get up at 7am and I don't get home until 7.30pm....that is 65 hours a week. I am paid for 35 and not a cent more. If I do go home 'early' (i.e. 5pm, it is not looked down on kindly). There is also a generation gap, I am at 23 the youngest person there, with everyone else in their 30s and 40s. I am there 8 months. Quite how I do not know. I cry at night thinking about the day ahead. In the morning I pull myself out of bed and the dread creeps in until I get there. I have a calendar on my wall with the amount of days I have left to work there. In a nutshell I am truly miserable. I have morphed from a happy go lucky optimist into a depressed zombie. All in the name of a job. As much as I love my friends, they don't get it. I am suppossed to be lucky to have this job. I can see where they are coming from but I am terribly depressed. I have all but given up on the role.

The discouragement is so great that I do what I need to do and try and keep my head down. It's like I've stopped caring for myself or the job anymore. I just can't take anymore criticism. I play the game, and acknowledge their pedantry with a smile and a sub-ordinate 'I will do better' but this fear hangs over me that one day I will be called in and told pack my stuff and get out. I have never been fired from a job before and I do not want to tarnish my CV. I do all of this for 450e a week. Once my train, rent and food are deducted, I have a disposable income of 250e which I pour 150e into my debts which are hanging over from my degree and which won't seem to go away. I have reduced the debt from 8,000 down to 3,000. But it seems never ending and as a result I have zero savings.

I have always wanted to travel. But it seems things got in the way. The recession, education, committments, there never seemed to be enough money to just go. Now I am seriously losing my mind. I should add, I have fantastic friends, my weekends are just amazing, they make me laugh, hang out and I feel blessed to have friends I can while away the hours with and not have to think about work. I am tied to a lease for three more months. I know that if I leave I won't be entitled to social welfare and that jobs are thin on the ground. I know I won't get a reference from these guys and I know that my last months wages would just about clear my debt making travelling pretty unlikely. I guess what I am asking is how in gods name do I stick out three more months in this place?

I often think to myself and I know saying things like this starts alarm bells ringing, but I do often wonder if I just dissapeared would the world leave me alone? If I stay, I continue in this horrible environment, if I leave I get no reference, face unemployment with no benefit and look like an all round failure for having walked away. I am so terribly trapped. Right now I am nearing a panic attack even thinking about going in there. I can't handle the workload, can't handle the fact I don't even get to enjoy the money, that I can't book flights out of here. I feel guilty because there are people with no jobs who upon reading this might think I am being a baby. All in all, my life is a complete mess and I don't know what to do. I used to subscribe to the philosophy that in 80 years time I will be dead, and I should enjoy the one life I have got, but that just leads to me thinking of doing reckless things, like signing myself out sick or not going in and swithcing of my phone.

In an ideal world, I would stay until June, save enough to clear my debt, get a visa for OZ/NZ and leave with my last months wages, thus completing my contract and finishing my lease like a responsible mature adult. But the thought of wishing April,May and June away having already wasted 8 months is there is just terribly disheartening. As I said, I love my apartment, my friends and my social life. I just wish I had a job that was less of a horrible infuence on my life and on my thinking.

Sorry for the long rant, but I really do value the advice given on here and I would appreciate some constructive advice. Should I leave? Stick it out? How do I handle this with the best outcome for myself? Thanks to all those who have read, I feel a bit better having posted this.

Kevster · 06-04-2010 10:43PM

Heya,

The bulk of your message is about how bad your work treats you, but then that one little piece at the end about what you would do in the 'ideal world' genuinely warmed my heart. It is difficult to even remember what we want in our future whenfaced with so much crap as you now seem to be [facing]. I have a friend who seems to be in a similar - but less intense - situation as you, and she is very angry also.

June is not very far away at all (2 months) but I understand why you want to get out now. However, if you have holidays left to take, then maybe working it such that you only have to do 4 days per week (+ one holiday day) would alleviate some of your stress/anger. Other than that, how feasible would it actually be for you to give your notice now and leave?

Kevin

cafecolour · 06-04-2010 11:10PM

Ugh. That sounds horrible.

It's a hard one, but I'd stick it out and finish off the 3 months if you can possibly manage it. 3 months is not that long in the scheme of things. Yes, you only get one life, but you are sacrificing 3 more months of horrible weeks as investment for a much more enjoyable time after.

Quitting now, without any other opportunities, would be a big temporary relief, but then you might end up stressed figuring out how to make ends meet and pay down your debts.

You get through it by doing your best not to care, one. And by focusing on the endgame, two. Work for the weekend. Put up pictures of your friends on your computer/workspace. Put up a computer desktop background of Australia, etc. Everytime you get down, take a quick breather, imagine oz, think about your friends and the plans for the weekend, etc.

You are in prison - debtor's prison. You have 3 months left on your sentence. You might be able to make a run for it now, but you could well end up back in for a longer term if you do.

Oh, and start looking into the aus/nz visas now - they take some time. Plus, after the 3 months is up, it's a great excuse to leave if they want you to stay on (no one ever blames you for quitting cause you're moving).

LegacyUser · 06-04-2010 11:25PM

Hi Kevin, OP here,

Thanks for the response. It really isn't feasible at all. I would be sacrificing around 8 weeks wages which would go alot towards clearing my remaining fees and then putting me in a sound financial position. I guess I've answered my own question there, but if I do stay I need to find a coping mechanism to get through because the anxiety is destroying my quality of life. This is all I think about. I am fraught with worry. It is like being back at school and having a teacher that doesn't like you. Always in trouble, terrible sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I just feel terribly trapped and I am terrified that I am going to make the wrong decision. This job has pretty much eroded my self esteem.

Magenta · 07-04-2010 04:35AM

Whether you quit now or later- you have got to get out of that job.
No job is worth that much stress. I have been there, done that, and I just quit and went travelling for a year.
I have never regretted it.

catlovesmike · 07-04-2010 08:30AM

Hiya, I agree with Magenta, there will be no regret in actually leaving, and may i also say that would not getting a reference from them be such a bad thing? You dont need the boss to give it to you, just someone semi-decent to act as a character reference should you ever need it. I feel for you I do, its awful waking up each day dreading what is to come, I too have been there, and I resigned for my emotional health. I know you need a coping mechanism for the next 2 months as you obviously cant really leave yet, so how about planning your trip away? Im from Australia and my bro-in-law has just moved there and has had no real hassle finding work. We are far nicer immigration wise than your irish govt (no offense!), and the options for work/life balance will be so much brighter (and not just coz its sunny all the time). The process of visa applications, passports, etc takes a while so before you know it, all that time you spend planning, reading lonely planet, and looking forward to something else will really help you manage the days you do at work. there is nothing like planning the future to make the present just a passing moment. I wish you the best x

elbee · 07-04-2010 08:48AM

OP, I have so much respect for you - not for sticking the job, but for managing to hang on to your dreams and not neglect your friends or your social life. It's so tempting to do that when you're in a bad place and you haven't done it, so that's an enormous mark in your favour and that side of your character is going to seriously stand to you.

And you're doing so well at clearing your debts - seriously, 5k in that time? Well done.

OK, now I'm done congratulating you for being great

I think you need to start planning your travel - and I do mean planning, not just dreaming about! Sit down and figure out how much money you need for flights to Oz/NZ, what visa costs are involved, how much you want in the bank to cover expenses you arrive, etc. Then work towards getting it and you'll at least feel that this is a horrible temporary sacrifice you're making for something better.

Good luck OP. I'm sure you'll be fine

LegacyUser · 07-04-2010 09:26AM

Oh OP,

This could have been me writing this five years ago. I feel for you, I really do. You live and you learn and sometimes knowing what you don't want in life is as good as knowing what you do want. I, like you suffered in an office politics environment, a big organisation with micro-management. The people were dull, rude and cynical, it really affected me and changed my view of the world. All of that dread, stress, and anguish for money that you didn't have the time to enjoy. I can promise you one thing though - it will pass and soon it will be distant memory.

I firstly want to congratulate you, eight months in a job related to your degree fresh out of college is an achievement, especially given the current climate. Pat on the back for that. As for the reference, they cannot legally deny you a confirmation of the time you worked there. That is all you need. Also, it may seem trivial as you have €3000 remaining, but to go from €8000 down to €3000 in a couple of months is a seriously responsible and smart thing to have done at your age.

So what to do? My advice is to ramp up your life outside of work. As others have said, book the visa, price the flights, buy a lonely planet guide. Smile to yourself when they criticise, safe in the knowledge that you are leaving and they are staying there, ready to torture someone new. Execercise if you don't already, eat better if you don't already. Anything positive and healthy to help you get through the next 2 months. Believe me, 2 months is nothing. It will fly by and I imagine your exhaustion with the whole experience is because you can now see the light at the end of the tunnel. When people falter or want to abandon a plan mad ein tough times its usually because they are at the beginning or nearing the end. You are nearing the end and as a result the hard-wiring of yourself to keep going is unravelling, this is a good sign. You say you are trapped but believe me you are not. In two months, you will be debt free, having worked the best part of a year on the career ladder and you will be mentally stronger. Stay strong, its Wednesday, two more days and you have your weekend. And another week is over. Stay strong. You are doing well and sixty more days and you it will be mission accompplished.

skooterblue · 07-04-2010 12:34PM

Keepcablecool wrote: »

I firstly want to congratulate you, eight months in a job related to your degree fresh out of college is an achievement, especially given the current climate. Pat on the back for that. As for the reference, they cannot legally deny you a confirmation of the time you worked there. That is all you need. Also, it may seem trivial as you have €3000 remaining, but to go from €8000 down to €3000 in a couple of months is a seriously responsible and smart thing to have done at your age.

So what to do? My advice is to ramp up your life outside of work. As others have said, book the visa, price the flights, buy a lonely planet guide. Smile to yourself when they criticise, safe in the knowledge that you are leaving and they are staying there, ready to torture someone new. Execercise if you don't already, eat better if you don't already. Anything positive and healthy to help you get through the next 2 months. Believe me, 2 months is nothing. It will fly by and I imagine your exhaustion with the whole experience is because you can now see the light at the end of the tunnel. When people falter or want to abandon a plan mad ein tough times its usually because they are at the beginning or nearing the end. You are nearing the end and as a result the hard-wiring of yourself to keep going is unravelling, this is a good sign. You say you are trapped but believe me you are not. In two months, you will be debt free, having worked the best part of a year on the career ladder and you will be mentally stronger. Stay strong, its Wednesday, two more days and you have your weekend. And another week is over. Stay strong. You are doing well and sixty more days and you it will be mission accompplished.

Its really hard to top this advice I would also start a count down Calendar, start marking off it off in days or half days. I know you are finding it hell but ... there is light at the end of the tunnel.
You will be:
Debt free
have 8 month letter of reference from a employer relevant to your course of study.
you will be gone and never have to cross the threshold of that office again.

Imagine if you were older had a mortgage that was out of control, kids, your looks had seen finer days, unhappily married and the bank banging at the door? I bet this is what half the crones in the office are in this situation. I think your problem stems from jealous. I would be too if I was trapped. You are probably the only one in the office with get out plan. Spend you spare time planning and concentrating on putting together a travel kit. You have come so far and you are nearly there, just hang in there a short while longer. Been there and you can do it, just imagine giving your notice when you feel low.

opinion guy · 07-04-2010 12:48PM

I have to say I'm curious what field you are in ? And why you are working 65 but only getting paid 35 ? Personally I've done that before and my experience is it always gets taken advantage of. I realise thou you don't have any choice about that - not now at least. You do about future jobs is my point.

Anyhow, I think the others have given you great advice so I'm not going to repeat all that. But I do think you sounds super stressed. Have you got a friendly GP ? If so I think you should speak to them about this. Now don't worry I don't think you need any pills or anything, but they can advise you on coping with things and may even write you a sick note for a week or something.

BKtje · 07-04-2010 01:36PM

You have a contract that states you have to work 35hrs a week and you have zero intention of staying on in the job afterwards so don't care too much what they think of you.

Why not just work the 35hrs and not one minute more? They can't actually fire you for working your contract can they? Or do you have a contract that states you have a certain amount of work that has to be done? Even if there is a certain amount of work, surely they grossly underestimated the worklaod if you have to work that many hours.

There was that story about the foriegn VET who worked a 70hr week for 500 euro a week (or something) and he got 8.5k after bringing them to court. Now i'm not saying that your situation is the same but something definately stinks and it seems to me like you're being exploited because of your age and the economy. You'd have to ask someone legally minded but surely something gotta be wrong with that?

Or am I missing something?

skooterblue · 07-04-2010 02:40PM

BKtje wrote: »

There was that story about the foriegn VET who worked a 70hr week for 500 euro a week (or something) and he got 8.5k after bringing them to court. Now i'm not saying that your situation is the same but something definately stinks and it seems to me like you're being exploited because of your age and the economy. You'd have to ask someone legally minded but surely something gotta be wrong with that?

Or am I missing something?

Yeah when you are in your first few jobs you have to put up with a lot!! You have to build a reputation and fast because there are loads of people looking for your job and its an employers market.

you are also missing out on the fact that you take an employer to court you wont work again. Like that Ryanair hostess that dozed off midflight. She was sacked and took Ryan air to court and won. How many airlines wanted to hire a middle age hostess with a labour court dispute in her history. Few people are going to delve back in to past into what you did in another country. Its easy to dish out legal advice but harder to imagine the after effect and consequences.

BKtje · 07-04-2010 06:14PM

You have to put up with a lot but when you are working for €7 an hour (450/65) for over 8 months with no career prospects in the current job (and feel you won't get much of a resume when done) then you have to wonder if it's worth it.

The op feels like quitting and i thought that instead of quitting or just taking it, that another option would be to talk to HR and tell them that you will be working the hours the contract states.

I know the economy is in the ****ter but there are limits imo.

blaz · 07-04-2010 07:02PM

OP, if you had to stay in this job for another 10 years I would tell you to quit right now. But because it is only another 3 months you should stick in there, but quit as soon as possible.

The most important question is how to do that without going insane. I have realized that to survive difficult times like this you have to set short term, mid-term and long term goals for yourself and you need something to look forward to for each of those goals. Let me give you an example:

Your short term goal will be to survive the day and you will look forward to meet your friends at the local pub that evening.

Your mid-term goal will be to survive the week and you will go on a weekend break with your friends or family and enjoy yourself.

Your long term goal will be to survive the three months, get a visa for OZ/NZ, quit your job and start a new one overseas.

When you start your day you will have bad thoughts because you will be afraid of what will happen at work that day. As soon as you get those thoughts you will consciously switch your thoughts to your short term goal: you only need to get through that one day and then you will meet your friends at the pub and have fun and everything will be OK again. If you start thinking about your job while you are out with your friends, you will consciously tell yourself: "I have achieved my goal for today, because I have survived the day and I'm enjoying my time out with my friends. I have my mid-term goal to look forward to".

If there is nothing to look forward to for that day (for example because your friends are not available to go out on that day), you will instead look forward to your weekly goal: you only have to survive a couple more days and you will go on your nice weekend break. Similarly if there is nothing to look forward to for that week you will think about your long term goal.

This way of thinking will switch your mind from all the doom and gloom of your daily work routine to the important stuff, the stuff you live for, the stuff you can look forward to. Every time your boss will start yelling at you or your colleague will bully you, you will tune out and think about your short, mid or long term goal.

Think about it, try it out. It helped me in difficult times, it might help you as well.

LegacyUser · 07-04-2010 07:10PM

Been there and bought the tshirt OP.

All I can say is kudos to you for staying so long.

I think, ultimately, you are doing the right thing. You sound pretty clever. I have regrets about jobs I've left and can now not put on my CV.

I will point out though that in one post, you said 'My life is a mess'

Please, please remember, that your LIFE is not this job.

You are in a job that you hate. Thats the extent of your problem..you have great friends and family. You seem generally happy. The job is just a part of your life. I don't mean to undermine how much you hate it my saying its 'just' a part of your life. But if you can seperate it from the other stuff thats going on in your life, its a part of your life that you hate. But you like every other part.
Count down the days. One more sleep...and it's one day less.....

anomalous · 07-04-2010 08:56PM

hi OP i was in a similar situation and i think everyone else has given great advise you should stick it out and clear your debt etc and your coping mechanism could be planning your trip

the thing you need to take away from the experience though is the resolution that nobody is going to treat you like this again in your work environment start every new job with more confidence and start as you mean to go on so if the office bully tries anything you can shut them down immediately

while im not saying that im glad i was bullied i know it has made me a much tougher person and i can deal with certain situations much better than i did before

the next time one of the truly trapped people start to hassle you put on a very sweet smile and think to yourself "you poor sad b1tch your stuck here with nothing better to do than bully young ones that cant defend themselves while im starting over":p

Magenta · 07-04-2010 09:04PM

Yep. I had to stick out my job for 2 months before I went travelling.
Every single day, whenever I wanted to just walk out, I would think "Staying here for the rest of the day will earn me (for example) €80. That will pay for a great night out when I am in X country!".
In the end, hanging in there earned me a few grand and I was so glad to have that money when I was on my trip.

Constructive Advice?

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