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Upset feeling very lonely 29yr old here

  • 22-03-2010 10:24PM
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,005 ✭✭✭✭


    I am so lonely I nearly feel physical pain from been so alone I am 29 female
    and have travelled for past five yrs came back home and my friends have all drifted
    and I am not getting out to meet men as I dont have any single mates to hang out with, I
    was so upset tonight I had to tell someone and I couldnt tell my family they would worry or shake it off and say you will be fine, On the outside you would think ah she a good laugh and got a good job and is happy out, inside I am hurting like hell over having nobody to just hang out with...had to just let it out as got to me tonight and spent last hour crying
    Just wanted to know is there many people around my age in same boat or has everyong got there click of friends from school ect..??

    Cheers everyone x


Comments

  • #2
    guydub
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 107 ✭✭guydub


    U are not alone. Alot of people similar age to yourself are in the same boat. It can be tough being single when all your mates are attached.
    a way of making new friends is to do a course or join a club, what are your interests?
    boards have nights out where members meet up and many make friends. u could have a look at the anouncements to find out when the next night out is on.
    would you consider internet dating sites, i met my girlfriend on one of them and were together over 2 years now.


  • #3
    Squor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 35 ✭Squor


    Hey Leinster Girl

    You are very much not alone. There are plenty of us still single and out there. My case would be that I am 30, most of my friends are married, coupled up, have kids and sometimes it feels when is my journey going to start. I have one single mate left and he lives over the other side of the city to me and with work and that its nigh on impossible to catch up.

    What i try to do is get out and about with new friends, friends from work, was out with some tonight for dinner, no drinking or anything, just to catch up as we do once in a while, we dont work in the same place any more so its always good to catch up. I have drifted from my friends, due to all the reasons above but we still keep in contact occassionally on FB and that.

    After travelling for 5 yrs a lot must have changed for you. But having done that travelling should give you plenty of things to talk about, you must have seen a lot, I reckon that would give you plenty to talk about when meeting new people

    You say you have a good job, do you ever go out with the work crew, just to have a few beers or something on the occasional friday, getting out and about is the key I find

    Please dont be getting yourself too upset and feeling physically sick over it, always remember your not alone. If your not already a member of this site maybe you should join up, its a great way to interact with people, hearing that your not alone is always a way to get yourself the strength to feel better


  • #4
    unclecessna
    Closed Accounts Posts: 90 ✭✭unclecessna


    You're not the only one OP - I'm in a similar situation although thankfully it doesn't cause me physical pain and I'm sorry to hear that you are affected like that.

    When I left school years back I did a college course I didn't like and dropped out, all my old school friends were busy doing their own thing in their respective colleges and I felt very lonely and abandonned for about a year. Then I got a different job and made new friends from work and around the area I was living at the time etc, all was good and life moved on.

    A few years back I got the opportunity to go to the USA for over a year, I packed up and even though I kept up contact with my friends back home eventually the links were broken with time. I came back last summer and like you most of my friends had moved on...Ironically I have more friends over in the US now than I do here.

    But I think these are just part of the rough patches we go through in life sometimes and things will get better - I have a benefit over you OP in that I have already been through this situation after I left school so I know that this is just a case of history repeating itself and that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

    This is a cliche I know but look for something hobby-wise you can take up like a team sport or a language class etc - something your interested in that will have other people in it to do in your spare time.

    So chin up OP, as my old careers guidance teacher from school used to always say - your best asset is yourself! I'm confident that things will get much better for you soon if you help yourself by getting out there :)


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,005 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks guys.

    Dubguy -I might just go to one of these altough I obviously wont know anyone do you go to these? what are they like? Yeah on internet dating but man that wrecks my head some men are very nice and genuine others are tools!! (dont want to offend anyone!) so its up and down with that. Glad it worked for you :)


    Squor thanks I do have a lot to talk about it like if we started chatting you would never think this girl seems alone or not got many friends I can chat and have a laugh its just finding the people to go out with! I work in an office with only me and my boss yes it
    sounds depressing it is!! so not meeting anyone from work (and I am used to working in big offices you know friday drinks ect),


    Unclecessna I have tried the club thing (into gaa) but there all very clicky in that too and the team was a top team I am somewhere in the middle with football! I need to find something else other then the gym or running! I am kind of holding out for sept as I have applied to go back to college as a mature student so hoping lots of new buddies there for me!
    Also I am the same I have more friends in UK, Oz and Europe then in Ireland!

    Thanks all sorry for the moan I appreicate
    your advice xxx


  • #6
    ruthiepie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 224 ✭✭ruthiepie


    leinstergirl 29 wrote: »
    I am so lonely I nearly feel physical pain from been so alone I am 29 female
    and have travelled for past five yrs came back home and my friends have all drifted
    and I am not getting out to meet men as I dont have any single mates to hang out with, I
    was so upset tonight I had to tell someone and I couldnt tell my family they would worry or shake it off and say you will be fine, On the outside you would think ah she a good laugh and got a good job and is happy out, inside I am hurting like hell over having nobody to just hang out with...had to just let it out as got to me tonight and spent last hour crying
    Just wanted to know is there many people around my age in same boat or has everyong got there click of friends from school ect..??

    Cheers everyone x

    Hi OP saw this and had to reply, its like i could have written this myself!! Im 25 and it seems that somehow along the line, I too have found that I dont have many friends. I have aquaintances that I do meet up with and head out with everyone now and then but other than that I dont seem to have any close friends.

    I suppose what im trying to figure out like you is how do you make new friends?? Im only working in a small company too so seeing as Im the only girl in a bunch of guys, i dont see myself making any friends here either!! Ive tried joining clubs but there seems to be 1) a lack of them around me(as i live out in the middle of nowhere) and 2) the one that i did join, was with people that I really didnt have alot in common with so I cant see that going anywhere!

    In one sense im quite happy in my own company but in another sense I know im missing out on not having those friendships that everyone seems to have!! Like you say, im single too, and its that much harder to try and go out to meet someone when you dont have any single friends to to out with!!

    Sorry if im all over the place but its something im always conscious about but never put down in writing!! Ive seen so many previous threads where alot of other people seem to feel the same way so I know we're not alone but how do we move on from here???


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  • #7
    Miss Fluff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    There seem to be a lot of girls in the same boat as you on this thread so maybe post there as a way of meeting new people?

    http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055860652


  • #8
    ruthiepie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 224 ✭✭ruthiepie


    :D
    Miss Fluff wrote: »
    There seem to be a lot of girls in the same boat as you on this thread so maybe post there as a way of meeting new people?

    http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055860652

    Hey I know im not the Op but just wanted to say I never knew that thread existed, thats a really good idea, I was hoping someone would do something like that!! Thanks for letting us know!! :D:D:D


  • #9
    Sin1981
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 181 ✭✭Sin1981


    Hello,

    I read your post OP, and I nearly thought it was about me, it's that close to where I am.
    28, single, friends drifted/attached bla bla bla. I like sport, and like you I run, and go to gym. don't wanna say exactly where I live, but it's not a city, so there is a limit to what you can do. I'm here almost 2 years, I joined a racket sport club soon after arriving. It fizzled, as the 3 girls I played with sort of pulled out. So, like you I do try to make an effort!
    I am saving to go travelling, and hope to go next year, but in the meantime I am so lonely, isolated, and tired of doing stuff alone. I am super independent, and yeah it's good, but it would be nice to have someone too. I do get out every few weeks, either with work gang, or friends, but most of the time, it's drinking in a group in the corner, so no real chance to meeting men. Most of my friends are past the 'chasing men' thing. I only have 1 or two good friends who are single but they live in Dublin, and as much as I like going to Dublin, I can't trek up there every weekend. There are so many Fridays that I sit in alone. I don't have any friends to text and say 'lets head out for a few..'.
    Another eg. a few months back, my friend randomly ended up down here on a Sat night, she was with her boyf as he was meeting up with his college mates (note. how she only came here cos he was planning on meeting friends and she won't do stuff without him!). so at the end of the night, I said 'great to see you, you can come down again, stay with me cos we have a spare room, bla bla bla.' but sure, of course I walked to my house after just thinking how it won't actually happen. I honeslty try, and make suggestions well in advance but ppl just pull out et. It's all words and good intentions, but at the end of the day they won't make that effort. I'm tired off that, and I'm more or less at the point with some of my friends that I'm not making any more suggestions/texting etc. sick of it being a one way system.

    So, I suppose I have no real advice, sorry I kinda ranted on and on! sorry! only that there seems to be plenty of us out there. I am joining a running club down here. meeting tonight, but the head is telling me that I won't make any new and 'real' friends. it will be a meet up twice a week or whatever, and everyone goes home to their own lives. except me. but if you don't try nothing will change. I'm doing this cos I don't want to regret things. Nothing ventured nothing gained. I think you need to try something like that and give it a good shot! Good luck!!


  • #10
    unclecessna
    Closed Accounts Posts: 90 ✭✭unclecessna


    I don't want to sound cheecky OP, but If at first you don't succeed......
    Nothing in this life comes easy, pick yourself up, dust yourself down and keep trying. Good luck


  • #11
    KnocKnocKnock
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 123 ✭✭KnocKnocKnock


    leinstergirl 29 wrote: »
    I am so lonely I nearly feel physical pain from been so alone I am 29 female
    and have travelled for past five yrs came back home and my friends have all drifted
    and I am not getting out to meet men as I dont have any single mates to hang out with, I
    was so upset tonight I had to tell someone and I couldnt tell my family they would worry or shake it off and say you will be fine, On the outside you would think ah she a good laugh and got a good job and is happy out, inside I am hurting like hell over having nobody to just hang out with...had to just let it out as got to me tonight and spent last hour crying
    Just wanted to know is there many people around my age in same boat or has everyong got there click of friends from school ect..??

    Cheers everyone x

    Hey OP,

    Isn't there any way you can get back in contact with your old friends? Of course it will be different now that they are married with kids but this doesn't mean they don't still have the great sense of humour/the listening ear/ or whatever it was you used to love about them.
    Maybe they can't get out as much for a night as before but you could call up to them for a cup of tea or with a bottle of wine. I'm sure they can get out occasionally, and just because they are attached, doesn't mean you can't meet men on these nights out.


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  • #12
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,005 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Same age and equally lonely
    I also run and I m quite active and independent,
    sometimes i think I just became too good at appearing to not need anything
    that just, i dont know, just nothing happens
    What other interests do you have?


  • #13
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,005 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi OP here

    lonely_too I like keeping fit, gaa,music,going out for dinner but most of all
    travelling to different places,I have other hobbies but they would be main ones.

    Knockknockknock I have tried and tried I suggest drinks or dinner like a month in
    advance and same old story, either there saving for a house, cant go out as they
    have children or they dont reply I feel like i am annoying them at this stage!! So
    to be honest I dont count them as friends anymore ´real freinds be delighted to go
    out and catch up or delighted for you to call around for a cup of tea, where I live is
    not in a city so not that easy.

    unclecessna I hear ya and agree I dont like feeling like this or even talking about it as it makes me look like such a needy person or a moaner!! I am going to go to one of boards drinks maybe the after hours one lots of people and good craic altough I know nobody that scares the hell out of me walking in on my own!

    Sin1981 thanks for the message sounds like you and me could swap stories!!
    It gets very tiring when your doing all the work with a friendship I hate when people
    dont get back to you and as you say it becomes a one way system! I will look into a running club near me ( not sure if they have one its a small place!!!)

    ruthiepie Thanks for that I didnt know that thread exsisted must be new I will have to stick my name down so :) cheers!


  • #14
    deadpoet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 63 ✭✭deadpoet


    Why do you need people to go out with? Whats wrong with going out by yourself and meeting new people?
    I do it all the time - people are very sociable creatures, much more sociable than you assume.

    And no, nobody treats you like a 'weirdo' - whatever that is.


  • #15
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,005 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi all,

    I am the same 32, no real friends. I am engaged for the lst 3 years and he had become my best friend, but as good and all as he is, I need a some girl mates, ppl who I can go out with have nice meals, hit the town for a night of dancing or just chill at home with movie. I used to do all this in my 20's had lots of friends, but for one reason or another ppl just seem to become so wrapped up in their partners.

    A lot of my friends were quite consumed with meeting someone & settling down. To be honest I could never understand it. Its not like I never wanted that too but I really enjoyed my 20's with the girls nights & girls holidays and like some of the posts here would like have liked friends who are attached to go out on nights where it wasnt all about their partners.

    I have joined classes and have made friends in the class but nothing outside. I am in a gym, I volunteer at work to try to meet friends but again it seems to limited to the paticular activity.

    I am quite tired of the usual "yeah we will meet up soon" and it never happens. I have sort of become numb to it but I do have my down days about it.

    I would love to have even one or two good friends single or attached, who like me would like to have girls nights again I think its healthy for me to have other things in my life than just my fiance & family and the odd occassional night with a friend!


  • #16
    Sin1981
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 181 ✭✭Sin1981


    Omg,
    So many of us out there... I wish I was in Dublin, that way, some of us could actually meet up for coffees/drinks etc...
    Why don't some of you guys do that, if you're in the Dublin area...!?:rolleyes:


  • #17
    alibaba12
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 136 ✭✭alibaba12


    alibooboo12 wrote: »
    Hi all,

    I am the same 32, no real friends. I am engaged for the lst 3 years and he had become my best friend, but as good and all as he is, I need a some girl mates, ppl who I can go out with have nice meals, hit the town for a night of dancing or just chill at home with movie. I used to do all this in my 20's had lots of friends, but for one reason or another ppl just seem to become so wrapped up in their partners.

    A lot of my friends were quite consumed with meeting someone & settling down. To be honest I could never understand it. Its not like I never wanted that too but I really enjoyed my 20's with the girls nights & girls holidays and like some of the posts here would like have liked friends who are attached to go out on nights where it wasnt all about their partners.

    I have joined classes and have made friends in the class but nothing outside. I am in a gym, I volunteer at work to try to meet friends but again it seems to limited to the paticular activity.

    I am quite tired of the usual "yeah we will meet up soon" and it never happens. I have sort of become numb to it but I do have my down days about it.

    I would love to have even one or two good friends single or attached, who like me would like to have girls nights again I think its healthy for me to have other things in my life than just my fiance & family and the odd occassional night with a friend!

    sorry all this is from me alibaba12, was having probs with my password & entered it under a this name to get the post on.


  • #18
    santana75
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,388 ✭✭✭santana75


    Sin1981 wrote: »
    Hello,

    I read your post OP, and I nearly thought it was about me, it's that close to where I am.
    28, single, friends drifted/attached bla bla bla. I like sport, and like you I run, and go to gym. don't wanna say exactly where I live, but it's not a city, so there is a limit to what you can do. I'm here almost 2 years, I joined a racket sport club soon after arriving. It fizzled, as the 3 girls I played with sort of pulled out. So, like you I do try to make an effort!
    I am saving to go travelling, and hope to go next year, but in the meantime I am so lonely, isolated, and tired of doing stuff alone. I am super independent, and yeah it's good, but it would be nice to have someone too. I do get out every few weeks, either with work gang, or friends, but most of the time, it's drinking in a group in the corner, so no real chance to meeting men. Most of my friends are past the 'chasing men' thing. I only have 1 or two good friends who are single but they live in Dublin, and as much as I like going to Dublin, I can't trek up there every weekend. There are so many Fridays that I sit in alone. I don't have any friends to text and say 'lets head out for a few..'.
    Another eg. a few months back, my friend randomly ended up down here on a Sat night, she was with her boyf as he was meeting up with his college mates (note. how she only came here cos he was planning on meeting friends and she won't do stuff without him!). so at the end of the night, I said 'great to see you, you can come down again, stay with me cos we have a spare room, bla bla bla.' but sure, of course I walked to my house after just thinking how it won't actually happen. I honeslty try, and make suggestions well in advance but ppl just pull out et. It's all words and good intentions, but at the end of the day they won't make that effort. I'm tired off that, and I'm more or less at the point with some of my friends that I'm not making any more suggestions/texting etc. sick of it being a one way system.

    So, I suppose I have no real advice, sorry I kinda ranted on and on! sorry! only that there seems to be plenty of us out there. I am joining a running club down here. meeting tonight, but the head is telling me that I won't make any new and 'real' friends. it will be a meet up twice a week or whatever, and everyone goes home to their own lives. except me. but if you don't try nothing will change. I'm doing this cos I don't want to regret things. Nothing ventured nothing gained. I think you need to try something like that and give it a good shot! Good luck!!

    Aww jeez, sorry to hear that sin, that all sounds a bit rough alright. But the sad fact is people suit themselves, for the most part anyway.
    The running club is a good idea though. Im in one and for us lads its all about the training, no real social interaction at all. And thats fine, there to train not to talk and all that. But I happen to know that its completely different for the women, definitely way more of a social thing. Every tuesday and thursday you'll see them coming down the road, about 100 of them! They go away to races for weekends and everything, so it would be a good social outlet.
    Although it may be too social a thing, dont think theyre exactly setting the world of athletics on fire with their great race performances!


  • #19
    Barracudaincork
    Closed Accounts Posts: 773 ✭✭✭Barracudaincork


    leinstergirl 29 wrote: »
    have travelled for past five yrs

    and when you left 5 years ago, did you go to a place where you knew everyone? Chances are you didnt, so treat being home the same way you treated being abroad. Do the things you did then to meet people, both friends and sexual partners. You have done this before, no doubt many times during your tavels and you can do it again! :)


  • #20
    Sin1981
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 181 ✭✭Sin1981


    Barracudaincork wrote: »
    and when you left 5 years ago, did you go to a place where you knew everyone? Chances are you didnt, so treat being home the same way you treated being abroad. Do the things you did then to meet people, both friends and sexual partners. You have done this before, no doubt many times during your tavels and you can do it again! :)


    Barracudaincork: You made a really really good point! I myself was away for 1 year a number of years back, then 3 years more recently. If I did it before I can do it again. I think the thing with being back is that I feel there is less pressure on me now, and maybe I sort of expect things to come a lot easier so I don't have that extra effort.
    Thanks.


  • #21
    Taltos
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    Sin1981 wrote: »
    Omg,
    So many of us out there... I wish I was in Dublin, that way, some of us could actually meet up for coffees/drinks etc...
    Why don't some of you guys do that, if you're in the Dublin area...!?:rolleyes:

    +1
    Seems like a great way to get the ball rolling though. Similar ages, similar experiences, why not swap tales every so often over meal and see what else is in common. New friends can be better than old - no should have been forgotten memories....


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