Airsoft Doesn't Sleep (Off-topic MADNESS!!) Mod warning in post #1

thebillynator · 11-02-2010 07:04PM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p30bTyiMDjU

BE]

Flecktarn · 11-02-2010 07:07PM

Billynator got it fixed

thebillynator · 11-02-2010 07:08PM

thanks how do you get a video to come up like that:rolleyes: just thought that was a real cool video

Flecktarn · 11-02-2010 07:10PM

thebillynator wrote: »

thanks how do you get a video to come up like that:rolleyes:

See on the you tube link here

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p30bTyiMDjU

Its the part after v= you put in the youtube tags .ie p30bTyiMDjU

.22 Lover · 11-02-2010 09:03PM

Good old relible M1911.Its still quiet a violent action for a GBB

moggser · 11-02-2010 10:12PM

An Irishman goes to the Doctor with botty problems....

'Dactor, it's me ahrse.I'd like ya ta teyk a look, if ya woot'.

So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look.

'Incredible', he says, 'there is a £20 note lodged up here.'

Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, and then a £10 note appears.

'This is amazing!' exclaims the Doctor. ''What do you want me to do?'

'Well fur gadness sake teyk it out, man!' shrieks the patient.

The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, and another and another and another, etc......

Finally the last bill comes out and no more appear.

'Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat's moch batter. Just out of interest, how moch was in dare den?'

The Doctor counts the pile of cash and says '£1,990 exactly.'

'Ah, dat'd be roit,'' says the Irishman

(Wait for it............scroll down.)

'I knew I wasn't feeling two grand

Masada · 11-02-2010 10:25PM

Moggy,

That was terrible. Go, now....

moggser · 11-02-2010 10:29PM

Turned on my Sat Nav and it said 'Bear Left' and there was the zoo. How
good is that?

I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you
could look at an unattended bag on the train or bus and think " I'm
f..king having that!

Rogue-Trooper · 11-02-2010 10:30PM

Masada wrote: »

Moggy,

That was terrible. Go, now....

He's here all week............try the veal.............

thebillynator · 11-02-2010 10:31PM

moggser wrote: »

Turned on my Sat Nav and it said 'Bear Left' and there was the zoo. How
good is that?
I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you
could look at an unattended bag on the train or bus and think " I'm
f..king having that!

moggser · 11-02-2010 10:34PM

ha ha i was gonna leave it there but due to all the well wishers ill hangabout

Man lost in a hot air ballon over Ireland He looks down and sees a
farmer and shouts to him, "Where am I?"
The Irish farmer looks up and shouts back "You can't kid me ya b '
stard, you're in that feckin basket!"

Paddy is cleaning his rifle and accidentally shoots his wife. He dials
999.
Paddy says "It's my wife, I've accidentally shot her. I've killed her"
Operator "Please calm down sir. Can you first make sure she really is
dead?"
CLICK,BANG
Paddy "OK, done that, what next?

.22 Lover · 11-02-2010 10:53PM

Just saw the new series of CSI Miami epic!

Masada · 11-02-2010 11:00PM

Ahh the aul kill the missus one.., jeez i used to tell that in primary school.,

Masada · 11-02-2010 11:04PM

I went to the Doctor's a few weeks ago and asked,

Me: Howerya Doc, i needs some sleepin pills for the wife,

Doctor: Why, what seems to be the problem?

Me: She woke up

moggser · 11-02-2010 11:11PM

Just moved too a new house, I'll send you the address later, but it's a
rough area.

Myra Hindley is the Avon lady,

Fred West is the gardener,

Louise Woodward is the babysitter,

Harold Shipman is my new GP,

Gary Glitter runs the play group,

The McCann's run the holiday club,

Michael Jackson runs the local zoo and theme park!

Hitler runs the ethnic group

and Saddam Hussein is running the campsite.

But most worrying of all is the fact that rafa benitez is running the
local football club

Masada · 11-02-2010 11:21PM

A Culchie goes for a job on a building site in the big schmoke. The Foreman asks,
Foreman: "Can you brew tea?"
Culchie: "I can, sure"
Forman:"Can you drive a fork-lift?"
Culchie:"Why?, how big is the feckin tea-pot?"

moggser · 11-02-2010 11:21PM

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

________________ ____________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
forgot?
________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Duh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you ****tin' me?
________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was getting laid!
________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you ****tin' me? Your Honor, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you
like to rephrase that?
________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ; >> >

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!
________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
________________________________________________
--- And the best for last: ---

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law.

Masada · 11-02-2010 11:33PM

private.G · 12-02-2010 12:37AM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EAtBki0PsC0

Captain Chaos · 12-02-2010 08:55AM

Here is one for ya's.

Murphy's' old lady had been pregnant for some time and now the time had come.

He brought her to the doctor and the doctor began to deliver the baby.

She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Murphy and said. 'Hey, Murph! You just had you a son,!

'Ain't dat grand, !!' Murphy got excited by this,

but just then the doctor spoke up and said, 'Hold on! We ain't finished yet, !'

The doctor then delivered a little girl.

He said, 'Hey, Murph! You got you a daughter, !!!! She is a pretty lil ting, too....'

Murphy got kind of puzzled by this and then the doctor said, 'Hold on, we aint got done yet, !'

The doctor then delivered another boy and said, 'Murph, you just had yourself another boy, !'

Murphy said to the doctor, 'Doc, what caused all of dem babies,?'

The doctor said, 'You never know Murph, it was probably something that happened during conception.'

Murphy said, 'Ah yeah, during conception.'

When Murph and his wife went home with their three children, he sat down with his wife and said,
'Mama, you remember dat night that we ran out of Vaseline and we had to use dat dere 3-in-1 Oil.'

She said, 'Yeah, I remember dat night...'

Murph said, 'I'll tell you, ......it's a feckin' good ting we didn't use WD-40.

moggser · 12-02-2010 03:29PM

i think speedtest.net is acting the bollix

Rogue-Trooper · 12-02-2010 04:05PM

moggser wrote: »

i think moggser is acting the bollix

Fixed that for ya Moggy!

moggser · 12-02-2010 04:15PM

nope its def the test thing

Richie will vouch for me i dunno how to use photo shop

Rogue-Trooper · 12-02-2010 04:18PM

Well it's not trying to fool me anyway! This is as good as I ever get:

moggser · 12-02-2010 04:21PM

im getting mad results i think i have a break in me line somewhere as its starts off at 2-3 meg then shoots up to mad speeds like 76 meg

i know its not right i know me line is fnucked somewhere

gerrowadat · 12-02-2010 04:57PM

Here yis are, not even a photoshop.

Masada · 12-02-2010 05:11PM

NTL is win.

I was downloading CS4 master suite (10ish gigabyte) at 8mb per sec last night.,

moggser · 12-02-2010 08:52PM

bleeeeeeedin clampers whaa

Silent Death · 12-02-2010 08:52PM

http://laughingsquid.com/this-too-shall-pass-by-ok-go/

This is a great use of Ghillie in our modern socity

What has the world come too

Stercus Accidit · 12-02-2010 08:57PM

moggser wrote: »

bleeeeeeedin clampers whaa

Good way to dispose of a body though if the car gets crushed

Don't get any ideas moggy :P

Airsoft Doesn't Sleep (Off-topic MADNESS!!) Mod warning in post #1

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