The Ultimate Chilli Con Carne recipe needed!!!

If yours ends up anything like the one in El Paso, your in for a good meal!

Pinto beans can be gotten dried or canned in most large tescos. But black beans taste better to be honest.

every time i see chili con carne now, it reminds me of this story. it's been posted a good few times, but still makes me laugh when i read it and is one of the gems of the internet. so for those who've never read it, enjoy!!

Frank: "Recently, I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a chilli
cook-off. The third judge called in sick at the last moment and I happened
to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the
Budweiser truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two
judges (Native Texans) that the chilli wouldn't be all that spicy and besides they told me I could have all the free beer during the tasting, so I accepted."

Here are the scorecards from the event:


Chilli #1 (Mike's Manic Mobster Monster Chilli)

Judge #1 ? A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge #2 ? Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.
Judge #3 ? (Frank) Holy ****, what the hell is this stuff? You could
remove dried paint from your driveway. It took me two beers to put the
flames out. I hope that's the worst one, these Texans are crazy.


Chilli # 2 (Arthur's Afterburner Chilli)

Judge #1 ? Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge #2 ? Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge #3 ? (Frank) Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure
what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who
wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre. They had to rush in more beer
when they saw the look on my face.


Chilli # 3 (Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chilli)

Judge #1 ? Excellent firehouse chilli. Great kick. Needs more beans.
Judge #2 ? A bean less chilli, a bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge #3 ? (Frank) Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose
feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everybody knows the routine by now.
Get me some more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting pissed from all the beer.


Chilli # 4 (Bubba's Black Magic)

Judge # 1 ? Black bean chilli with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 ? Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or
other mild foods, not much of a chilli.
Judge # 3 ? I felt something scrape across my tongue, but was unable to
taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was
standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb lady is starting to
look HOT?just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chilli an aphrodisiac?


Chilli # 5 (Linda's Legal Lip Remover)

Judge # 1 ? Meaty, strong chilli. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding
considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 ? Chilli using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit
the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 ? My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can
no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed
paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chilli
had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring
beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.
Stuff those rednecks!


Chilli # 6 (Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety)

Judge # 1 ? Thin, yet bold vegetarian variety chilli. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 ? The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions and garlic.
Superb.
Judge # 3 ? I shat myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through
the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. She
must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips any more. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.


Chilli # 7 (Susan's Screaming Sensation Chilli)

Judge # 1 ? A mediocre chilli with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 ? Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chilli peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about
Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing
uncontrollably.
Judge #3 ? (Frank). You could place a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin,
and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost the sight in one eye and the world
sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chilli,
which slid out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like stuff which
matches my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed
me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Sod it; I'm not
getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the
four inch hole in my stomach.


Chilli # 8 (Tommy's Toe-nail Curling Chilli)

Judge # 1 ? The perfect ending, this is a nice blended chilli. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 ?This final entry is a good, balanced chilli. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the chilli pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor Dude, wonder how he'd have reacted to a really hot chilli?

My Chili Recipe, probably a but basic for most

In a pan fry 3/4 cloves of garlic, 1 large or 2 medium onions, A fresh Chilli ( seeds in all ) in a little olive oil. Add a tin of good quality chopped tomatos, Paprika and cumin and stir. After a few mins add a lb of good lean mince, lower the heat and simmer for and hour. After an hour add a tin of strained kidney beans. Cook for a futher 30 mins. I sometimes add chili powder/hot sauce if its not hot enough. I like chille very hot.

On occasion if also added Sweet Potatoe or peppers if i have them lying about.

Serve with Rice/Baked Spud/tacos/wraps

Alternatives to that Tom Dunne recipe for pinto beans with mince and tomato could include the addition of chipotle chillies and/or ancho chillies - leave out the chilli powder and soak the dried chillies in boiling water before chopping and adding to the sweating onions and garlic. Chipotles are smoked dried jalapeneos - two or three will give the same heat as a tsp of chilli powder.

I would reduce the tomato content - two tins and a tin of puree is overkill. Also a level tsp of ground cumin helps deliver on the flavour.

The New York Deli Dean & Deluca have a cookbook that has a recipe for adobo paste that is great added to chilli. I can post it later if anyone is interested...

One of the few things I buy in F&Bs is a small jar of jalapenos in adobo sauce. It really is that good. I though it would be a minor improvement, but it turns out, it completely changes the dish, it lifts the whole thing up from workaday to really, really excellent food.

It's also a good investment - a fiver for a jar, it lasts for several pots of chilli, and you can use cheaper stew meat for those pots and save more than you spent.

Called a sauce, the result is more of a paste and it will solidify after a few days in the fridge. I add a couple of tablespoon sized chunks to chilli recipes in place of chilli powder.

1 dried chipotle chilli
2 dried ancho chillies
50 ml red wine vinegar
90ml orange juice
30ml lime juice
50g chopped onion
30g chopped garlic
100g honey
10g salt

Dry roast the chillies, cut open and remove the seeds. Place the chillies in a bowl and cover with boiling water. Let soak for 30 minutes.
Put the soft chillies in a food processor with 30ml of the soaking liquid and pulse. Add everything else and pulse until smooth.

I find the chipotle are too fiddley to try removing seeds, so I leave them in for the extra heat. The ancho peppers are large dark purple (almost black) and have a lot of seeds so worthwhile trying to get those out. I use the recipe as a guide rather than accurately measuring everything. I store it in a jar in the fridge and it last ages - all that smoke, sugar and vinegar are natural preservatives.

My chili beef is a very different beast to the mince 'n beans variation of bolognaise but is damn good.

I use chunks of shin beef.

If you can get them, soak some mexican chillies (chipotle, ancho or just some regular dried chillies) with some sundried tomatoes in boiling water.

Chop up some onions and lots of garlic and cook in some oil in a casserole on a medium flame.
In a frying pan brown the seasoned chunks of beef well and add to the casserole.

Chop up and add the chillies and tomatoes.

Throw in some thyme, bayleaf and some whole peppercorns a good pinch of cumin seeds (dry fried first if you can be bothered).
Also some paprika - use smoked parpika if none of the chilies were smoked.


Pour in some beer - I usually use lager but a lighter ale would probably be better - stout is too dark. The meet doesn't have to be covered - just enough to stop it drying out and burning.

Lid on and into a 150drgC oven.

Check that it's not drying out and burning a couple of times.

After about 3 hours the beef should start to break down when stirred firmy with a wooden spoon. If it doesn't - cook for another hour. You should be able to mush the meat up with the spoon. It will shred into a sort of moist, stringy paste. Add more beer if necessary and taste for chillie and seasoning.

You could add cooked pinto or black turtle beans to it if you like - I prefer to serve the beans seperately, either plain or refried.

Serve with tortillas, fresh mango salsa, sour cream etc etc..or just on it's own with bread..anyway..

YUMMMMMMYYYYYY

Here's a chilli I made last week for the first time and it worked out well:
http://www.eaglesfans.com/visuals/features/chili.htm

Felt the urge again today

Two onions chopped and added to the pot with vegetable oil and salt to sweat on a low heat. Half that volume of chopped celery added immediately and two chopped, deseeded and de-membraned jalapenos. Ten minutes later, added about two tablespoons of chopped garlic (it was almost nine small cloves).

In a pan over high heat, toasted a freshly-ground mix of black pepper, cumin seeds and coriander seeds (I love my mortar and pestle). Threw that into the pot with the onion, celery and jalapeno, stirred to combine and added a can of tinned tomato and left simmering.

Took about a half-pound of round steak, trimmed of excess fat, cut into 1/4 inch cubes, and fried it in the hot pan I toasted the spices in, with a teaspoon or two of vegetable oil and (once they were initially seared) a splash or two of woustershire sauce. Seared, splashed, tossed and cooked for about a minute in the pan, just until there was colour and sear all over the meat but it was still raw in the middle. Then added to the pot (I had to do this in two batches to keep up the heat in the pan because I don't have a cast iron skillet yet ).

In a small bowl, took three new mexico dried chillies, deseeded them and cut them into strips with scissors and rehydrated them in about a cup of water; that was soaking from before the onions went on, and now it went right into the pot, along with a teaspoon of chilli powder, a half-teaspoon of nam pla, a teaspoon of sweet paprika, a teaspoon of maldon salt, and a great big heaped tablespoon of chipotle chillies in adobo sauce.

Brought to a pre-boil bubble on the pan's hob, then moved back to the original pot hob to simmer for 90 minutes before tasting, then added two teaspoons of masa harina to thicken the gravy, simmered for another 30 minutes, tasted, loved it, killed the hob but thought the heat was a little high so added a tablespoon of honey to the chilli and left it for a few minutes and now it's great. It's going to be a great lunch tomorrow

(BTW, the jalapenos, the new mexico chillis, the chipotles in adobo sauce and the masa harina were all found in one place - Fallon&Byrnes. Wouldn't buy most stuff there (their mangos were horribly over-ripe today) but for some stuff like this, they're great)

I haven't been able to make chilli since it was instigator to bring my partner into labour with our daughter.
But my €0.02 is to add bourbon (Jack Daniels works) and dark, good quality, high cocoa content chocolate. Lindt 80% works.

I do miss it