What's it like to be in your 30s?

donegalfella wrote: »

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And such a person has possibly realised that "making a dent in the world" or achieving their "life purpose" is not limited to their career.

As the French say:

Il faut travailler pour vivre, et non vivre pour travailler
(Live not to work, but work to live)

For some reason this thread wouldn't leave my head last night, and I had a long conversation with some of my friends about it on msn.

When it comes to living, society & the media has had a rather large impact on how we perceive ourselves in the world. We're taught that we're entitled to have all the good things in life, and because its such a wonderful message many of us take it completely to heart. Others who have had a harsher childhood, don't fall for this message and realise that they need to work hard to accomplish what they would like to achieve. The problem is that most people do, however, fall into this trap, and feel resentful when success or wealth doesn't fall into their laps. I certainly felt this when I was younger, and it was only when I reached my thirties that I truly realised that success (of any kind) is not a right, but rather something we need to work hard for.

I started out in IT having done it in college. At that time it was the wonder industry with success stories like Apple or Microsoft on everyone's lips. People rushed into the area, hoping that they would become instant successes, but lets face it apart from the really talented, few made any real money from it. I worked in a hosting/design company and had a great time. Played Quake or Civ on our lunch breaks, got stoned and answered technical support calls, and had a few beers while chasing down clients for monies owed. It was a time of laziness because we felt we were in the right industry, and the stereotypical internet companies of the time were somewhat similar. Then it bust, and we realised that while we had a decent company, it was nothing close to a success. And thus we started to work hard, and it went on and on. Until I left.

It was only when I worked outside of Europe that I realised the need for a professional manner in work. Australian companies didn't expect their employees to work particularly hard, but even with my own considered lazy mindset I was miles more diligent than my co-workers. And that, strangely, encouraged me to work harder, and I gained praise for doing so. Ahh, praise and acknowledgment for commitment to working. Something I had never really gotten from companies I had worked for in Ireland and England.

And I came to the startling conclusion. I expected the praise and didn't get it. I expected the pay raises, and increased responsibility, but didn't get it. It was only when I stopped expecting recognition, and actually focused myself of working effectively that I got what I wanted.

And it comes back to the expectation of success that was drilled into us in school, by the media, and by society. Previously when in work I would play browser games, look at myspace, check the news channels, and badly hide my actions from my managers. But once I focused on work, I felt no need to waste my time on such things. I could garner my own self-respect, and pride in job well done. But then everything changed, when I understood that I didn't have to stay in this type of work, and could choose where and how I worked.

Your teens are about learning, and adapting yourself to school/college formula's. Your 20's are about finishing college, and setting a place in your world (usually still conforming to your families unspoken interest). Your 30's are about either accepting your previous choices, or making radical new ones. You don't have to continue what was done before. You don't have to stay in a profession you don't enjoy. You don't have to chase western girls, if they don't really interest you. You don't have to drink heaps, and consider a "black out" as being a good night out. You don't have to conform to the accepted lifestyle that society throws out for you.

You have the choice to lead your own life. That is what age 30+ means. Knowing that your life is your own, and nobody else's. That you have one lifetime, so you might as well be happy living it. If you don't like your job, find one you do like. I've seen numerous articles which have shown that if you do a job you enjoy, it will pay the bills. However, if you're doing a job you don't like, while you may pay the bills, you won't be all that happy, and that will feed into other parts of your life.

Still rambling, although its rather clear in my head.

The Corinthian wrote: »

Imagine you hit your early to mid-thirties and you have spent all of your adult life up to that point fecking around - by this I mean, not having built up a career, perhaps not even having worked, not paid into any pension plan, not bought a house - in short, you are still living like someone ten or fifteen years younger than you.

You've lost ten to fifteen years of your working life - possibly the most important ones. Even if you start a pension plan now, you'll have to pay considerably more into it every month to make up for lost time. The same goes for a mortgage, as you will not get one that goes beyond a certain length. Then to make matters worse, your lack of career means that you're still only able to command a low salary relative to your age, which makes such increased contributions even harder to afford.

And finally, there is the distinct possibility that your procrastination to this point is because you still have not decided "what you want to be when you grow up". What are the chances of that changing overnight?

Great post. Always love reading your posts in this area.

The same is also very true when it comes to relationships. I stayed single right until after I hit 30. Never saw the need nor felt any particular desire to stay with any one woman for any length of time. After all, why not just keep them as friends, and hook up with randomers. Also didn't help I was hooked on asian women, when there were very few asian immigrants in Ireland.

But when I reached the stage where I wanted to stay together with the women I met, I was at a distinct disadvantage, since I didn't have the experience of those who had persued such in their teens & 20's. I made silly mistakes, and some amazing women slipped through my fingers as a result.

To experience one side of life, often you sacrifice other area's. Its very very difficult to experience everything to the full. I certainly haven't been capable of it.

johnnyskeleton wrote: »

Mind you, if you can enjoy your job and spend some sneaky time on facebook, you'll be doing well.

TBH as someone who has been a manager a number of times in different companies, I'd advise against it. Primarily, because its easier to fall into bad habits than to get out of them. And secondly because your manager/supervisor will know what your doing, and it will count against you. If you wish to be successful in your work, then stay focused on your work. Its not really that difficult and the working days aren't particularly long in most jobs. Some companies don't mind a quick break to check email/facebook at lunch, but during work time they'll expect you to do your job. If you can't, then you're not really good material for more responsibility, and other people will get the bigger chances.

However, if you're looking to just drift along, without any real aim to succeed, then go ahead, and waste time. It won't matter one way or another, although in the current economic/employment climate you should probably be doing everything you can to keep your employers happy with your performance.