Hymenectomy

hi all looking for some help here
will try to keep this short due to reasons in my pass i have never had sex
have been for counselling and things are a lot clearer but still have something in my head that i can't get rid of, my hymen is still intact so i have a huge fear of sex being painful doctors exams or using of tampon causes pain . i have done some research on a hymenectomy but can only find doctor in uk that can do this i have spoke to different doctors about my problem and advise has ranged from have a bottle of wine first to it will be ok with the right person but the problem is this has become such a big thing that i won't allow myself to even get that far i have put a lot of thought into this so it's not just on a whim .I'm in my late 30's have a good job and own my own home so it's not just a young naive view on sex
any helpful information would be really appreciated