Not a virgin but feel like one!

LegacyUser · 26-04-2009 05:38PM #1

Hi everyone, just wondering would ye give some views on my little issue.

Many months back I met a guy and while we got on only ok there was a great chemsitry between us. On our second meeting he stayed over and even though we fooled around all night we didnt have sex. I knew that if we did I wouldnt se him again and he basicially practically admitted that 'since this is only going to be a one night thing you might as well get soemthing out of it' Warped logic I know! Needless to say didnt hear from him again since he didnt get what he wanted. I wanted some semblance of a relationship so I didnt persue him as I knew he wasnt into anything serious.

So months later he started texting me again aksing how I was and saying we had unfinished business from that night and would I be up for meeting and actually having sex. To me that sounded like he just was horny and single and started texting anybody he thought might take the bait. I was seriously tempted to but I knew I would probably get hurt in some way (like I always do!). But I did admit to him that I would like to at some stage.

Startes texting me again saying about all the unfinished business business and it came out that he was seeing someone at that time so he wasnt able to meet me but he defo would if/when he was single again. I said I was looking for something very casual at the moment as I am so busy with work so again I encouraged him that this meeting would happen and while I do want it to Im a bit nervous but I think I encouraged it as I knew he wasnt single so I was safe enough...

So this weekend he texts and I find out hes single and hes up for meeting. Again while I really want to sleep with him and it suits me for somethinmg casual Im worried.

Why? Well with all my talk Im actually not that experienced in bed. I have fooled around with and done most things but have sex with lots of guys but I have had full sex with only 1 guy. So while Im a sexual person and want to sleep with him im nervous about the sex and am lacking confidence. But its not really lacking confidence in my technique or in my body but more Im not sure of many of the basics (like when exactly to put a condom on and when his penis is hard enough to actually go inside) and thats whats holding me back. I cant tell him because we are not exaclty in a trusting position or any sort of a relationship and also I dont want him to be dissapointed especially after all my encouragement and cocky talk.

Many will probably say 'well dont have sex then' or 'your not ready' but im 24 and not willing to wait around. I actually feel like a virgin who is actually confident, not shy and up for some dirty casual sex but just a little unsure of the technicalities! haha!

What ye think?

pow wow · 26-04-2009 05:56PM

Don't do it. You sound like you like to have an emotional involvement in sex, which this guy isn't going to facilitate. Even though you know what you're getting into, you'll probably get hurt in the end.

ibarelycare · 26-04-2009 06:03PM

OP, don't worry about not being experienced. Firstly, (and this is going to sound blunt) the guy seems like all he wants is a shag, I don't think he's going to be too bothered you don't know every position of the karma sutra!

About the condom thing, just make sure he puts it on before sex, and even before oral sex (if he has any infections they can still be transmitted through oral sex). When you're about to do either of these things and he hasn't got a condom on yet, just ask him to put one on. If he asks you to do it, just say you can never do it right (don't be embarrassed about this, they can be fiddley!)

Don't worry about feeling inexperienced, as long as he knows what he's doing he can take the lead and once you get into it and relax you'll be able to find positions that you enjoy and feel comfortable with. You said you've "done most things," I presume you mean oral and hand jobs? Well that's half of it, spend as long as you want enjoying foreplay before you go for penetrative sex.

Don't think about it too much, just be safe and enjoy it!

LegacyUser · 26-04-2009 06:14PM

pow wow wrote: »

Don't do it. You sound like you like to have an emotional involvement in sex, which this guy isn't going to facilitate. Even though you know what you're getting into, you'll probably get hurt in the end.

Sounds to me like you just want to have sex, to get some experience.
Go out and meet someone decent to have sex with, the guys is playing you, I bet he still has a girlfriend.
All his texts are about having sex with you, not about you.
Don't sleep with this guy because you feel inexperienced and want to get some miles on the clock, to make you feel more confident about sex

Faith · 26-04-2009 07:57PM

I agree with the others in that you shouldn't do it, but if you're determined to go ahead, then don't worry about lack of knowledge. Let him put the condom on - as long as it's before penetration, it's fine. To be extra safe, you should have it on before oral sex, but the taste of latex isn't great, so you might want to skip that step (giving oral, that is, not putting the condom on before). He'll know when it's hard enough to put in, just let him lead the way.

If you're unsure about techniques for things, just ask him to tell you how he likes it. Rather than saying "Uh, I've no idea what I'm doing here", just say something like "I want you to show me exactly how you like it" or whatever. A few drinks beforehand probably wouldn't go astray for your confidence levels.

Again though, please be sure that you want to go ahead with this and make sure you understand he's not interested in anything other than sex.

LegacyUser · 26-04-2009 08:45PM

Thanks everyone. I cant multi-quote cos im unreg but just a few things:

Yes I probably will get hurt as I always do but I am going away for the whole Summer with work so I feel that will be a nice handy fullstop to the whole thing.

Doing this just to clock up some sex miles? You are absolutely correct. One of the main reasons im so inexperiences at actual penetrative sex is that I often never feel enough spark or attraction. Now I defo feel that with this guy so I dont want to miss a good chance to have really good sex, even if nothing more will come of it.

All he wants is that too. I know and I am ok with that. But I am still mulling it over!

Wibbs · 26-04-2009 09:33PM

OK maybe I'm going against the tide here, but I reckon if you need this boost to your confidence, then go for it. As you say, you're going away soon, so why not? If you see it as a nice way to get back in the saddle so to speak, I personally can't see the harm in it. It may actually turn out to be no strings attached fun and so long as no one is getting hurt we, well a lot of us need that from time to time.

Splendour · 26-04-2009 11:19PM

Single lady wrote: »

Yes I probably will get hurt as I always do but I am going away for the whole Summer with work so I feel that will be a nice handy fullstop to the whole thing.

This statement is a bit of an oxymoran. If you assume you are going to get hurt then you can forget about the fullstop!

Also if you are still mulling it in your head then DON'T DO IT!!

If you want to learn about the sexual act, get your hands on some of classic novels ie; Pride and Predudice etc... If you learn the technique of the build up/foreplay to sex then you'll have no problems with the physical act itself...

LegacyUser · 27-04-2009 03:21AM

i think you should go for it, if you feel ready and willing, and that this is right for you, why not, as long as your prepared for what might happen, ie sleeping with him, then never hearing from him again, but it could be a good experience for you, i wouldnt confid in him tho , he doesnt from your description come across as the type you can confess you darkest secrets or anything else too,

but down to the problems, at hand, all i can say is at the time, you will know what to do, ask him to put on the condom, anyway its easy, there only 2 sides and pinch the top when your rolling it down, hardness, this is definitly his department, hes not going to offer it, if its not ready, guys dont do this!!! if in doubt **** him for a few mins till it feels solid, sorry to be so graphic, but were all adults! and hey, have fun, enjoy yourself, and makesure you have a good time too!

Not a virgin but feel like one!

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