Never had orgasm

LegacyUser · 06-01-2009 05:39PM #1

Ok thing is, im 21 year old female and over the past while have become worried about the above.
I don't know if this is the right place to post either but too embarrassed to go to doctor.
I have had two boyfriend's and had a sexual relationship with one of them. I have also "messed" around without sleeping with a couple of others. The first one we did everything but oral and the deed.
While i enjoyed intimacy with both of these guys and wouldn't say it was bad, im not sure if i've even come close to orgasm. When fingered i enjoy it, i get pleasure and sometimes pain and often get a feeling that i need to pass water but never close to orgasm.
When doing the deed with my last boyfriend, sometimes it would hurt at the beginning, sometimes i could barely feel anything and sometimes again i would get the urgency to pee. Again never had an orgasm.
I masturbate often and while i enjoy it i never get the feeling thats supposed to come with an orgasm.
So all in all, i enjoy being intimate with guys, i usually relax when it happens and am not one for holding back and am pretty confident about my body etc.
The only thing worrying me is i have never been close to having an orgasm, never get that rush of adrenaline etc thats suppsed to happen.
Don't know if i'm looking for advice here or somebody else in the same situation but would take either as im now with a guy who's 26 and i know he is experienced and even though i look forward to doing the deed with him, i'm worried that the same thing happens again.
Thanks in advance

LegacyUser · 07-01-2009 12:11AM

An ex of mine had a similar problem for a good while and a dildo with the vibrating appendage solved it completely. After that she had orgasms quite easily. I don't know why but it seemed to work.

Wibbs · 07-01-2009 12:16AM

The urgency to pee feeling could be the approach of an orgasm. At least I've been told that before, especially with G spot stimulation. It's more a feeling of release and letting go, which could feel like needing to pee. If that worries you, then make sure you've nothing left in the chamber before you try. That may allay your fear. Work through that feeling and let yourself relax. The first one will be the hardest, but after that as you will know your own particular personal responses the next time and all the times after that will be easy.

You may also have a problem with guys who don't know diddly. That's common enough. It's common with women who don't know diddly too, trust me

:D.

the thing is if you don't know your own needs you can't inform your lover, no matter how good he is.

relax. It'll happen. You're not the first woman in this position and you won't be the last. So in that you're not unique, but in how you gain pleasure for you is unique. The more you explore that uniqueness the more you'll get to the nub of you.

LegacyUser · 07-01-2009 09:45AM

Well done asking for advice on this because so many women just let this one go and presume there is something wrong with them and that they will never be able to have an orgasm.

The fact that you already masturbate is brilliant and you are on the right track. You need to figure out what works for you, on your own before anybody else will ever be able to do it for you.

What you need to do is relax, pick a time and a place where you are totally comfortable and just go for it. Take the time, as gently (or not) as you like, to stroke in and around the clitoris area (circular motions, back and forth - whichever feels best) Close your eyes and focus on what your feeling, whilst thinking about whatever fantasies turn you on. Be prepared for it to take up to 30 minutes, if not more the first time.

It's easy to get frustrated because it's taking too long and become convinced that there is just something wrong with you - but don't. Accept that it's going to take longer than ten minutes and just stick with it. That's perfectly normal.

Never forget that the brain is the most powerful sexual organ of all and use it to conjure up whatever images or scenarios you like!

SeekUp · 07-01-2009 03:04PM

I'd have to agree with post #2.

While you say you masturbate often, you didn't mention how you masturbate (nor do you have to!). But when I was "figuring out" my body, I found that with a vibrator, I was able to relax much more and take the pressure off myself to actually try and have an orgasm, which in turn made it easier to actually have one - in various situations!

Once you know how to get yourself there, it's much easier to do with a partner.

LegacyUser · 07-01-2009 03:23PM

I was 23 before my first orgasm... I'd been with partners before who tried pretty much everything but it just never happened.

So eventually, I bought a vibrator and played around with it. It took a while but as soon as I had my first orgasm, every subsequent one became easier as I learned the 'signs'. It's only a short step then to learning to bring yourself to orgasm with just your fingers.

LegacyUser · 07-01-2009 07:46PM

Vibrator did it for me 1st time even though i'd played round with myself and had sex before.......... and now can do it myself without....couldn't recommend getting one more, put one on your shopping list for tomorrow

LegacyUser · 07-01-2009 08:20PM

I have the exact same problem as the OP..in a long term relationship, totally comfortable, sometimes get that urge to pee, and recently have come round to letting go/releasing with no effect whatsoever. I never get any sensation masturbating myself, it doesn't feel different even after ages, sometimes it just gets irritating. Ive tried imaging/fantasizing and the only time I come need to feeling what i think could be immense pleasure, is when i might have a dream or wake up briefly (which is pretty rare). It's really frustrating and I know it's starting to upset my man as he and I have tried everything.

Sorry to hijack thread, just glad someone has posted this problem,

LegacyUser · 12-04-2009 04:45PM

OP here,

last poster i can totally identify with you waking up turned on. The same happens me when haveing a sexy dream or whatever and i assume thats what an orgasm feels like.

I have since split with the guy i was seeing and again never really came close to orgasm with him. Tried everything, setting the mood etc and in fairness he was really supportive and the reason we split was nothing to do with it.

I guess the only thing left for me to do is just buy a vibrator and go with the flow!

Thanks for all the help!

LegacyUser · 14-04-2009 12:34AM

i have a similar problem i have never had an orgasm wit a partner but can make myself orgasm

Gyalist · 14-04-2009 08:15AM

OK girls, calm down. There's nothing wrong with you. In fact, you might be actually putting too much pressure on yourself and your partners.

Only 30% of women orgasm through penetration alone. Even women who orgasm regularly only climax about 50 percent to 70 percent of the time.

It's not unusual for women to be in their mid-20s before they have their first orgasm.

You need to train your body and learn to recognise the signs of impending orgasm. Buy a vibrator/dildo and learn how your body responds. It will become easier to achieve after the first one. When you learn for yourself how to reach orgasm, you have to communicate this to your partner. There's no shame in telling your partner exactly what it takes for you to reach orgasm.

The sensation of needing to pee is usually a sign that your G-Spot is being stimulated. However, because of so many years of toilet training, most women are unable to let tmemselves go. It could also mean that you are a "squirter" but again many women do not let themselves go because of the feeling of shame associated with bed-wetting.

Certain types of medication - SSRIs used for the treatment of depression are notorious for this - can make reaching orgasm difficult/impossible (Anorgasmia). If you think that this may affect you it is best that you discuss it with your GP.

LegacyUser · 15-04-2009 03:09PM

I'm 25 and have never had an orgasm.

I have never really masturbated successfully either. Anytime i get turned on it doesn't last long enough and it's like i'm not touching the right places. Its so goddamn frustrating.

I imagine if i lay there for nearly a half hour i'd go more numb than i already am. i can't imagine it just suddenly happening after about 20 minutes. Can it just suddenly click?

I'm kind of just hoping i meet a bloke who i fancy so much that it just happens, thats what close friends are telling me will happen, probably because it's what i want to hear, but i keep reading "If you can't do it yourself, nobody else will..." if thats the case then i'm....Screwed really. pardon the pun.

Never had orgasm

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