What would you do?

LegacyUser · 08-04-2009 08:45PM #1

Can I ask your advice?
I am feeling so lost and alone.
I am lucky in that I have good enough job in the public sector and know I should be really grateful that I am not facing redundancy in these times. (I have been made redundant before out of the blue and know what it feels like). I moved cities to take this job and am finding it really hard to make friends. I have joined evening classes and am a bubbly friendly person but sometimes I just feel like I am falling apart. People seem to be in their own circles and I am accepted and get on well with people for the evening but I am so sick and tired of not having anyone to really talk to and to lend emotional support.
One day I am thinking of buying a house here, as having moved several times in the last number of years, maybe I just need a bit of security and somewhere to call home. The next day I am thinking of giving it all up and backpacking or something for a year. Then again I think I want to go back to college. I would do whatever the hell it is I think I should do, if only I knew what I should do to help me feel fulfilled.
The tears are tripping me as I write this.
Anyway I suppose today I heard about the 'career break' thing for civil servants in the budget. I have about 5k of savings and am thinking of taking it up, but I am so all over the place, tomorrow i will probably be back to buying a house again just so that I can settle down and never again have to go through this thing of being the new kid in town and not having any friends and not having to try so damn hard to get some sort of social circle.
Sorry this is so long. What would you do? Keep plugging away trying to make a life for yourself here? Or get out coz life is too short for it to be such a struggle?

LegacyUser · 08-04-2009 09:08PM

It's hard living in a city when you don't have people you are close to - things going on around you and so many people about and that adds to the loneliness.

Well, I haven't been exactly where you are but I have lived abroad and been relatively on my own - shared a house with a good mate but when he was home at weekends, I'd literally have 2 days on my own and boy did those weekends drag. The papers, followed by a walk, maybe the gym adn then sitting around for Big Brother to start....... I used to look forward to work on Monday morning to socialise.

So, you could take a career break, or you could buy a house.... . or, you could do both.

Flight to India 700 quid, 1300 spending money will get you far and then you've 3k in the bank for when you come home - and a job waiting for you.

I found that the benefits of travel was that I met loads of different types of people and realised that I was fairly normal and that I got on with quite a lot of people - at home I always thought I was too quiet and boring and had nothing to say. Travelling on my own forced me out of my shell.

I've yet to hear of anyone who regretted heading off to see new places and different things.

What do you like doing? What hobbies do you have? I took up a sport recently and it has completely changed my social life. I get away most weekends, have met a cool bunch of people who I like and I'm seeing more of them than my old friends.

Having something in common with people is a great start in making friends...

What age are you?

Ireland can be a hard place to make friends - people seem more inclined to stick with their bunch of mates and can be reluctant to let new people in.

And, you might have to be a bit pushy - not in a bad way but if one of your workmates is heading out over the weekend just say "hey, I;m at a bit of a loose end, can I come join you guys on Saturday night?" . There's no harm in trying. The pay off could be great for you.

bluecell99 · 08-04-2009 09:10PM

What would I do?Nothing - yet.

Take a step back.You are piling unnessecary pressure on yourself.Whats the need to buy now?Just concentrate on one thing at a time.Its important to take stock.New pastures dont mean inner happiness.You need to relax,appreciate the fact you have a good job and move towards developing a social life.Easier said than done?yes.But,it can be done.Try to get involved in group activities such as classes,any kind of hobby.Be open and friendly.Of course people are in groups and its sometimes hard to join in.

Before you know it things will sort themselves out.Day at a time.Plan something positive for the weekend.Change your routine.Focus on what you have and move forward slowly.In time the answers as to whether you need to move or go on a career break will come.Once you are clear in your own mind.Easy for things to get on top of us nowadays.Dont bottle things up.Stay in contact with friends and family.New friends take time.

While it takes effort hopefully in six months time you wll be in a happier ,more stable place emotionally and your present anxities will be just a memory.

take care.

LegacyUser · 08-04-2009 09:11PM

sounds like your having a rough time. Have you moved to a new time before...is this the first time it's bothered you I mean? Have you any friends settled somewhere, maybe you could keep in contact with them, move closer to them? I moved away once on my own to a new country for six months and had the same problems...couldn't make friends and thought it was my fault. Perhaps you need to house-share to make new friends, or maybe it's just the wrong town for you?? I know as you get older (I'm 24 now) it's pretty hard to make friends. It's sad...because I've recently split from a longterm partner, lost most of my friends through it (they were his friends before we hooked up) and though I'm friendly and outgoing, ppl just don't want to know once they have a clique. chances are though, if you're that down...you might need to look at the rest of your life to see why you're so upset...perhaps you might be better changing jobs? I'd say go travelling, it gives a great perspective and boost to confidence, or emigrate

LegacyUser · 08-04-2009 09:21PM

bllloooooo wrote: »

What age are you?

Am 32. Female. Old friends all settled down, mostly with babies.
My (elderly) parents are here in Ireland, they are the only ties I have here.

SheRa · 08-04-2009 09:39PM

What ever you decide to do, bear in mind that while you would easily get a career break it will be virtually impossible to get back in.

I work in the public sector and personally know of three people out on career break who have not been allowed back in the last few months, and this is before the public sector embargo announced last week. Their Department can kept putting off their return date until the "next appropriate vacancy arises" and it doesnt have to be located anywhere near where you are working now.

LegacyUser · 09-04-2009 10:28PM

Thanks all for the advice. Going to take this weekend out and try to get a head shower and see where I should go. Cheers.

alegrabaroque · 10-04-2009 09:53PM

Hi! You sound as scattered as me. Dub is a bit lonely, moved there this year myself for college. Went back mature student. Love if you`d pm me we could go for coffee and chat?

ogriofa · 10-04-2009 10:38PM

Ah yes, hiya!

I have a good idea of what youre going through.

I had a **** job, fell out with 99% of my friends, no girlfriend... crap all over really.
I thought that going travelling was like running away. After a couple of months in a real funk I decided "no, feic that, what am I trying to prove by staying here?" and decided to go.
Best thing I ever did. I went to Oz. Here's the biggy... everyone was in the same boat. You talk about moving city and being the odd one out. If you went to Oz (for example) all the things that you feel are holding you back here would be gone.
You'd be just another traveller and would defo meet people. I couldn't help it. I'm very outgoing but quiet initially. People come up to you.

I'd defo go. (although nowhere is good for jobs abroad at the mo)(except maybe Canada)

Go

What would you do?

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