I can't deal with this anymore....

LegacyUser · 27-03-2009 07:20PM #1

I dont know....I so fed up with everything.
I used to be a really happy person, I used to have everything going for me, but now I just feel horrificly bad.
I was in a relationship for 3 years and that ended becouse he wanted to be with sombody else. I had never had a proper bf before this one, and given that we start going out when I was 23 I am terribly afraid that I'm stuck on my own now. Its no him that I miss, its just human contact in general. I detest being single, I hate the way I constantly feel I am not attractive enough or popular enough for people. I never get chatted up, or asked out, I never even get to snog a random person on a night out. It hurts me in a way that you wouldnt beleive and the pain of this is excruciating.
This is starting to effect my work, I cant contribute properly to what I do, becouse I feel becouse I am not good looking or popular people arent interested. It has happened a lot recently that work colleges dont take me seriously and in some cases have taken my ideas as their own.
At Christmas I was extreemly low and thought about taking my own life. I know this is awful, many people close to me have done it and I have seen how it effect their family and friends and for years I have maintained that that is why i would never do something like that. So I didnt do anything, just thought about it. Since christmas I have come to think about it more and more, I am pretty sure I am not going to do anything, but i cant get it out of my mind.
I feel horrificly bad, so much so that i cant get up in the mornings. I have take quite a few sick days from work becouse I just cant leave the security of my bed.
I have never been like this before, I was always a very social person, got on well with most people and involved in lots of things. since i start working i havent had time for this and now i am at a stage where i cant talk to anyone becouse I am so terribly afraid I am not good enough to talk to them.

I know a lot of people deal with feeling like this on a regular basis and i know people have much worse problems then me, but i just had to write this out and get something out of my head to make me feel better.
If anyone want to comment do, becouse i really need help.

cantdecide · 27-03-2009 07:48PM

How long ago did you break up with yer man?

Senna · 27-03-2009 07:57PM

You say you were involved in lots of things but dont have the time now because of work, this might be the root of your problems. You need to make time for socialising, not necessarily going to the pub, but just getting out of the house and interacting with people. People need people and thats normal, you have to make a consious effort to start doing what ever it is you used to do before (or something new), social groups, clubs, gym, etc etc
Best of luck

LegacyUser · 27-03-2009 08:02PM

Maybe you should speak to a doctor? Could be a case of depression.

P Davis · 27-03-2009 08:16PM

fair play to you for writhing it down as a problem shared is a problem halfed i know the more you think about something the harded it is to find the answer. maybe you could try talking to samartins or keep posting here if it helps also break your routine fresh air is free join a club get a pet a dog is always happy to see you when you come home. try to stay off the drink (if you do drink) for 5 or 6 weeks as it make you depressed .

Happinessis like a lost item when you stop looking for it you find it .

you can p.m. me if you like
thinnking of you at this time Paul

Karen_* · 27-03-2009 11:06PM

Sorry you feel so bad and although its no help at the moment it WILL pass!!

Nothing like a break up to make you feel like the creature from the deep that's for sure but its normal to feel that way. We all do. And we all don't have blokes falling at our feet -its either a fest or a famine. Stick with it OP and don't give up. Christmas is a terribly lonely time for those hurting anyway and the vast majority of people aren't enjoying it.

http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/

Try reading this site. Its go loads about breakups and feeling the way you do now. And loads about how to be assertive with everyone and feel better about yourself. I had a breakdown last year and was pretty much feeling like you are but this year I'm the happiest I've ever been. I got to this point by being really nice to myself but at the same time pushing myself because I deserve better than unhappiness.

You will NOT always be alone. You'll be grand but you just have to give it time hon.

starchild · 27-03-2009 11:09PM

hi op

thats a nightmare place to be in & i really feel for you, its a place i was and i know it very well

it seems to me that you were hugely dependent on your ex to such an extent that now that he is gone from you you can see no worth in yourself. Just because he took his love away from you has not lessened you in any way. You are still the same person that he went out with for 3 years.

What you need to do is to start building yourself up again, loneliness is like a disease it can eat away at you over time, your life needs focus, set yourself a target to do something and work towards that

Confide in people be they friends or work colleagues or family whether you know them or not, the majority of people have gone through traumatic times and no one will think any less of you. In fact you may be surprised at the support you get.

get out of the habit of taking days off , i understand why you do it but it is unhealthy and will not help you to face the issues you are dealing with

i so wish that i could find the words to help you more but the best i can come up is to say that yes sometimes life is a struggle where all seems so wrong but in reality this is not so, you are dealing with such intense emotions that its hard to see clearly , try to accept the situation you find yourself in now and find the road out of it

Sometimes its very very hard to do this by yourself please think of getting some counselling or therapy , there is no shame in this and it will definitely help in dealing with any sucidial feelings which most of us here are probably not qualified to deal with.

One thing that struck me when reading your post was where you mentioned thinking of your family/friends , any person who can do this while going through such a traumatic time deserves all the credit in the world. It shows a huge level of empathy and is to be much admired

wish you all the best

LegacyUser · 28-03-2009 07:54AM

I've gone unregistered for this,

Unregistered wrote: »

I dont know....I so fed up with everything.
I never get chatted up, or asked out, I never even get to snog a random person on a night out. It hurts me in a way that you wouldnt beleive and the pain of this is excruciating..

This also happens to me, and was thinking the same thing but i had a look at the way in which i protrayed myself, asked a good friend and she said that i had put up this barrier arround me, and although she knew i wasnt doing it on purpose no one else did. One day i was at a concert and this guy (who was very good looking) stopped to talk and told me that i had the prettiest brown eyes he had ever seen (we wasnt flurting, his girlfriend was standing beside him) and it made my day. (i have brown eyes but im hardly a stunner, actually im fairly gauky looking).

Unregistered wrote: »

This is starting to effect my work, I cant contribute properly to what I do, becouse I feel becouse I am not good looking or popular people arent interested. It has happened a lot recently that work colleges dont take me seriously and in some cases have taken my ideas as their own.

Try a pick me up maybe, a new work bag, new shoes the smarter the better, new stationary. I have to say though, be carefull that you are not realiant on this, its only a short term solution. In my case this kind of became addictive.

Unregistered wrote: »

At Christmas I was extreemly low and thought about taking my own life. I know this is awful, many people close to me have done it and I have seen how it effect their family and friends and for years I have maintained that that is why i would never do something like that. So I didnt do anything, just thought about it. Since christmas I have come to think about it more and more, I am pretty sure I am not going to do anything, but i cant get it out of my mind.

The many people that have taken their own lives have obviously had an affect on you, I think, you need to talk to some one who is qualified to deal with this. My brother told me yesterday that suicide was an option for him, and im not too well my self, but realising that is a very good step. I cant deal with what my brother said, started into a panick attack, a very bad one only admitted that it was a panick attack after watching 'I See a Darkness' on RTE. I suppose ive turned this thread to myself, anyway the point is that feeling down and having thoughts of suicide are not uncommon. I have started having them, my brother has had them, my friend has had them, another friends boyfriend has had them. but these thoughts are not really ... i dont want to say normal ...but they shouldnt be occupying your mind. I've made a gp appointment on monday to do something about this.

Unregistered wrote: »

I know a lot of people deal with feeling like this on a regular basis and i know people have much worse problems then me, but i just had to write this out and get something out of my head to make me feel better.
If anyone want to comment do, becouse i really need help.

Well there you have it, you know you need help. admitting that is a really good step. Is there a close friend or family member that you can talk to, because the more you talk the more you will realise about yourself. I find boards great tbh. and same as paul ill pm you (as im unregistered here) and you can message me if you want.

LegacyUser · 28-03-2009 09:46PM

thanks everyone for their comments.
sombody asked how long its been since i broke up with my bf? about 6 months. It was fine for a little while becouse i was really busy at work till christmas and its just been down hill since then, especialy now since the nature of my work has changed.
I have decide to cut ties with him really, becouse the last time i met him it was unbearable. I find it awful hard that he has oviously moved on and has no problem finding sombody else, while i cant. Its very hard though becouse we live in the same area.
I have started to see a counciler, but in ways, i find it hard to open up to her about what is really going on. Its much the same with other people and things like the semaritians. I dont like sharing my feelings with the few friends I have becouse i dont want to burden them, they all have their own problems, and i dont want them to feel they have to mind me and wrap me up in cotton wool. I find it ok here, becouse, well there are numerious post on the same thing, so i am only one of a number.
Any time I have broached the subject with them the responce is, "this is the time to enjoy being single" or "its great being on your own" and I really dont feel like this at all. I have come to hate going out becouse I just feel so awful when i come home that nobody is interested in me. I have never enjoyed being single, even when i didnt have a bf, and in some ways I feel I a failure becouse I have messed up a relationship.
I have spent the weekend here, in my home place becouse I was desprately afraid what i would do if i was alone in the house i rent. (all my house mates are away this weekend). I can safely say i feel safer here, but i dread going back tommorrow.

LegacyUser · 28-03-2009 10:04PM

Hi Op,

I know how it feels to be desperately lonely after a break up. I too have been through this. Afterward, I spent a lot of time alone in my room spending time on the internet and just watching movies and wallowing in myself.

It's so easy for someone to say to get out of it, and shake yourself up and get on with things but life isn't as easy as some may think. When you get into a rut, it's so difficult to get out of it. I found that doing small things like getting to the shop for a small treat, like a bar of chocolate, could help a lot. Then as the days went on, the tasks got bigger...

A lot of it is believing in yourself more. You need to trust yourself, and allow yourself to be happy with your own company. Think of it this way, if you don't love yourself how is anyone else supposed to? Do things to make yourself feel good; have a glass of wine in the bath with a good book, do your makeup multiple times to see how many beautiful ways you can look!!! It can be only take a small thing to brighten up your day and make life seem that little bit more sunny.

I hope that something small from my advice might help you some way, but I am thinking of you and have been through it too...... x

Joey the lips · 29-03-2009 07:58AM

Hi OP, Your writing your feelings down and your getting a lot of advice. Keep writing them down get it all out. As you can see your not being judged or compared with other problems but listened to.

I think everyone in your situation goes through this hardship. I can appreciate its very difficult for you. In your life you prob had a lot mapped out and now the map has been torn up. You just need to start again. Your feelings were deep which is hitting you bad. As daft as it sounds always go back to your start. Think of the reasons people generally are attracted to you. I dont know you personally but is it your smile, your eyes, your hair. Focus on keeping a positive smile on your face. There is no greater attraction or feeling of warmth than a smile received.

You need to look at your social circle. I know this bit everyone says but its the truth. Get out more, meet new friends, the more people you meet the more you interact. As daft as it sounds I talk to everyone. so much so I take a hour to walk the 15min to my village cause everyone stops me. My o/h thinks this is very funny. I always tell her there my friends for the day she fecks off on me.

Unload your feelings but dont let them get you down. There is no greater person than a person feeling positive.

All the best.

lostjo · 03-04-2009 01:35PM

Please don't harm yourself, there are lots of people who love you who's lives would be ripped apart if you were to leave them. I know this cos my very special daddy died suddenly on me 8 days ago & I just can't believe how hard it is.

I'm not trying to guilt you out with any life is precious spiel, I actually just registered on this site in the last few minutes to see if I could find anyone in the same position as me that I could speak to, seen your message and my heart just broke for you cos I've been in that place too......... so..............hard as it is, chin up, take care of yourself & remember more people love you than you can ever imagine!

P Davis · 03-04-2009 05:25PM

How thing,s this week ? Did you go into work ? Are you going home this week end
keep in touch with us
we are here for you if you need to to talk or type
thinking of you Paul

zxcvbnm1 · 03-04-2009 08:52PM

To the OP - I am no expert but i seriously believe you are depressed.

It is good that you are seeing a counsellor. I believe you shoudl also see a psychiatrist.
Discuss this with your counsellor.

Read up on depression and see if you can relate to it.
To my knowledge you tick a lot of boxes for depression though.

r3nu4l · 03-04-2009 09:03PM

Unregistered wrote: »

I know a lot of people deal with feeling like this on a regular basis and i know people have much worse problems then me, but i just had to write this out and get something out of my head to make me feel better.
If anyone want to comment do, becouse i really need help.

It doesn't matter how bad other peoples problems are, this is your problem and it's hurting you. You need some help and encouragement!

Unregistered wrote: »

thanks everyone for their comments.
sombody asked how long its been since i broke up with my bf? about 6 months. It was fine for a little while becouse i was really busy at work till christmas and its just been down hill since then, especialy now since the nature of my work has changed.

I was with someone for 3 years, she broke up with me, I was devastated, lost for a long time. Felt that my life was over and that nothing would ever be the same again. I took time off work, used alcohol as a crutch and lost friends because of it. I went off the rails and hated myself and my life. I thought I'd never see the end of it and did seriously think about taking my own life.

These days I'm married to a fantastic woman, have a great job I love and while I have problems, they are minor, everyday things and nothing compared to how I felt back then!

Things will change for you, that's all I can say. They will, believe me. In the meantime, see a GP, talk it through and see what happens. If you get some moronic GP who just tells you to 'get over it', find a different non-dinosaur GP and talk to him/her. Go for some counselling. Seriously, it could be really, really useful for you and will help you see things differently.

You're not the first to feel like this and you won't be the last (unfortunately

) but if I could get through it then so can you! Definitely, go to a GP and counsellor, it really will be worth it. Just remember that you are a far better person than you are thinking you are right now!!!

I can't deal with this anymore....

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