Wife's friend at work

the_dark_side · 25-03-2009 03:08PM #1

as I being overly concerned when I dont need to be? ... I'll keep it brief, married just over 1 year to partner of 8 years, things very good generally apart from one episode which we put behind us. She has a friend at work who I have met once on a night out, they seemed to get on very well etc. She was at the Christmas party and stayed over at his house rather than drive home (a spare house attached to his mother's homeplace).. then she tells me that he came out of the closet not long before.. a few nights ago she had to travel some distance to attend a meeting which ran late and stayed over at his place again, and told me yesterday that she plans to stay over again next week because there is another late event on, her work is over an hours drive from our house. What is everyone's take on this? thanks

Gone Drinking · 25-03-2009 03:12PM

Does he look and act like a massive poof? A girly poof i mean..

the_dark_side · 25-03-2009 03:14PM

Id have to say no, he doesnt... but at the same time...not the type of person that you would be surprised to hear came out of the closet

Gone Drinking · 25-03-2009 03:17PM

Personally, i wouldn't be happy with my wife being "stay over" mates with anyone who isn't a massive Graham Norton type poof. Not saying this guy isn't a poof, he probably is but i can imagine you don't feel comfortable with the whole thing.

My advice would be to sit down with your wife and tell her the whole thing is making you feel a little bit uncomfortable and that you'd prefer she came home, or stayed in a b&b or something. I don't think that would be unreasonable.

partyguinness · 25-03-2009 03:17PM

Hard to say..you are right to be uncomfortable with this...

Sure it may be innocent but still its very borderline..does she see anything inappropriate with this?

Only you know your wife but you must chat to her...the coming out of the closest story doesnt convince me...too convenient...

pab_lowe · 25-03-2009 03:22PM

What was the 'thing that you put behind you'? Does it bear any relation to what your suspicions are now?

the_dark_side · 25-03-2009 03:22PM

she hasnt expressed any problems with this arrangement, but was slightly covert about it, in that when she mentioned next weeks arrangement, it was as if she was timing her moment to tell me

the_dark_side · 25-03-2009 03:23PM

pab_lowe wrote: »

What was the 'thing that you put behind you'? Does it bear any relation to what your suspicions are now?

yes

helimachoptor · 25-03-2009 03:24PM

Her job is an hour away???
Thats pretty much down the road, she should be coming home.

Is there anyone else you can ask about this guys sexual preference?

You could offer to pick her up?

Sounds fishy...

Vegeta · 25-03-2009 03:26PM

Tell her out straight how you feel. Talk about it with her.

Just tell her you're willing to collect her or something so she doesn't have to drive home herself. Pay for a taxi etc

Tell her the truth (its making you uncomfortable) and be willing to help bring her home

partyguinness · 25-03-2009 03:27PM

It is very suspicious and personally, I dont buy it.

Its only an hour away and she would rather spend the night with another guy rather than come home to her husband...

Mate follow your instincts...they are rarely wrong...not to mention a track record...

the_dark_side · 25-03-2009 03:28PM

appartenty very few people, if any know that he has come out, I was thinking of making discrete enquiries. Its hard to offer topick her up as she drives herself to and from. Its an hour and 15 minutes there abouts...

Dizzyblonde · 25-03-2009 03:34PM

I think that regardless of the fact that he's probably gay and nothing's going on, it all still sounds quite fishy really. Something's not right if your wife is being secretive - could she be using this guy as a cover?

partyguinness · 25-03-2009 03:34PM

Yes you defo should make enquries...

Or maybe the next time she stays over you surprise them with a visit at his house and see exactly what the arrangments are sleeping wise..(bottle of wine etc in hand on the pretense of a social call)..seriously..as primative as this sounds you need to mark your territiory very clearly

As the old saying.."Keep your friends close but your enemies closer"

stifz · 25-03-2009 03:36PM

wHY DOES SHE NEED TO STAY OVER IF ITS AN HOURS DRIVE AWAY:o?

Dravokivich · 25-03-2009 03:36PM

Would you not be able to arrange picking up the car later the next afternoon after the night out?

Worked in a few hard to get to places with public transport, but there was always a bus home at the end of the night, except for that, the guys that drove usually got picked up from their OH's and wasn't too odd to see that. they'd arrange to go back to the office at some stage over the weekend to pick up the car.

davej · 25-03-2009 03:37PM

Would your wife mind you staying overnight with a woman if you told her "it's ok, she's a lesbian" ?

the_dark_side · 25-03-2009 03:38PM

by the way, I am also invited to stay over next week

star-pants · 25-03-2009 03:38PM

Agreed - I wouldn't be comfortable, gay or not, she's staying over quite often.
And you said she's not being overly open about it either, which totally raises suspicion.

Not saying anythings going on, but I would be curious. Perhaps see if you can call out and have dinner one of the nights she's staying over. Or surprise her with a hotel night or something (collecting her from gaymans house). See how that goes. That way you might get an insight to the arrangements.

EDIT - just saw your last post- ok go and stay over and see what you can suss from it.

ManOfMystery · 25-03-2009 03:39PM

What is the 'late event' that's on? Can you make discreet enquiries to find out if it's for real?

Amy33 · 25-03-2009 03:39PM

How do u even know she is staying at this guy's house? If she's not coming home she could be staying anywhere.

Gone Drinking · 25-03-2009 03:42PM

the_dark_side wrote: »

by the way, I am also invited to stay over next week

Stay over then, and when your wife heads to the jacks make a move on your man. If he goes for it, you know your birds safe!

rondog · 25-03-2009 03:42PM

the_dark_side wrote: »

by the way, I am also invited to stay over next week

id stay over TBH and see if you can suss out whether theres anything between them,a partner should be able to sense if theres chemistry between their OH or anything going on by seeing together

the_dark_side · 25-03-2009 03:42PM

Gone Drinking wrote: »

Stay over then, and when your wife heads to the jacks make a move on your man. If he goes for it, you know your birds safe!

lol!

partyguinness · 25-03-2009 03:42PM

the_dark_side wrote: »

by the way, I am also invited to stay over next week

Thats is a significant fact you omitted....call their bluff and stay over.

Beruthiel · 25-03-2009 03:43PM

the_dark_side wrote: »

What is everyone's take on this?

Do you trust your wife?

bobbbb · 25-03-2009 03:44PM

A mate of mine asked if he could say he was staying with me every now and again. Wanted to cheat on his wife (also a good mate).

I said no. He now stays regularly at another mates house - cheating.

the_dark_side · 25-03-2009 03:44PM

partyguinness wrote: »

Thats is a significant fact you omitted....

yes, I suppose, but part of me thinks that it could be calling my bluff, an invite to keep me from being sus... once Im invited, Im happy enough, and wont act on it

Zamboni · 25-03-2009 03:46PM

Staying over in some randomers house to see if he is a poof and to satisfy yourself that your missus is not playing away from home?
What is this? A bad american sitcom?

Seriously.
Tell her this is unacceptable behaviour based on her past performance and the miserable short drive home.
It's a ****e reason love now sort it out.

ManOfMystery · 25-03-2009 03:47PM

the_dark_side wrote: »

yes, I suppose, but part of me thinks that it could be calling my bluff, an invite to keep me from being sus... once Im invited, Im happy enough, and wont act on it

It sounds like a bluff. She doesn't want to do the hour's drive home, but is happy to ask you to come there - then whats the point? She may as well just come home.

If I was you I would say no now, then a few hours beforehand ring her and say you've changed your mind and are going to come down. See if she sounds a bit flustered or frustrated in her response.

bobbbb · 25-03-2009 03:48PM

the_dark_side wrote: »

yes, I suppose, but part of me thinks that it could be calling my bluff, an invite to keep me from being sus... once Im invited, Im happy enough, and wont act on it

No normal person puts their other half in the position she is putting you in without something fishy going on.
If anything is going on you wont find out after you've been invited. What about the nights you're not invited.

Wake up man.

Wife's friend at work

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