Time doesn't heal

LegacyUser · 24-03-2009 12:19AM #1

im not really looking for advice here as there isnt really any solution to my problem. i just need to get it off my chest.
i saw an ex the other day in the park. i was out playing with my kids and she was with hers. she was/is the love of my life, my best friend and breaking up with her was the worst experience of my life.
every night i go to bed i fall asleep trying to figure out why she so suddenly and completely stopped loving me and and every morning when i wake up she is the first thing on my mind. i really never stop thinking about her and what i would like to say to her.
i should consifer myself lucky as i have a wonderful wife that really loves me. i am a brilliant father to my kids who i love completely and also a good husband to my wife but have always held back emotionally.
my wife thinks that i am not a romantic type of person as ive never been able to do romantic stuff/ gestures for her because of my feelings for this other person who she knows nothing about.
all the major decisions in our relationship were initiated by my wife with me just going along. moving in together,getting married,kids.
all these wonderful milestones in life were lessened for me by the absence of this other person. i know its not fair but i just cant help my feelings.
the other day , im sure she recognized me but we blanked each other just like after we broke up. i longed to go over to her and let her see my children and for me to see hers but couldnt as i know she hates me and would not want any contact. it breaks my heart but i know that we will never again have any kind of relationship.
my dream is that some time before we die, we will be able to be friends. actually, id be happy with a wave and a smile from across a park. its been 20 years since we were together but seems like yesterday.

aare · 24-03-2009 01:41AM

Let me say this in the gentlest possible way my friend, but, cop yourself on...

It stands out like neon to me that what you have, very probably, done for years is to take the first blow and then hold on to it as a defence against a second blow...

Time to face the fact that, after all this time, the second blow is probably never going to fall...your wife loves the parts of yourself you aren't to afraid to give her, now stop hiding in old scar tissue and give her a chance to love the rest...

I think it is time...

Good luck...

I envy you.

Nervous Wreck · 24-03-2009 02:33AM

^^Solid advice.

Only thing I'd add is that, although your feelings may not have changed in the last 20 years, the person that she is surely has.

Bottle_of_Smoke · 24-03-2009 03:45AM

Shes not going to be the person from 20 years ago, nor is she going to be the person you've dreamed of her becoming.

If being friends is possible it might give you some closure, but you say she hates you so, I'd just leave it.

Henry Ford III · 24-03-2009 10:38AM

Go to another park, and have a little more thought for your wife.

Ann22 · 24-03-2009 05:41PM

I read a letter in a magazine a few years ago written in by a woman..it was about how she'd had a great husband but throughout their marriage they'd tried for years to have children but couldn't. By the time she'd accepted that it would never happen her husband sadly passed away. She was writing in as a warning to others, to not spend your lives hankering after something that may never be. Stop, look around you and appreciate what you have. She says that instead of watching the calendar and trying to conceive month after month for years she should've been enjoying the relationship her and her lovely husband had, they could've travelled and enjoyed each other more. It was as if he was just a presence in her life as she strove to produce a child, very sad letter, poor woman.
Don't make a similar mistake..one day you could wake up and realise (like Dorothy Gale did:)) that your heart's desire was in your own back yard the whole time and you couldn't see it.

SarahMc · 24-03-2009 11:55PM

I feel so sorry for your wife

You are obviously deeply dissatisfied with your life, and unwilling to look at what is wrong or to look inward.

I do not believe for one minute you are still in love with this woman, but clearly she represents something to you that is absent from your life.

PK2008 · 25-03-2009 12:00AM

Why does your ex hate you?

Time doesn't heal

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