Beeropedia

My Brothers,

I come to you this evening worried about the future of man. While scanning through some threads over the last month or so I have noticed an alarming rise in metro related activities. From "Joe The Salad Munching Pork Shunning Plumber", The laser hair removal thread to Dusty87 the urine swilling b*d drinker (although I'd say even the Metro wouldn't lower themselves to drinking b*d)

I know that many of the brothers are thinking the very same disparaging thoughts that have been running through my head these past few days: "If even the haven of manliness that is the BGRH forum can be tainted by such people, the human race is surely destined to merge into one hair gel loving, cocktail sipping, skirt wearing, emotionally confused, hairless hermaphrodite! But, my brothers, there is hope!

I propose a BGRH encyclopedia of knowledge (or Beeropedia for short). A fountain of manly wisdom, where the confused can come with questions and be set straight on all kinds of issues.

Drinking Issues:
Question: I've just got into this great new bar with my chums, what cocktail should I order? Hopefully I won't spill it when I'm dancing!
Answer: While many people would put you down as a lost cause, BGRH has a step by step guide to returning you to manhood:

1. Chums? CHUMS?:mad: You don't have chums, you have friends or if you want to be more effectionate (I don't recommend this in your case as your fairly far gone) "Assholes who you hang around with"
2. Order a pint. If they don't do measure of pints or above this is not the bar for you
3. Men don't dance! I blame your father, he should have explained this to you when you were a child
4. If you have to queue to get into a bar, move on it isn't worth it

Question: I like Budweiser. Is there something wrong with me?
Answer: Yes, there is something seriously wrong with you. The only guaranteed solution to your disorder is to go east and taste pure beer. My personal preference is Bavaria where they have laws about what can be classified as beer. There you will soon find out just how sick and twisted you really are

Wimmin Issues:
Question: My woman (catch all for gf/wife etc) says I'm too hairy and should go get my chest waxed. Is this a good idea?
Answer: Wimmin are tricky and say lots of things, often to test your manliness. Pay no heed and she will love you more for it! On a side note, you may not understand this word "love". Don't worry this is a good thing as no man does. Tests have shown that it has some relationship with food & sex. The more your woman loves you the more you get.

Question:I'm in the pub drinking with my mates. My woman has just rung me to ask me where I am and when I'll be home. What should I say?
Answer: This brings up a very important rule - *Never answer a direct question posed by any woman. Remember they are tricky and it will only lead to a "talk"*
In this particular situation I would recommend hanging up your phone and then turning it off. This makes it look like your battery is dead leaving you to happily drink away deep into the night. If you need to order a Chinese at the end of the night use a friends phone. Any "repercussions" for turning off your phone are usually dealt with in the hazy part of the hangover when you don't really know what's going on.

Destination Issues:
Question:I'm lost! Maybe I should ask for directions
Answer: Your not lost. You are misplaced. If your woman is with you she will think less of you if you can't reach your destination alone. You have an innate sense of direction built into yourself, trust yourself and you will eventually find destination. If your woman suggests stopping and asking for directions, she is merely testing you. Remember they are tricky!

Question: I'm going to a wedding today and I'm planning and get hammered on some good beer. It's a lovely sunny day, should I wear my black suit or should I wear my white linen suit?
Answer:What are you doing with a white suit!!?:eek: All your suits should be in two colours - grey & black. If you want to be flash get some fancy coloured lining. I would have recommended a grey suit but if you don't have one wear the black.

General Issues:
Question: What's a mauve?
Answer: I have no idea! My guess would be some kind of animal


What say you?