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On a darker note.

  • 08-03-2009 11:25PM
    #1
    trout
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,980 ✭✭✭


    Brothers & wimmins. Disturbing news. I has it.

    There lurks among us one who shuns the pork. Not for religous or cultural reasons I hasten to add, but for dark and sinister reasons that I simply cannot comprehend.

    I have no words to adorn this tale, so I will simply tell it ... and ask for yore advice.

    What I am about to relate is what I saw, with my own eyes, and in the company of stout Brothers who will confirm my story.

    A brother of long standing, ordered a lump of pork.
    Many other brothers also ordered lumps of pork, for such is their way.
    The pork duly arrived, steaming gently on great big efficient German plates.
    After 10 seconds of staring in beatific and pure, reverent drooling awe ... all the brothers began to tuck in.

    All bar one brother ... who sniffed at the pork, like a dog sniffs at an empty crisp packet. This brother ... oh ... it hurts to type this ... this brother then shunned the pork.

    He spurned the pork. He denied the pork. He sent it back :eek::eek::eek:

    That's right ... He returned the pork to the kitchen from whence it came, untouched, undevoured, unloved and forelorn.

    He then asked for some dessert. Apple strudel as I recall.

    Brothers & wimmin ... I am struck dumb. Horrendufied no less.

    What are we to do ?


«1

Comments

  • #2
    The_M
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 102 ✭✭The_M


    Certainly this has resulted in a rent in the fabric that holds space-time together (I tried for contimuoum there but you see my problem)! A proper cleansing is needed isn't it?

    By that I refer of course to an unstinting stint of gorging on gorgeous pork!


  • #3
    orestes
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,972 ✭✭✭orestes


    Name and shame Brother Trout, the offending party should be forced to wear the scarlet letter for their sin!


  • #4
    Nerin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,523 ✭✭✭✭Nerin


    Shoot him. Its too late,and this disease might spread.


  • #5
    Nerin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,523 ✭✭✭✭Nerin


    No! NO! Not...not Tom!


  • #6
    trout
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,980 ✭✭✭trout


    I think the disease has been contained, localised even, in this one sinner.

    As I gazed about the table tonight, I saw brothers with the meat sweats, brothers crying tears of pure joy, and brothers literally scouring their plates ... this gives me great comfort. I even saw one brother, a new recruit no less, fall into a meat coma, only to revive when a fresh altbier arrived in front of him. I think it was brother Hooters ... but I can't be sure.

    As for the other matter ... I think a naming and a shaming, and perhaps even a renaming is in order.

    I will consult with the Elder Brothers ... this is too serious a matter to ignore.

    I ... I ... still can't believe what I saw ... he shunned the pork. :eek:

    Of course, it was not Tom Dunne ... who despite his current nomenclaturey difficulties, has shown the ... eh ... style expected of an Elder Brother.


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  • #7
    orestes
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,972 ✭✭✭orestes


    Nerin wrote: »
    No! NO! Not...not Tom!

    No, it couldn't have been, I refuse to believe it!


  • #8
    Nerin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,523 ✭✭✭✭Nerin


    orestes wrote: »
    No, it couldn't have been, I refuse to believe it!

    Also,i think i just travelled forward in time. Uh oh.


  • #9
    orestes
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,972 ✭✭✭orestes


    trout wrote: »
    I ... I ... still can't believe what I saw ... he shunned the pork. :eek:

    There there Brother Trout, it's ok, at times like this it's understandable for even a Brother to feel the need to cry.

    To feel the need to, not to actually do so of course, leave that kind of nonsense to the wimmins


  • #10
    Tom Dunne
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 23,202 ✭✭✭✭Tom Dunne


    Brothers and wimmins, rest assured this nefarious deed has been duly noted and will not go unpunished.

    To the disbelievers amongst you who thought it may in fact have been me who shunned the pork, I am dissappointed. While I have had many things going on in the past few weeks, when presented with pork over this weekend, I did what every good Brother would do and devoured it accordingly.

    Having said that, I may not be doing that again in the near future.

    Anyway, what makes this sorry episode so troubling, is that the perpetrator has been the subject of a similar incident last year. Except he did not shun a particular foodstuff, he ravaged it. What makes it even more heinous is that it wasn't a meat product he ravaged, it was salad.

    Rest assured there will be repercussions.


  • #11
    Zaph
    Registered Users, Subscribers, Registered Users 2 Posts: 47,411 ✭✭✭✭Zaph


    Brother trout, it has been pointed out to me by one of the fine wimmins who accompanied the pigrimage that for others to fully appreciate the gravity of the situation, the pics or there was no pork rule should be invoked. Those who did not witness this heinous act will not fully understand how much this Brother has strayed from the path of righteousness without photographic evidence of his crime.


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  • #12
    trout
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,980 ✭✭✭trout


    A Dog Named Boo wrote: »
    ...Rest assured there will be repercussions.

    Oh yes there will.

    *dun dun dunnnnnne*


  • #13
    orestes
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,972 ✭✭✭orestes


    I knew you wouldn't betray the ways of the Brotherhood Brother Tom, my faith in you always remained strong.
    A Dog Named Boo wrote: »
    Anyway, what makes this sorry episode so troubling, is that the perpetrator has been the subject of a similar incident last year. Except he did not shun a particular foodstuff, he ravaged it. What makes it even more heinous is that it wasn't a meat product he ravaged, it was salad.

    Oh dear, next you're going to tell us he was wearing pink at the time of his transgression!


  • #14
    Tom Dunne
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 23,202 ✭✭✭✭Tom Dunne


    orestes wrote: »
    Oh dear, next you're going to tell us he was wearing pink at the time of his transgression!

    To be honest, I can't be sure, such was my dismay.

    This saga, Porkgate, may shake the Brotherhood to the very core. It was not a pretty sight.


  • #15
    trout
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,980 ✭✭✭trout


    Zaph wrote: »
    Brother trout, it has been pointed out to me by one of the fine wimmins who accompanied the pigrimage that for others to fully appreciate the gravity of the situation, the pics or there was no pork rule should be invoked. Those who did not witness this heinous act will not fully understand how much this Brother has strayed from the path of righteousness without photographic evidence of his crime.

    A fair point, with sound logic and well made.

    There will be pics ... as soon as I can degrease my iPhone


  • #16
    minidazzler
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,650 ✭✭✭✭minidazzler


    trout wrote: »
    A fair point, with sound logic and well made.

    There will be pics ... as soon as I can degrease my iPhone

    An Iphone, Brother Trout, I mean not to throw wild accusations around, but is that not very "metro" of you?


  • #17
    Gaspode
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,067 ✭✭✭Gaspode


    rabbi-weiss-002.jpg


  • #18
    justsomebloke
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,406 ✭✭✭✭justsomebloke


    trout wrote: »
    That's right ... He returned the pork to the kitchen from whence it came, untouched, undevoured, unloved and forelorn.

    SCREW YOU HIPPIE

    damn it I was still sick and I did eat 2 sides of the port it's just when I got to side 3 that I couldn't finish it off. hey in the previous 3 weeks I have managed to only eat one full meal due to being sick


  • #19
    Mr.Applepie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,079 ✭✭✭Mr.Applepie


    Joe the Santa wrote: »
    damn it I was still sick and I did eat 2 sides of the port it's just when I got to side 3 that I couldn't finish it off. hey in the previous 3 weeks I have managed to only eat one full meal due to being sick

    You didn't eat pork for 3 whole weeks?:eek: Did you ever consider that might be the reason you were so sick?


  • #20
    LostinBlanch
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,907 ✭✭✭LostinBlanch


    Joe the Santa wrote: »

    damn it I was still sick and I did eat 2 sides of the port it's just when I got to side 3 that I couldn't finish it off. hey in the previous 3 weeks I have managed to only eat one full meal due to being sick

    You sure you're not telling pokie pies? :D


  • #21
    trout
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,980 ✭✭✭trout


    minidazzler wrote: »
    An Iphone, Brother Trout, I mean not to throw wild accusations around, but is that not very "metro" of you?

    Not when you hack it for use as a spirit level / light sabre / scientific calculator / portable Mr T soundbites / edited highlights of The Dark Knight and also an MP3 player.

    Plus ... it's a pretty good phone.


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  • #22
    Mr.Applepie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,079 ✭✭✭Mr.Applepie


    trout wrote: »
    Not when you hack it for use as a spirit level / light sabre / scientific calculator / portable Mr T soundbites / edited highlights of The Dark Knight and also an MP3 player.

    Plus ... it's a pretty good phone.

    What about the drunktionary?
    http://www.installerapps.com/2008/11/11/drunktionary/


  • #23
    Tom Dunne
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 23,202 ✭✭✭✭Tom Dunne


    trout wrote: »
    Not when you hack it for use as a spirit level / light sabre / scientific calculator / portable Mr T soundbites / edited highlights of The Dark Knight and also an MP3 player.

    Plus ... it's a pretty good phone.
    Mr.Applepie wrote: »
    What about the drunktionary?
    http://www.installerapps.com/2008/11/11/drunktionary/

    Take it to the iPhone forum.

    /shameless plug


  • #24
    orestes
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,972 ✭✭✭orestes


    Joe the Santa wrote: »

    SCREW YOU HIPPIE

    I don't think you're in a position to call anyone a hippy here, you pork-passing salad muncher, for shame!


  • #25
    justsomebloke
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,406 ✭✭✭✭justsomebloke


    orestes wrote: »
    I don't think you're in a position to call anyone a hippy here, you pork-passing salad muncher, for shame!

    actually that is also something that Trout seems to have over looked, which is the amount of brothers that were eating salad when we went to a stake house for dinner. Now even I shunned this practice but no to my shock :eek::eek::eek::eek: (for effect) many of the brothers sat there happily munching away on salad. I have to say they were dark times


  • #26
    Tom Dunne
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 23,202 ✭✭✭✭Tom Dunne


    Joe the Santa wrote: »
    actually that is also something that Trout seems to have over looked, which is the amount of brothers that were eating salad when we went to a stake house for dinner. Now even I shunned this practice but no to my shock :eek::eek::eek::eek: (for effect) many of the brothers sat there happily munching away on salad. I have to say they were dark times

    Interesting development. And a very serious allegation. You have my attention.

    Do you have:

    (a) credible witnesses
    (b) photographic evidence
    (c) any tangible proof


  • #27
    trout
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,980 ✭✭✭trout


    Joe the Santa wrote: »
    actually that is also something that Trout seems to have over looked, which is the amount of brothers that were eating salad when we went to a stake house for dinner. Now even I shunned this practice but no to my shock :eek::eek::eek::eek: (for effect) many of the brothers sat there happily munching away on salad. I have to say they were dark times

    This is a classic attempt at misdirection.

    My own pork munching credentials are, quite simply, beyond reproach, and if further proof is required, before and after pictures are available.

    And you can talk about eating salads ? Well ... I suppose you are supremely well qualified.

    tut tut tut :(


  • #28
    Zaph
    Registered Users, Subscribers, Registered Users 2 Posts: 47,411 ✭✭✭✭Zaph


    Joe the Santa wrote: »
    actually that is also something that Trout seems to have over looked, which is the amount of brothers that were eating salad when we went to a stake house for dinner. Now even I shunned this practice but no to my shock :eek::eek::eek::eek: (for effect) many of the brothers sat there happily munching away on salad. I have to say they were dark times

    I think you'll find that at the other table there was salad avoidance on a truly world-class scale. Even when salad type items of "food" were placed in from of the brethren, whether they wanted them or not, they stood firm and handed them back to the disapproving waiter untouched.


  • #29
    trout
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,980 ✭✭✭trout


    Point of order - I submit to you all that the issue at hand is one of pork-shunning.

    Any attempts by the party in question to deflect the issue or to muddy the waters should be seen for what they are ... desperate attempts to clutch at straws.

    I propose a motion: Once this pork-shunning matter has been summarily dealt with - any interested parties who are still brothers in good standing are more than welcome to to table motions vis-a-vis the carefree and willful ingestion of that green stuff which food eats (I believe it is known as vegetables).

    The accidental omnivorous ingestion of green things is at worst, a misdemeanour.
    Pork-shunning is a different matter altogether, and far more heinous.

    Hand on heart - I can assert that NO salads were eaten in the place of pork and beer. None, that is to say, nil, nada, niente, zip and zero. I defy anyone there present to assert otherwise.

    What say you ?


  • #30
    Tom Dunne
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 23,202 ✭✭✭✭Tom Dunne


    trout wrote: »
    What say you ?

    Aye.


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  • #31
    orestes
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,972 ✭✭✭orestes


    trout wrote: »
    What say you ?

    Aye


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