I'm overweight...?

LegacyUser · 25-02-2009 08:44PM #1

I'm 5ft 4, and 15 stone - 3 to 4 stone overweight. A size 18.

I used to be a regular at a gym and lost some weight, but due to an extremely distressing situation I couldn't go for a while and the weight came back on again.

I've started back at the gym now, and can only make it in once a week. I'm also introducing changes to my diet gradually. Haven't noticed any weight loss yet but hopefully soon. Having said all this I am happy - I know some women who are a good size (maybe a 12 or 14) and they are miserable with their weight.

I would describe myself as a happy, easygoing person with a good sense of humour and a positive outlook on life. Dress sense would be casual on a day to day basis but cand dress up for any nights out that I have (usually nice jeans and a fancy top).

My question for men is would you find an overweight woman attractive. And would you admire her for trying to do something positive about her weight.

Reason I ask is that I recently joined up to an online dating site. And just wondering should I delete my profile until I lose weight.

I had an argurment recently and my sister hurled fat abuse at me and its getting to me.

A question for the ladies: Are spanx pants any good.

Thanks

Nevyn · 25-02-2009 09:01PM

What on earth are spanx pants ?

CathyMoran · 25-02-2009 09:04PM

I tried spanx on the day of my wedding but had to take them off a minute later, they were too uncomfortable even though I am only a size 8-10...the regular ones that you get in Marks etc are not that bad but otherwise avoid. I think that it is better to dress to flatter your figure rather than try and squeeze it all in. Good luck with the weight loss.

Edit: Spanx are a brand of control pants etc...

ChewChew · 25-02-2009 09:04PM

Thaedydal wrote: »

What on earth are spanx pants ?

those sucky inny knickers that hole all your bits and bobs in place

LegacyUser · 25-02-2009 09:05PM

spanx pants are special underwear that suckin in all yer wobbly bits and gives you a slimmer sillouhette. OP, i havent used them but I heard they are very good, just make sure you get good quality ones and proper fitting ones.

Gauge · 25-02-2009 09:05PM

I find spanx good. Not as uncomfortable as you'd expect them to be and they do a great job of flattening the stomach. The only time I won't wear them is if I'm going for a big meal- they don't make post-meal bloat a comfortable experience!

pseudonym1 · 25-02-2009 09:13PM

Spanx pants rock - great for a smoother more flattering sillhouette. It gets rid of those extra couple of cm!

Some people so look differently at people overweight. I would say use this as practice time and wait until you feel and look great. Then have your pick!

Refreshing to hear your outlook I agree so many people are grossly unhappy and think world and life revolves around their weight. You are taking positive realistic steps.

Nevyn · 25-02-2009 09:15PM

oh right bridget jones big pants what my granny called her 'roll on' also known as control pants/knickers. I gather that is just a new brand name for them these days.

The thing is they may give you some confidence and 'control' your shape but well you are
going to have to take them off at some stage of the proceedings.

Mr. Frost · 25-02-2009 09:15PM

Getting back on topic!

You probably need to find time to work out more than once a week, 3 times minumum. And by the sounds of it maybe you're diet should change dramatically if you can't find anymore time to go (it probably should anyway). I'm no expert but if you check the fitness forums I'm sure people there can help you better in that regard.

No I wouldn't bother changing your profile until you lose weight. Why not upload new pictures from time to time with a 'better looking' you instead? It'd be good for your confidence and might push you to your goal.

As far finding the larger lady attractive, personally I don't, but a lot guys do or some just wouldn't mind. Everyone's different.

Best of luck.

Mmmm_Lemony · 25-02-2009 09:18PM

Unreg.for.this wrote: »

My question for men is would you find an overweight woman attractive. And would you admire her for trying to do something positive about her weight.

As a man I will tell you this, women of all shapes and sizes can be atttractive, obviously the perfect 10 is the perfect 10 for a reason... Yes I would admire someon trying to do something about it, as long as they were actually doing something about it... The odd can of diet coke isn't trying...

PurpleBerry · 25-02-2009 09:55PM

Mmmm_Lemony wrote: »

obviously the perfect 10 is the perfect 10 for a reason...

Does "perfect 10" not come from 10 out of 10 - a perfect score?

OP, different men will find different women attractive. Don't forget that this is about you aswell, you don't want to find a partner who will simply "tolerate" you. Wouldn't you prefer to be with a man who thought "Fair play if you want to lose weight I'll support that but its the whole package that I'm interested in" rather than one who thinks "I do like you but I'm not really very attracted to you at your current size. Let's talk after you've lost a few more pounds"?

Lose weight if you want, look for a man if you want. But keep the two seperate.

LegacyUser · 25-02-2009 10:31PM

While you are working on losing the weight...

Wear clothes that flatter you the most. Wear clothes that are the size you are now, not the size you'd like to be. Too tight clothing makes even slim people look bad. On the other hand, don't buy clothes that are just huge, shapeless or like muumuus...Not flattering either...It's worth spending time and a little money to get a few outfits that flatter you and give you confidence.

Monochomatic is always a good look when you are trying to look slimmer. Avoid busy patterns.

In addition to your gym workouts can you try to add other excercise to your daily routine? Walk places instead of taking the bus..or get off one stop earlier...take the stairs...every bit counts. I lost a few stone when I moved to a new area where there was less public transportation and I had to walk more.

Spanx are good but make sure you buy the correct size or you will be miserable. Also, it would be worth going for a professional bra fitting...Having a great fitting bra makes a big difference.

estar · 25-02-2009 10:38PM

if you cant get out - then why dont you buy a CD and do it at night - a little gentle aerobics and yoga will keep you feeling focused and positive and help the diet motivation.

i would say that you should always present and love yourself as you are whatever size. look at couples walking down the street. how many people do you see your size walking around in couples. i would say you see many.

the question is that you would prefer to be a fitter size for your height. so focus on that, and reflect that in how you present yourself on the dating site and see how you get on. you can only be yourself!

you already seem to be sensible and down to earth about your weight, and any sensible man would prefer someone grounded who loves life and is a size 16 than someone who doesnt love themselves and is a smaller size.

the question is not clothes size, its fitness. its health. its well being. those are your goals. 30 minutes exercise a day and a healthy diet.

Mmmm_Lemony · 25-02-2009 10:45PM

Neesa wrote: »

Does "perfect 10" not come from 10 out of 10 - a perfect score?

Probably, but I was talking in terms of the magazine and the shape and size of the women in it...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perfect_10

estar wrote: »

if you cant get out - then why dont you buy a CD and do it at night - a little gentle aerobics and yoga will keep you feeling focused and positive and help the diet motivation.

i would say that you should always present and love yourself as you are whatever size. look at couples walking down the street. how many people do you see your size walking around in couples. i would say you see many.

the question is that you would prefer to be a fitter size for your height. so focus on that, and reflect that in how you present yourself on the dating site and see how you get on. you can only be yourself!

you already seem to be sensible and down to earth about your weight, and any sensible man would prefer someone grounded who loves life and is a size 16 than someone who doesnt love themselves and is a smaller size.

the question is not clothes size, its fitness. its health. its well being. those are your goals. 30 minutes exercise a day and a healthy diet.

I agree, I think if you feel healthy, and to yourself look healthy, thats the most important thing, but for your health and life longevity, I would suggest you and everyone, regardless of shape or sizeto adopt a healthy balanced diet and good exercise regime...

MagicMarker · 25-02-2009 10:46PM

I would highly, HIGHLY, doubt that you can only get to the gym once a week.

All I'll say is be honest in your profile, some men won't care, some men will, but if you're misleading in your description then you'll only have yourself to blame when you never hear from (certain) men after the first date.

LegacyUser · 25-02-2009 11:43PM

Hi OP! Wow, sounds like I wrote that first part of your post! Practically same stats as me! I tried online dating myself as I felt it was easier to draw fellas into my personality and let looks take a backseat, and it worked! Going out with a great guy for the last few months because of it! Regards the weight issue, some fellas won't find you attractive, some will. Same as if you had blonde hair or red hair or black hair. We all have things that we fancy more about another person than others - hence why everyone doesn't fancy each other! Whilst it's doubtful that you can only visit the gym once a week, you can do things other evenings that can make up for it. Get your ipod and off you go for a walk for a half an hour 2/3 times a week! Rope a friend into it if it makes it easier. Arrange a particular evening to go and stick to it as a proper regime. Some people don't realise how hard it is to get into healthy eating habits and actually lose the weight. It's easy to look from the outside and speculate, but [and I speak for myself] it seems food is an addiction, similar to the way cigarettes are. I love the tastes of food [particularly those that are bad for me unfortunately]and find it hard to deny myself them. However it is important that you incorporate a healthy diet and combine that with your exercise efforts. I allow myself a purple snack, or perhaps a packet of Skips! Choose your treat and allow yourself that. I'm hardly one to speak at the moment as I've not been sticking to my plans lately but will try for Lent!

Best of luck. Would definitely give the internet thing a try. But don't fall into the trap of liking someone purely for the fact they like you. I too felt flattered by some of the guys but if you don't find them interesting, then it's pointless.

Aprilsunshine · 27-02-2009 01:29AM

If your wight bothers you and you dislike the gym try weight watchers?

Weight comes off slow and steady and they are very supportive.
Just a thought.

Adelante · 27-02-2009 01:54AM

Hi Op,

What is the purpose of going to the gym for you?What are you saying to yourself, I want to move towards losing weight or I want to move away from being overweight, there both in the same direction... away from where and whom you want to be.How hard is that, its pretty damn hard right?? Its like standing at the base of tall mountain and expecting to scale it in an hour and be on a diet too at the same time, good luck with that is what i'd say, if you were saying to yourself, I want to move toward a healthier lifestyle, where I feel great about me, I'm confident, bubbly, sexy,Ive more energy,more lust for life,and my milkshake brings all the boys back :rolleyes: how does that sound, hell I'd buy ticket for that show!!

I would look at that "distressing siuation" you spoke of and see whats going on there, get resolution on it.

barbiegirl · 27-02-2009 11:17AM

Op come join us on in the Ladies Lounge Moral support for losing weight thread, we're keeping each other going there, and no judgements, it's hard work and anyone who says it's not has never had to lose it :-)
Also do join weight watchers it is great and in a year you could see all that weight gone, imagine this time next year looking forward to your hoildays and the lovely clothes you can wear, not hiding in your sarong.
I met my hubbie at my current weight and he fell in love with me, a curvy size 14, I put on about a stone maybe stone and a half, and he still loved me, I'm back where I was and guess what he still loves me. I'll keep going to get back into size 12's my ideal clothes size, and he'll just keep on loving me. Men are attracted to all shapes and sizes, and once it's love he should love you through it all, though a good partner will always try and keep you healthy, essentially so you're around longer to love.

AARRRGH · 27-02-2009 11:25AM

Unreg.for.this wrote: »

My question for men is would you find an overweight woman attractive.

No, I do not find overweight women attractive, unless they have a really, really pretty face.

I would think most men think like me.

(Obviously I'm not talking about a just few lbs overweight, so don't attack me.)

Unreg.for.this wrote: »

And would you admire her for trying to do something positive about her weight.

Absolutely. There is nothing more unattractive than an overweight girl who blames her genetics or some nonsense as she continues to munch on cake and chips.

I would have a lot of respect and time for an overweight girl who is going to the gym and trying to improve her diet.

tbh · 27-02-2009 11:32AM

AARRRGH wrote: »

No, I do not find overweight women attractive, unless they have a really, really pretty face.

for me it's pretty much the same, although I will never fancy a woman who keeps going on about how tall/short/fat/thin/whatever she is.

paperclip2 · 27-02-2009 11:51AM

Hi Op,

You will lose weight faster through an improved diet than through exercise alone so it is worth cutting back on junk. After a couple of weeks on a sensible eating plan you will see results but its amazing just how much good work can be undone with a few small slip-ups of the Mars-bar kind!

The gym will improve your overall shape and fitness especially weights which are really good for toning (or so I'm told.

) You will also have more energy and your inclination to get to the gym will improve the more you exercise.

You say you dont have time to go to the gym, I know what thats like. A full-time job, OH working looong hours, a teenager and toddler does somewhat reduce my leisure hours.

I started going to the gym in my lunch-hour and working harder over a shorter period of time. Maybe you could try that?

Oh, and to attempt an answer to your question, some guys will fancy you and some won't. But you will feel better and make more progress if you make these sort of changes for you and not because of what other people might, or might not think.

Best of luck with it all.

AARRRGH · 27-02-2009 11:57AM

paperclip2 wrote: »

You will lose weight faster through an improved diet than through exercise alone

Yeah, it is a lot easier to not eat cake then it is to run for six hours burning off its calories...

cantdecide · 27-02-2009 12:21PM

Contrary to popular belief, I, like a lot of guys, definitely prefer fuller figures but there is a definite threshold between healthy and obese, IMO. You will probably gain attractiveness with every kg you lose so don't try to have set targets. Be happy that you are always moving forward and thinner is a perfectly good target too.

Don't underestimate the power of regular walking. It will knock the weight off you.

Handsome Bob · 27-02-2009 12:23PM

Unreg.for.this wrote: »

I used to be a regular at a gym and lost some weight, but due to an extremely distressing situation I couldn't go for a while and the weight came back on again.

I feel for you there man, there's nothing worse than making progress and then having it derailed by external factors you can't control. I commend you for having the mental strength to get 'back on the wagon' so to speak.

I've started back at the gym now, and can only make it in once a week. I'm also introducing changes to my diet gradually. Haven't noticed any weight loss yet but hopefully soon. Having said all this I am happy - I know some women who are a good size (maybe a 12 or 14) and they are miserable with their weight.

It's always a start. Maybe you could dedicate your weekend to the gym? I know it's a drag to be not only working out at the weekend but also being as good as gold in regards to dieting but I hate to be a cliche, no pain no gain chief.

I would describe myself as a happy, easygoing person with a good sense of humour and a positive outlook on life. Dress sense would be casual on a day to day basis but cand dress up for any nights out that I have (usually nice jeans and a fancy top).

Being happy in your own skin is always a good thing. Once more, being happy within yourself is probably the most solid foundation to begin losing weight on.

My question for men is would you find an overweight woman attractive. And would you admire her for trying to do something positive about her weight.

It's difficult to say as not only would I have to make a general sweeping statement, but also I'd be bit of bare faced twat to judge someone over their weight since I was at one time very overweight.

On a case-by-case basis it would be possible, that's all I can say really. And yep, of course I'd admire anyone for losing weight.

Reason I ask is that I recently joined up to an online dating site. And just wondering should I delete my profile until I lose weight.

From personal experience of losing weight I'd be uncomfortable using an online dating site until I reached my weight target. But that's just me because in order to use something like a dating website I'd to be very confident in myself. If I wasn't it would have a knock on affect on my personality.

I had an argurment recently and my sister hurled fat abuse at me and its getting to me.

Your sister sounds charming. Again from personal experience nothing worse than bringing someone's weight into an argument, especially if it is unrelated to the argument. It's the ultimate of low blows for an overweight person and frankly your sister should be ashamed as I'm sure she'd be well aware of how to hit a raw nerve in you. It's so demeaning.

Chin up and be positive OP, you can do it, all you need is the will and the determination to do it for yourself, and not for anyone else.

27-02-2009 01:29PM

Unreg.for.this wrote: »

I'm 5ft 4, and 15 stone - 3 to 4 stone overweight. A size 18.

I used to be a regular at a gym and lost some weight, but due to an extremely distressing situation I couldn't go for a while and the weight came back on again.

I've started back at the gym now, and can only make it in once a week. I'm also introducing changes to my diet gradually.

My question for men is would you find an overweight woman attractive. And would you admire her for trying to do something positive about her weight.

gradual changes to your diet and can only make gym once a week?

yes i admire a girl for trying something positive about her weight.. but to be honest, you're not doing anything special whatsoever.

i'm a guy with a 30" waist and have started gym 2-3 times a week and changed my diet drastically to counter a small christmas beer belly. I've given up currys, supermacs, sweets, white bread and snacking, joined a gym and stick to a schedule.

Why can you only goto the gym once a week and why the "gradual" change in diet?

shellyboo · 27-02-2009 04:29PM

Deleted User wrote: »

i'm a guy with a 30" waist and have started gym 2-3 times a week and changed my diet drastically to counter a small christmas beer belly. I've given up currys, supermacs, sweets, white bread and snacking, joined a gym and stick to a schedule.

Why can you only goto the gym once a week and why the "gradual" change in diet?

Because the OP is making a life change and not just trying to get rid of a 'small beer belly' acquired over Xmas.

She's tyring to lose weight healthily, in a way that's maintainable for her. Please don't discourage her from being sensible about it - crash diets do not work long-term for people who are genuinely overweight and not just trying to shift a few lbs.

ladiee24 · 27-02-2009 04:35PM

hey op

firstly well done on starting to do something about your weight! i'd defo recommend weight watchers & if you check out the Diet & Nutrition Forum over in Rec you'll so you're not alone at all! i personally have lost 32.5 pounds so far with weight watchers & that's been with minimal exercise just walking a coulpe of times a week.

please ignore the cries of horror from other posters who aren't too sensitive to weight & the horrible feelings that do come from & with it. you & you alone can do this for yourself you just have to be ready for the journey! whatever you choose to do i wish you the best of luck with it!

MagicMarker · 27-02-2009 05:16PM

shellyboo wrote: »

Because the OP is making a life change and not just trying to get rid of a 'small beer belly' acquired over Xmas.

She's tyring to lose weight healthily, in a way that's maintainable for her. Please don't discourage her from being sensible about it - crash diets do not work long-term for people who are genuinely overweight and not just trying to shift a few lbs.

To be fair, I don't think he was suggesting ''crash diets''.

Darthhoob · 27-02-2009 06:08PM

no he wasn't but a life change can take time...not through a news years resolution sadly. one thing i'd say is always go for lighter margarines (flora extra light for example) dont use whole milk, use semi or even better skimmed. use half fat cheeses and above all drink alot more water....water is SOOOOOO underated. you also dont NEED to go to a gym to exercise. you can do stretches, step aerobics, hula hooping (lol..but it does work!) walk more often and go up and down the stairs more often than you need to. i'm overweight too and trying to do this and i am seeing results. i've lost 7lbs in 3 weeks...a HEALTHY loss. doing something big about your weight does work ofc but i find if you make too many high targets you break them easier.

i would also say that there are alot of emn out there who either LOVE the fuller figure..or dont give a rats arse when they get to know the person. fat can come and go (and boy does it lol) but arseholeness(or indeed loveliness) will always stay

LegacyUser · 27-02-2009 07:25PM

Deleted User wrote: »

I've given up currys, supermacs, sweets, white bread and snacking...

Why give up all that if it's just a small beer belly? Just give up the beer. /shrugs

I'm overweight...?

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