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Fluctuating mind

  • 29-01-2009 12:39PM
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi all.
    I have been thinking about asking my long term gf to marry me. But the problem is that my mind is constantly fluctuating. When I go to purchase the ring I immediately get second thoughts.
    Thoughts like, "this is it, no more going back" "forever in an institution" So I put it off for another week and so on.
    Then I start to think, "well if I'm feeling this way then maybe I don't love her".
    Is there such a love that doesn't make people think this way. What is love?
    OMG Im so confused.
    One minute I want to get married the next I dont.


Comments

  • #2
    MagicMarker
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 32,865 ✭✭✭✭MagicMarker


    How old are you both?
    How long are you together?
    Do you live together?
    Any kids?

    I'd say it's a normal reaction tbh. But a ring isn't a marriage, it's just a ring. Why not propose and suggest a long engagement to get used to the idea?


  • #3
    Miss Fluff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    Very simplistic I know but why don't you write down a list of pros and cons? Writing stuff down can be cathartic.

    Start with the simple stuff, as in why do you actually want to marry her in the first place. Feeling that you "should" isn't a good enough reason. Have you discussed getting married?


  • #4
    jessbeth
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 273 ✭✭jessbeth


    I don't think that there is such a thing as that tv love or the love that you read about in those stupid romance novels. I think realistic love is never totally unconditional, we are only human after all so I would say that it is only human to think cautiously about marriage as it is a big step. I would suggest that you wait a little longer. If things are fine now and everything is going well then there is no need to get married just for the sake of it. You don't need to ever get married if you didn't want to, it doesn't mean you love each other any less.
    I would define love as fierce friendship with trust, honesty, fun, good sex and the occasional butterflies. For me it's somebody who is your bestfriend and who you can really talk to about everything. It's also someone who you want to make love and like being around.
    It's not the sort of mad passion that you see in the movies etc. I think that's unrealistic for the most part.
    You'd end up in hospital with a cardiac arrest after a few years if the constant excitment that you experience at the start of a romance stayed with you but it's important that a little excitment stays. Know what I mean? :)


  • #5
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    I agree with Miss Fluff.

    A work colleague remarked about her brother and said he shouldnt get married as there was nothing in it for him.

    I wouldnt have thought of it that way but her basic instinct was to look at the financials and what was to be gained or would they be happy "financially". Guys think with their *****

    BTW why the urgency and who has put marriage on the aghenda or do you feel you just ought to.


  • #6
    Redpunto
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,024 ✭✭✭Redpunto


    There is no way you should propose unless if feels completely right and by the sounds of it you're not feeling that now. Its not fair on you and definately not fair on her - could you imagine if you went through with it and she found out that you had been changing your mind constantly.

    Asking someone to marry you shouldn't be such a turmoil.


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