Wedding Guest Lists

LoanShark · 09-09-2008 12:45AM #1

Planning to get married in Spring 2010, The Venue we want can hold a max of 200 heads, We did a rough list and we got 230 and that is only family and friends..

Both her parents are from large families and my parents are from medium sized families between aunts uncles and 1 cousin from each= 140
She comes from a family of 7 kids + Parents= 9
I come from a family of 4 kids + Parent=5
if you add a partner to each of the 10 kids that= 20+Parents (3)= 23
+6 Nieces/Nephews= 29
+50 friends
+12 Good family friends on both sides

How do we get 230 into 200?

bensoneb · 09-09-2008 08:01AM

Hi,

You'll find that not everyone will be able to make your wedding so it might just be possible. Just in case, are there any other venues you could look at as an alternative?

seamus · 09-09-2008 08:55AM

Above all, the list is where you'll get the most grief. For some reason, everyone else seems to think that they have some right to dictate who can and can't go to your wedding.

First and foremost, if budget is your primary reason for keeping numbers down, then this makes it far easier to cut people out. People understand when a couple say, "We can't afford it", rather than, "The venue only fits 200 people".

There are a number of things you can do:

Decide if you would be happy with another venue. This is the obvious solution, but good venues are difficult to decide on.
Eliminate any "+1's" from the list. If someone doesn't have a partner now, then you have no reason to believe that they will have a partner by the time they get married. Family don't need to bring a "+1" - they already know everyone there! If someone does get into a serious relationship between now and then, you can deal with that later.
Consider only inviting Aunts and Uncles, without their children. If you can cite budget concerns, that's fairest. It's also much easier if the children are under 18 (they're probably not that interested), a little more difficult if the children are older.

Mary42 · 09-09-2008 08:55AM

Hi

If both her parents are from large families and there are a lot of aunts & uncles do you need to ask cousins? I'm sure there are a lot of large families where cousins do not get asked and would probably understand. Also do good family friends (I assume you mean parents friends) absolutely need to be asked? I know you would like to ask them but if they are good friends surely they would they understand - again ask them to the reception?

My cousin is getting married this year and is in a similar situation. She and her fiance have 42 people in their immediate families (ie parents, siblings brothers and sisters in law and nieces and nephews). My cousin has 6 siblings 4 of whom are married so thats ten and then 8 nieces and nephews and also my aunt (my cousin's dad is dead) so she has 18 in her own family. I haven't been invited which I have no problem with as I understand they are trying to keep costs down. My parents are being asked but my the couple are keeping it to aunts & uncles (also my cousin has only 3 aunts and uncles her side and that includes spouses).

Clareman · 09-09-2008 09:48AM

I'm getting married next year and we are already having this problem, what we are doing is.....

No cousins and no one under 18 (get's rid of nieces and nephews)
We are making out the list of who we want there, then we are making a list of who has to be there (aunt, uncles, etc. etc.), we are taking this number and taking it from the total (say we have 180 and the place takes 200) and halving it, that's the number of invites each set of parents have then.
Also, explain to your friends about how tight space is, if they are single they will be delighted not to have the pressure of having to get a date.

I've been given 2 pieces of advice in regards to the wedding day that I am using, 1 is If they matter they won't mind, if they mind they don't matter (the other is that it's the bride's day so I've to just keep my mouth shut and get her whatever she wants)

kismet80 · 09-09-2008 10:05AM

Why not ask the nieces and nephews and cousins to the afters only,
that way they still get to come but without crowding out your venue??
Or is it 200 day and evening?

BroomBurner · 09-09-2008 12:55PM

I don't mean this to sound overly negative, but you'll prob only get bout 200 anyway after inviting 230. Usually, between 10 and 20% of those invited won't go.

The suggestion of cutting out +1's was a good one. Also, maybe invite the heads of households of the families you're not close to.

daisychain · 11-09-2008 07:08PM

What if you want to leave out the cousins but some of them are also friends of yours?
My dad has is from a family of 14, so I have about 40 cousins on that side alone, most of whom have partners. I would know some of them well and others I wouldn't know them if I saw them. There are some cousins I would want at the ceremony all day, but others who an afters invite would do. So if my dads sister has 5 (adult) children, 2 of whom I would know quite well and 1 of whom is a childhood friend of my OH, is it rude to ask the 3 we know well to the full wedding day and ask only their sisters to the afters.

A lot of the advice I'm getting is along the lines of "invite everyone, you'll get the money back anyway" but I'm thinking perhaps some people we don't know well mightn't want to go to the wedding anyway, but would feel rude turning down an invitation. My dad says he'd "rather get a summons than a wedding invitation"

shane b · 02-10-2008 05:25PM

Hi
I got married last month and thought we would have too many people. We only went as far as first cousins which meant we excluded a lot of cousins with children under 18. Cruel bit necessary. We had invited about 285 and final numbers were 175. As we checked our numbers we realised a few families droped out(8 people, parents, 3 children + 3 partners) also a lot of single people came on their own or partners came to the evening part.
The function room we booked could seat 300 and the hotel done a great job filling out the room to make it look like it was just big enough.
So dont worry about being 30 or 40 people over

Birdsong · 02-10-2008 07:25PM

I am single, and if i got an invite for a plus one, I still would go on my own. There is nothing worse than been invited "as a friend" to the wedding of somebody you don't know.
A lot of people don't mind afters, less hassle re having to get hair, clothes etc, and is often a good night out, so you may be able to demote some cousins.

hunnymonster · 02-10-2008 09:46PM

birdsong, It just goes to show that it takes all sorts. When I was single I generally didn't go to weddings where I was invited on my own. IMO, it's horrible sitting one your own. At least with the "and guest" I could bring a mate to have a laugh with. Even at family weddings where I knew lots of people, I'm not a fan of solo invites.

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