Too young to get married?

cat_d · 29-08-2008 10:51PM #1

hi all! im 24 in a few wks and getting married august2009. since getting engaged in feb i have come across a few people who have told me staight out that im too young to be getting married. i am the youngest person i know to be getting married but i dont see anything wrong with my age. my fiance will be 26 when we marry next yr. His mother was the first to say we were too young which got on my nerves a little, it was the first thing she told us once we announced our engagement instead of congratulating us! we are not running into things and have been talking about marriage for over 2 years. we are going out 4 years. sorry that this post is all over the place im just ranting.

but what do you think is too young to get married? and is there an age when you are too old to be married?

cat x

A_m_y · 29-08-2008 10:54PM

Hi cat!

I was at a wedding on Tuesday where the bride was 21 and the groom was 22, they'd been engaged for 3 years and came up against a lot of those 'you're too young to know what you want' kinda people!

I say once you understand what your getting into and take it as seriously as it deserves to be then go for it. When ya know, ya know!

greatgoal · 29-08-2008 11:02PM

:Di committed a mortal sin in 1977,my girlfriend became pregnant,now we have 4 grown up kids 2 grandkids,we own our home,and we both have decent jobs,30 years married next month and still young enough to really enjoy life..dont knock it... by the way,im 49 and the boss is 48

earmuff · 31-08-2008 10:14AM

If it's any help my mum and dad got married just before she turned 21 and they are still together nearly 50 years later!

No such thing as too young as long as it feels right.

Theboinkmaster · 31-08-2008 12:50PM

I think you're far too young - what's the rush?!

Why not enjoy eachother for a few more years and wait....

Very silly IMHO

shapez · 31-08-2008 04:28PM

IMHO I also think it's a young age to be getting married. In your 20's you enjoy things in life, ie, travelling, partying, etc. I know you can enjoy them after your married too. But, when I was in my 20's I dated loads of girls and went all over the world with some of them. Yes, marriage was mentoned too. But, it just didn't feel right at the time.

I wish you the best of luck though.

ck66 · 01-09-2008 09:51AM

Hey,

This is a topic close to my heart. I am 25 and i am getting married in August 2009 also. I will be just 26 and my fiance will be 26. I think age is just a figure and there is nothing more upsetting to hear people telling you 'your silly' or 'really your only 25 and getting married'? I have received similar responses from people and have simply told them when i get maried i will be with my fiance 10 years and i know it is the right decision. We are in the process of closing a deal on our house and i feel everything is happening just like i dreamt.

Do not let other people upset you or question your decision to marry your fiance at a young age. You are the only person who knows and understands if it is the best thing for you and ignore other people. My parents were slightly concerned also when i got engaged 1 and a half years ago but soon came around when they saw how happy i was and are now paying for my wedding. I swear i think my mum is the one getting married.

Enjoy the next year hun as it is going to fly around and enjoy every minute of it. Dont be concerned about your age or let people worry you with their uselss hurtful comments. We only live once and if you feel you are making the best decision go for it, hold your head high and have a ball!!!

Xx Ck Xx

evs · 01-09-2008 10:00AM

I really think only you and your fiance can decide whether or not you're too young to get married. Only the two of you completely know and understand your relationship and whether or not you're both ready for marriage. I'm 32 now and was due to get married at 26/27. At the time I was ready for it, it just turned out it was the wrong guy. I've never looked back and know 100% that I made the right decision, but it was never anything to do with my age but my choice of partner.

Balmark · 01-09-2008 10:01AM

Feck that ..
If ye both want to .. who's to say not to

Only thing you might want to discuss is what ye want to do in the next 5 years .. like do you want to go to australia for a year, if so, will he? I know a few friends who got married around 25/26 and they're prob the happiest couples I know of. Great parents etc.

Mums will be overprotective of their sons anyhow :P

I'm gettin married in 4 months, and tbh, I wish I met her years ago, so much wasted time :P

iguana · 01-09-2008 11:35AM

There is no such thing as too young to get married, you marry the person you love when the time is right for you both. Age plays no part in it. All of the people who are saying they would not have been ready at your age, just didn't meet the right person. What would be foolish is letting the right person slip away because of fears that you are too young.

If it makes you feel any better when we told my in-laws we were getting married my m-i-l went into the kitchen, came out holding a bread knife and said, "but what about the mortgage?"

We still don't know what she meant. She had the bread knife because she was making toasties.

tomcollins97 · 03-09-2008 12:13PM

cat_d wrote: »

hi all! im 24 in a few wks and getting married august2009. since getting engaged in feb i have come across a few people who have told me staight out that im too young to be getting married. i am the youngest person i know to be getting married but i dont see anything wrong with my age. my fiance will be 26 when we marry next yr. His mother was the first to say we were too young which got on my nerves a little, it was the first thing she told us once we announced our engagement instead of congratulating us! we are not running into things and have been talking about marriage for over 2 years. we are going out 4 years. sorry that this post is all over the place im just ranting.

but what do you think is too young to get married? and is there an age when you are too old to be married?

cat x

Hi Cat,

Have you been living together for long?

my initial thought is not the gae as such, but if you are 24 & have been dating for 4 years that is quite young to start such a serious relationship. Maybe try to live a bit more life first to make sure that the decision was right. I think that if you were sure of what you were about to do you would not have put up this most - and I mean that in the nicest possible way.

good luck,
Tom

seamus · 03-09-2008 12:22PM

There are possibly a couple of things at play here;

Do your parents like your boyfriend? Or do they see him as just a nice guy but not the guy that they thought you'd spend the rest of your life with?

Alternatively, they might be in the old mindset of marraige = babies. I can't see the problem with people getting married to the person they're going to spend the rest of their lives with anyway. Marriage doesn't confer any additional responsibilities on you, nor does it prevent you "enjoying life". However, babies do. They tie you down and prevent you being freer with your life. But children are just a different kind of "enjoying life". It may be that your Mum is worried that you're planning to have kids straight away. If this isn't the case, then maybe lay it on the line for her.

It may also be a "I wish I could have done that" attitude. I see many parents now who see how much more liberal the world is then it was when they were 20 and dream about how they would have lived their lives so differently. Many I've heard even say that they would never have bothered marrying and would just have had kids when they were ready. So perhaps your Mum feels like this and doesn't want you to regret having gotten married at 26.

In any case, simply talking to her will allay any concerns that she or you have about it.

Dfens · 04-09-2008 11:07PM

evs wrote: »

I really think only you and your fiance can decide whether or not you're too young to get married. Only the two of you completely know and understand your relationship and whether or not you're both ready for marriage. I'm 32 now and was due to get married at 26/27. At the time I was ready for it, it just turned out it was the wrong guy. I've never looked back and know 100% that I made the right decision, but it was never anything to do with my age but my choice of partner.

Good on you for taking control of your life, must have taken guts at the time

BroomBurner · 05-09-2008 10:17AM

I think everyone knows themselves when they are at the right age to get married and if they have found the right person. On top of that knowing, you have to have a lot of hope in your relationahip aswell, seeing as nothing is ever set in concrete.

If both of you are on the same wavelength with regards to what yous want to do in the future, and/or are open to being flexible to suit each others needs, then age shouldn't come in to it.

Emerald Lass · 05-09-2008 10:40AM

BroomBurner wrote: »

If both of you are on the same wavelength with regards to what yous want to do in the future, and/or are open to being flexible to suit each others needs, then age shouldn't come in to it.

I totally agree. Its not so much the age being a factor, but that you are both have the same aims and goals for the future and have both experienced life.

24 is quite young if you have led a sheltered life. Then again, if you have travelled, lived a bit, had some life experiences then your 24 years might be more mature than a 35 year old who's lived at home with mammy all his life!

I have a friend who married at 19 - she is now only 21. Her decision to get married has meant that she did not go to university as planned. Her husband is from a very different background to her, and they now live abroad in his home country. They are trying to build a business and are basically living the lives of 40 year olds! I am sorry to say I don't see a long term future for them - she is incredibly bright and should be feeding her brain in uni, going out, having fun - not being a housewife whose main responsibility is to provide for her husband.

She married only for love, which is a lovely thought, but a lifelong marriage is built on more than love - it needs both people to have experienced enough of life to be ready for it and they need the same mindset towards the future.

If you are certain that you and your partner are on the same page regards the future and what you want from life, and if both of you are content that you have experienced enough as 'single' people then there is no reason not to marry.

congratulations and best wishes for your future.

eveie · 05-09-2008 11:50AM

hey OP
my brother is 23 his fiance is the same and their getting married in a few weeks, ive heard alot of people say their too young which really gets to me, i know that their were made for eachother, their so good together, they compliment eachother. marraige doesnt mean your life is over, your just beginging a new chapter with someone you love. forget what people say as long as you and your fiance are happy thats what matters.
best wishes

lostinnappies · 05-09-2008 12:42PM

married at the age of 22, now married for 8+years, now have 3 year old and a 10month old. Happiest ive ever been, imho when you find your soulmate ... you know you're ment to be together till you are old and wrinkley then go for it. If you have doubts over your partner (not your age) then you could always hold off, but dont let others preconceptions put doubts into your head.

CathyMoran · 06-09-2008 12:10PM

Met my husband when I was 23 and he proposed when we were just 24, did not marry him until we were 32 and that is my biggest regret, I say that you should go for it if you love each other. I never think that it is too old to get married - my grandmother married for a second time in her mid 80´s!

shoelaceface · 06-09-2008 12:27PM

sure you'l be nearly 25 getting married!

meh... can i come?

Mind Hunter 85 · 09-09-2008 05:50AM

Met my husband at 18 and got married at 21 (i was a month away from 22)
i'm now 23 we had our first wedding anniversary in may and we couldnt be happier ,for us it didnt change much as we were already living together for years .
Its so annoying to me there is no such thing as too old or too young its all about finding the right person knowing you want to be with them i hate this idea of you need 5,6,7years+ to 'know' its the right person i really don't think you do .
after a couple of years living with someone you know them pretty much inside out.
i'm a big believer in living together before marriage ,circumstances happened that we moved in together pretty much from the start ,maybe i would have felt differently if we hadn't lived together for long.

wada · 09-09-2008 05:22PM

i met my husband of 1 week 10 years and 9 months ago when i was seventeen we have been together for that lenth and have 3 kids age 9,3 and 1 and a half.

you dont need luck, hope you enjoy the big day my 1.5 year old covered my wedding dress in chocolate during the meal. cried my eyes up, but it was a day we waited for for a very long time.

also my brother got married at 23 and his wife was 21 that was 11 years ago

Mary42 · 09-09-2008 09:18PM

My cousin and her husband got married in their early 20s and ( I think they were about 24-25). That was over 20 years ago and they are still together and one of the happiest coupes I know. However another another cousin got married at the same age and they have since split up but were together for about 15-20 years so really it depends on the couple

purpleash · 15-09-2008 03:05PM

Thats a load of crap i reckon. How does age make any difference? Im 24 in nov and im getting married in 2010, ill be 25. Ive been with my fiance almost 6 years. Ive had the same response but dont mind them theyre just small minded ignorant people!

Seoid · 15-09-2008 08:23PM

I'm convinced that it totally depends on the person.

For a lot of people 25 is too young to get married. But a lot of people could and do get married younger and it's perfect...
In my experience, people who insist that anyone is too young to get married are usually arguing that they themselves would have been too young at that age.. A lot of people do need to do a lot of messing around in their 20s. Or maybe they wished they didn't marry so young themselves.

If anyone is mature enough and lucky enough to find the right person then why should you have to wait until you're in your late 20s or 30s?
I do think though that if you're young then a long engagement is usually a good idea.... about a year and a half will do me!

(I do agree with others who've already said that you need to make sure you're on the same wavelength, future speaking!)

Climate Expert · 15-09-2008 09:29PM

Its rubbish. you are a perfect age. Ignore this modern obsession with getting married older.
Sure you or your partner will be near infertile in a handful of years.

Seoid · 17-09-2008 10:49AM

Sure, 24 used to be old spinster territory!
For much of human history women married in their teens - in all of Jane Austen's books the perfect age to marry seems to be 19 or 20...
And Shakespeare's Juliet was being married off by her parents even if she didn't marry Romeo and she was not yet 14....

Climate Expert · 17-09-2008 10:50AM

Met my husband when I was 23 and he proposed when we were just 24, did not marry him until we were 32 and that is my biggest regret

Why would you regret that?
You were still with the man all that time so what difference would it have made?

Numbercruncher · 18-09-2008 09:02PM

I'll be 28 when I get married next year but will be with my partner 11 yrs then. We've lived together for 5 years. We could have easily married years ago but we both felt there was no need to rush or do it for the sake of it. We got our home and back on our feet financially and now feel the time is right to do it. Had he asked me 3 or 4 years ago to Marry him, it would of course been a yes and sometimes back then I often thought thats what I wanted but looking back now I am so glad we hung on a few more years as we are both more mature and can appreciate it properly.
But if you feel the time is right for you then don't listen to anyone else and do what you want to do. Mothers are very funny with their sons, my own MIL2B isn't exactly jumping up and down with excitement either!! :rolleyes:
Hope everything works out for you.

CathyMoran · 19-09-2008 06:15AM

Climate Expert wrote: »

Why would you regret that?
You were still with the man all that time so what difference would it have made?

But I was not

I do also think that marriage makes a difference (for the better) in a relationship.

In terms of the OP - I think that if you feel it is the right time to get married then you should.

AnCatDubh · 19-09-2008 07:38AM

24? sounds like your getting old to me. I woudn't wait much longer

best wishes for the special day.

ash_18x · 23-09-2008 07:00AM

as most of the posters have said age is only a number, my parents got married when my mam was 17, they are married 27 years this year and have never been happier. I myself got married two weeks ago at the age of 25, have been with my husband for 8 years and living together for over six of those. Its how you feel that matters, like in fairness, years ago if you werent married by 25 there was something wrong with you!
I have no regrets and lots of my friends are married too already!

Too young to get married?

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