Weekday weddings - selfish?

Nasty_Girl · 12-08-2007 08:22PM #1

Hello,

Trying to get some thoughts together on our wedding and I'm starting to lean towards a weekday, a Friday most likely.

It is mainly to do with cost, but we both have relatively small families and we will probably only have between 70 - 90 guests at the reception. I'm afraid that any venue we get for a Saturday will charge us for a minimum of 100 (or even more!) guests. I don't want to sound tight, I want to be fair to our guests, but I'm not up for throwing away money either.

So really what I'm asking is do you think it is too much to ask people to take a day off work for it? I'd do it for a friend or relative no problem but I have heard people grumble about it in the past.

Has anyone here had a weekday wedding? How did you find it?

Manaris · 13-08-2007 02:57AM

Hi,

I am getting married on Friday 31st August (i.e. in 18 days time!). We had no problem booking a Friday, and if any of our guests have a problem with it, they certainly aren't telling us! Tbh, if your guests are important enough to you that you are inviting them to your wedding, they will not mind one bit taking a day off work. This is especially true with smaller amounts of guests, where most people at the wedding tend to be close friends and family. I have been to a few weekday weddings and it was certainly never an issue for me. The only time I could see people grumbling about it is if they were asked to a wedding of somebody they didn't really know that well, but that usually only happens with larger weddings. In my experience, most people are glad of the long weekend!

Just a word of warning though - if cost is the deciding factor, all of the hotels that we considered were exactly the same rate for a Friday wedding as a Saturday - they consider Friday a weekend day. Weekday rates only apply Monday - Thursday (or in some cases Monday-Wednesday). In that case, it probably would be a little bit more problematic for people organising time off work etc, but my advice to you would be that it's your wedding day - organise it to suit you and your fiance, and let your guests worry about themselves (believe me you'll have enough worries of your own!).

As an aside - Myself and my fiancee both work on the same shift, and have often had to take two days off work to attend a Saturday wedding. Granted, we are the ones working "strange" hours, but for us that is the equivalent of going to a Wednesday wedding for people working "regular" hours, yet we never get upset about going! The flip side of that is for our wedding, our work crowd (which is quite a lot of people - we met in work and have worked together for about ten years) don't have to take any time off, as Friday is in the middle of their "weekend"!

No matter what day you choose, it will suit some guests and not suit others - the important thing is that the people who care about you will do whatever it takes to be there, regardless of what day it is on!

Nasty_Girl · 13-08-2007 09:34AM

Thanks for that,

yeah I'm thinking as we are only inviting the important people to the ceremony, we'd hope those would be the ones who'd come no matter what.

I had kinda thought it might be as expensive on a Friday but I guess I'll find out soon enough!

olaola · 13-08-2007 11:26AM

Manaris wrote:

Hi,

I am getting married on Friday 31st August (i.e. in 18 days time!).

No way! So are we! Gas..

The reason we went for a Friday was two things - we wanted to make the Wedding a weekend affair and some All Ireland matches might be on the Sat.
Saying that - we're getting a one or two people who are not coming to the ceremony, just to the meal at 5:30. I dunno how I feel about that tbh. You either come or you don't...

I wouldn't worry about it. If they are good friends they won't think twice about taking a day off for the honor of being invited to your wedding!

bill_ashmount · 13-08-2007 11:30AM

I've had a few thursday weddings, involves taking two days off. Have decided from now on not to go to anymore, eats to much into limited holidays. It shouldn't upset either party really, hopefully

BTW. I think asking people for 1 day is fine, there has to be some leeway.

Tarakiwa · 13-08-2007 11:35AM

I got married on a Friday ........ I am going to a wedding next WEDNESDAY ....... and I am going to another wedding in September on a Friday too!

I see nothing wrong with it & I see nothing wrong with making your decision based on cost!!

Your real friends will love the day off work & will love the fact that they have a FULL weekend to recover too!

Good luck with it all!

T

shapez · 13-08-2007 11:38AM

No this is not selfish!!!

It's YOUR day!! YOU decide!! And YOU have it whatever way YOU want it.

Nasty_Girl wrote:

Hello,

Trying to get some thoughts together on our wedding and I'm starting to lean towards a weekday, a Friday most likely.

It is mainly to do with cost, but we both have relatively small families and we will probably only have between 70 - 90 guests at the reception. I'm afraid that any venue we get for a Saturday will charge us for a minimum of 100 (or even more!) guests. I don't want to sound tight, I want to be fair to our guests, but I'm not up for throwing away money either.

So really what I'm asking is do you think it is too much to ask people to take a day off work for it? I'd do it for a friend or relative no problem but I have heard people grumble about it in the past.

Has anyone here had a weekday wedding? How did you find it?

Tabnabs · 13-08-2007 11:46AM

I think a Friday is fine as it only involves one day off work and the weekend to continue partying. It's the people who have weddings "down the country" i.e. miles from where they and their friends actually live, on a Wednesday and so you have to take two days off and travel back the next day with a car full of sore heads, instead of just taking a taxi home after the reception...

Nasty_Girl · 13-08-2007 11:53AM

Well actually there's a point, we will have people coming from all over the shop as we live in Dublin, I'm from Wexford and he's from Tipperary. Oh the fun we're gonna have!

13-08-2007 04:12PM

There's a great saying to remember when planning a wedding -

Those that matter don't mind, those that mind don't matter

Seriously, anyone who's going to whinge about 'having' to go to a wedding on a Friday clearly isn't that arsed about it. The people that matter to you will be there, and that's all you need.

Noelie · 14-08-2007 01:21PM

I think a Friday is fine, however i think any other weekday is a bit of bad form. after all each guest will need to travel to the wedding, get an outfit and buy a gift. then ontop of that you would be asking them to take two days off too.
Excluding the issue with minimum number there won't be any price difference between a Friday and Saturday. Atleast not in my inquiries.

My fiancee has a friend who will be getting married next year and we suspect she'll be a Mon-Thurs wedding and chances are it won't be in Dublin so that could involve taking a day off before the wedding also. I think people who arrange it for a Mon-Thurs are only trying to reduce the cost for themselves and not caring about the expense to others.

shapez · 14-08-2007 04:07PM

Something I found. Remember why Wednesday got it's name!!??

"Monday for health,
Tuesday for wealth,
Wednesday the best day of all,
Thursday for losses,
Friday for crosses,
and Saturday is no day at all."

dodgyme · 14-08-2007 04:18PM

Noelie wrote:

. I think people who arrange it for a Mon-Thurs are only trying to reduce the cost for themselves and not caring about the expense to others.

yep my mates missus was wrecking his head and asked me how to reduce the costs and I told him have it mid week to make it awkward and people wont go and the hotel will be cheaper. He was happy. We then found a cheaper hotel outside the Dublin area for him for the reception. A coupla month later I was working somewhere else and he invited me and I couldnt go. He got the serious hump on this. I was mad busy at work (worst ever) and herself was also. We couldnt afford to take a few days off also, and being outside Dublin was an added expensive for everyone since both of them were from the pale and hence if they had it near Dublin it was close to home to reduce costs.
Fact was I was right, I helped saved him the money but his mates werent there. Only one person of the group I knew turned up.
A Friday wedding is cool though.

sweetie · 15-08-2007 10:52AM

olaola wrote:

Saying that - we're getting a one or two people who are not coming to the ceremony, just to the meal at 5:30. I dunno how I feel about that tbh. You either come or you don't...

Exactly, I would tell them not to bother to be honest. My fiance and I were due to go to a wedding in Galway last weekend that got postponed due to illness and both of her other friends partners who were also going were not going to the ceremony as it was 90 minutes drive to the church and back to the reception afterwards. I thought it was incredibly selfish.

Regarding weekday weddings, sometimes it's easier to get a weekday for an earlier date. Some people don't want three year engaements!

yom 1 · 15-08-2007 11:20AM

Well I'm currently on the look out for a venue for sept next year and only 2 places have what we are looking for. One(the one we are leaning towards) only has a monday free in Sept. They have no fridays or saturdays free from april to end of Sept. The other one has a few fridays/saturdays free around that time, but the menu is nearly twice the price per person as the first. Would a Monday really be that bad for a wedding or should we pay nearly double for it just so its a weekend day.

The way I see it is its our day, up to us to decide. If we go for a monday those that matter will be there regardless of havin to take time off work, those that dont its their choice. They cant be offended cos they have been invited.

TechnoFreek · 16-08-2007 04:02PM

A Friday wedding is ok as it is only one day off work but any other midweek day generally involves taking two days off.

This is ok if it only happens once per year but for the last two years I have had to attend (or not in some cases) several weddings of equally close friends.

This eats up almost half my yearly holidays entitlements!

I now have no problems telling anyone that I will not attend their wedding if I dont have enough holidays left.

TBH All weddings seem more or less the same after a while. Unless it's family you really dont miss much!

Eoin · 23-08-2007 02:44PM

We just had a Thursday wedding (4 weeks ago today). We booked it last April or so, and would have had to wait until October / November if we had wanted a Friday or Saturday wedding. We realised it may be a pain for a lot of guests, but it was the venue we really wanted.

It was close enough to Dublin however, so most of the people could have been in bed at home at a reasonable hour if they couldn't take two days off, which several guests did.

The way we looked at it was that the people who wanted to go would find a way to make it work one way or the other, and we are most grateful to the people who did make the effort.

TechnoFreek wrote:

All weddings seem more or less the same after a while

Not to the couple who were generous to invite you in the first place. I get quite annoyed by people who seem to begrudge the fact that they have been invited to share a couple's wedding day.

harlem · 14-08-2008 11:57PM

I don't think its selfish, and if the couple are doing it to save money then why not? the big day costs a small fortune & not everyone can afford to fork out a mortgage size sum for their big day!

We're hoping to book our wedding for a Thursday in April, we're going for a weekday as we're a smallish wedding (50 for meal + 30 for afters)
Most hotels wont book a wedding for less than 100 people at the weekend.
Also, a lot of my family work in the catering trade so a weekend wedding would be more awkward for them to attend.

Finally, its our big day that we're going to put a lot of time, money and attention into to make sure its memorable and enjoyable for all our guests.
If some people can't be bothered to take the extra day or 2 holiday off work for us then I'd sooner they weren't there at all

bstar · 15-08-2008 08:46AM

hey,

we were having the same problem trying to decide if a thursday wedding was being selfish as we getting married were im from up the north it will be a pain for all our friends from dublin. but the venue we want counts friday as a weekend and has a minimum of 150 ppl for a weekend wedding. we dont wanna have to pay for an extra 50 ppl we arent inviting so ppl will just have to compromise. any one were inviting is close friends or family and id like to think they wont have a problem with it. as it will save us a fortune.

dodgyme · 15-08-2008 09:15AM

A weekday wedding (Mon-Thurs) is selfish (to some degree) since it inevitably involves ppl having to take 2 days off work instead of one, if you go with a partner it is 4 days off in total (2 days each).

Anyone I know who has had a weekday wedding did so to save money not for the benefit of the guest. Numerous people have had weekday weddings and have found that alot of people were not there. They need to realise how hard (even forgetting about having to take two day off) it might be to get time off in the first place in some companies (and I am not joking) . However hotels realise this too and cash in by making a friday a so called weekday. Hopefully the recession may remedy that to some degree. Perhaps the government should introduce legislation stopping such practices -... ya right!

bstar · 15-08-2008 09:21AM

dodgyme wrote: »

Anyone I know who has had a weekday wedding did so to save money not for the benefit of the guest. quote]

I have a question since when did a wedding become about a guest? why should the bride a groom have to spend more money just so that say 2 or 3 guests can come easier. if guests really care about the couple they will appreciate that is this day and age with the prices of weddings just being invited to share the day should be an honour not their right to chose that it should be at the weekend.

Malari · 15-08-2008 09:39AM

bstar wrote: »

dodgyme wrote: »

Anyone I know who has had a weekday wedding did so to save money not for the benefit of the guest. quote]

I have a question since when did a wedding become about a guest? why should the bride a groom have to spend more money just so that say 2 or 3 guests can come easier. if guests really care about the couple they will appreciate that is this day and age with the prices of weddings just being invited to share the day should be an honour not their right to chose that it should be at the weekend.

Yeah, I agree with this, people should please themselves and maybe immediate family and very close friends in terms of cost. However, for all guest-lists you have to admit that there are the people who would not be as close to the couple and if those guests choose not to come due to cost or holidays, then you can't complain.

I've been invited to 5 weddings this year, 3 of which I took holidays for, 1 of which I declined because of cost. I already have holidays of my own booked and I don't know what I'm going to do for the last wedding - they are not that close friends that I want to use the rest of my days off for their mid-week wedding. Some weddings have guest-lists that are carefully selected and I know for a fact others just say, well we can afford to invite 250 so let's make up the numbers.

BroomBurner · 15-08-2008 10:18AM

bstar wrote: »

dodgyme wrote: »

Anyone I know who has had a weekday wedding did so to save money not for the benefit of the guest. quote]

I have a question since when did a wedding become about a guest? why should the bride a groom have to spend more money just so that say 2 or 3 guests can come easier. if guests really care about the couple they will appreciate that is this day and age with the prices of weddings just being invited to share the day should be an honour not their right to chose that it should be at the weekend.

100% agree. The couple are not meant to be thinking of tailoring their day to every single other persons demands, that is just ludricous.

I don't think it is selfish to have it on a weekday. I'm sure there are no couples that actually say to themselves "let's have it on a weekday to force people to miss work". People have their weddings on weekdays both for the cheaper price, and also the availability. Some people don't want to wait years before getting married.
We're having our celebration on a Sunday, but this can only work if you are getting married a couple of days beforehand and don't want to combine the marriage with the big celebration.

dodgyme · 15-08-2008 10:28AM

bstar wrote: »

I have a question since when did a wedding become about a guest? .

If you dont want guests, dont invite any????????

bstar wrote: »

if guests really care about the couple they will appreciate that is this day .

this works both ways? or dont invite any guests.

Fact about it is a Monday-Thurs wedding is designed to save the couple holidays if they work shift and money on the hotel even if they dont. Their guests then have to take 2 days each off to go apart from possibly coupla mates from work who may work shift. That is selfish.

As I said my friend wanted to save money on the wedding and reduce the guests able to come. I told him have it on weekday and look for a spot outside dublin. He wanted to suit himself and his pocket. So we went to work and found a hotel outside dublin which was alot cheaper and had the wedding on thursday. Call it selfish or call it suiting himself but that is what we did. His working guests would now have to travel, pay for a hotel, take 2 days off work because he wanted to reduce costs and guests - What is that , a generous host???

Then after that ...I was unable to go (work pressures). He was really annoyed coz people werent making the effort?. (I think it is wanting it both ways?). Others started to pull out and really he didnt have half the numbers he thought would come. However what did he expect. He asked me to come up with a way to save money and reduce the guest. Unfortunately for him the retired uncles were all their but flip all of his own real mates. Oh sorry they werent real mates if they were there - ya sure. He made things awkward for them in terms of cost, accomodation, time, effort and holidays!!!! which was the plan if I remember because it saved him money.

If you are going to be selfish atleast be honest about it. The hotels should be honest also when they fleece people because they have their do at the weekend also

PS: BroomBurner : you quoted me wrongly BTW

BroomBurner · 15-08-2008 10:36AM

I actually quoted someone that quoted you, which was where the initial break in quote happened. What a weird thing to include in your post though.

Couple's don't have to think about the guests. That doesn't mean they can't invite them. Anyone that whinges about having to make the effort to go to someones wedding is either not married, not engaged, or has been married for such a long time that the spiralling costs and the fact that venues are booked up so far in advance for weekends are not issues

bstar · 15-08-2008 10:40AM

it was me who qouted you wrong and that was cause im still relatively new on boards so wasnt sure how to do it.

well when u get married and you have a choice between offending a few guests (and i mean a few cuase most are happy with wat the couple decide) or spending an extra 3grand on having a saturday wedding that will suit everyone see what you chose.

and im not exaggerating. i recently booked my wedding and wanted a saturday so as not to offend anyone but that really was wat the price difference would be. so i dont min offending a few ppl if it saves that much. if that makes me selfish than ok.

ciano6 · 15-08-2008 10:48AM

I was doing the (amateur) video for my girlfriends sister's wedding. Everytime they watch it now, they have a great laugh as I have an audible conversation with another guest in the background about how "a Thursday is an awful balls altogether for everyone".

dodgyme · 15-08-2008 11:26AM

BroomBurner wrote: »

Couple's don't have to think about the guests. That doesn't mean they can't invite them.

If you dont have to think about them dont invite them!

Your argument makes no sense. Couples dont have to think about the guests. .....Sorry I think considering its a wedding with guests whom the couple HAVE INVITED, who will eat food, go to the church, stay in the hotel etc,.....I think the couple has to think about them?? - great logic

dodgyme · 15-08-2008 11:30AM

bstar wrote: »

if that makes me selfish than ok.

yes it makes you selfish then - glad you agree.

Your guest will probably have to be put out much more then your 3k in all sorts of ways not just monetary.

bstar · 15-08-2008 12:04PM

dodgyme wrote: »

yes it makes you selfish then - glad you agree.
.

It might make me selfish but i think that as a guest your opinon is quite selfish. Your not even considering the fact that for a lot of people it is the only way to get the venue they want for the amount of people they want is to have it during the week.

id love to see you doing a budget for your wedding. you going to ring each guest individually and check each bit of the days suits them? when you start to plan your wedding you do want to make everyone happy but eventually something has to give.

faceman · 15-08-2008 12:13PM

The only people who the bride and groom have to accommodate for are themselves and their immediate family. Anyone who says a weekday wedding is selfish is just begrudging. After all the savings made by not having a wedding on the weekend could be the difference between you getting an invite or not.

While i do agree that going to muliple weddings in close sucession gets repetitive, if a mid week wedding doesnt suit then simply dont go or just go to the afters.

A friend of mine is getting married on Monday March 16th next year and availing of weekday rates. However the following day is paddy's day so everyone will be off anyway!

Weekday weddings - selfish?

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