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What changing name means to you.

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Comments

  • #62
    BroomBurner
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,737 ✭✭✭BroomBurner


    kizzyr wrote: »
    Obviously a name change isn't needed to assimilate if your OH has assimilated into your family without changing his name yet you feel you assimilate into his by changing your name?
    Why does a name change make you a "proper unit" in a way that a double barrel wouldn't? Or you simply keeping your own name?

    What I mean by assimilated into families, I suppose I more mean into our own family. Albeit a family of two, it's still a family to us.

    I didn't question the use of a double-barrell surname in terms of making us a proper unit, I was only using the single surname situation. I wouldn't want a double-barrell because it would sound stupid. For some names, it works, for others, it sounds ridiculous. In my case, it would be the latter. I would actually feel a bit distant if I kept my own name, I want to be Mr. and Mrs. X.

    I'm by no means a traditionalist, or even of any religion, so it's not for tradition purposes that I'm changing, it's simply that I want to be his wife and I want everyone else to know I'm his wife.


  • #63
    juliegreen
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11 ✭juliegreen


    BroomBurner wrote: »
    What I mean by assimilated into families, I suppose I more mean into our own family. Albeit a family of two, it's still a family to us.

    I didn't question the use of a double-barrell surname in terms of making us a proper unit, I was only using the single surname situation. I wouldn't want a double-barrell because it would sound stupid. For some names, it works, for others, it sounds ridiculous. In my case, it would be the latter. I would actually feel a bit distant if I kept my own name, I want to be Mr. and Mrs. X.

    I'm by no means a traditionalist, or even of any religion, so it's not for tradition purposes that I'm changing, it's simply that I want to be his wife and I want everyone else to know I'm his wife.

    But, why can't you be Mr and Mrs Your Name?


  • #64
    BroomBurner
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,737 ✭✭✭BroomBurner


    Because my surname is boring and shared by millions the world over. I'm bored with it at this stage. We did talk bout taking my name for all of a second but I'd made my mind up.

    In short, I want to change to my name, I've given several reasons for it.


  • #65
    Ms.T
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10 ✭Ms.T


    Tupins wrote: »
    Hi There,

    This post is mainly directed at women but I'd be interested in hearing from any men if you're reading.

    I got married last year and I made the decision to change my name to my husbands name. This was a personal decision and unlike most big decisions I made it myself and didn't even discuss it with my husband as I thought it was more personal to me as an individual. I have a few (what I consider very good) reasons for changing my name. (I will explain if you like but I think that's not the point for the moment.)

    Anyway, my problem is that while most people accept this without question, there are a few people (mostly women) who seem to think that it's ok for them to completely look down their noses at me for changing my name. For example, today I went to the garda station to get my passport application form stamped as my old one is out of date. The garda who was serving me was a woman in about her 40's. She was filling out a book with my name etc. I explained that I was applying for my passport in my new name and showed her my marriage cert etc. So she continued filling in her book etc and she said "So you're not keeping your own name then?". I said no and without even looking at me she just said "Silly girl", in a really derogatory way. I was really taken aback by this and was debating whether or not to say something but as she hadn't yet stamped and signed my form, and I was in a hurry, I decided against it in case there was an argument and she would refuse to complete the form.

    But really I was very shocked and annoyed by what she said. I realise that some women would choose not to change their names after marriage. I totally respect their decision and thankfully we all have a choice nowadays. But doesn't our freedom come from having that choice? Surely, pressurising someone NOT to change their name is as bad as putting pressure on them to change it. Like I say, I can understand a womans reasons for keeping her own name but even if I didn't thats their choice and they shouldn't have to justify it to anyone.

    This guard is just one example. One of my friends also got quite annoyed when I told her I was changing my name.

    I'm sure a lot of women presume that if you change your name you immediately become a 1950's housewife running around after your husband and losing all individuality and independence. I'm sorry but I think you're wrong. I certainly have not lost either my independence OR my individuality. Just because I've changed my name doesn't make me a different person, and certainly not a lesser person than if I had kept my own name.

    If you choose not to change your name then that's your choice and I'm glad that we have it but don't take away the choices of other women who don't go the same way.

    I'm getting married now pretty soon and I will keep my name but I will take my future husbands name too. I love the idea of shearing name but also want to keep mine.


  • #66
    cat_d
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7 ✭cat_d


    getting married in a year and i have brought up this topic more than once with himself. i have a 4 year old daughter from a previous relationship. She has my surname.
    we plan to have children together, so because of my 1st child i think i should keep my name as i dont want my daughter to be the only one with that surname(if you can follow) or we might name the kids with double barrel so at least my daughter doesnt feel left out.

    i keep my name he keeps his and the kids get both, what do you think?

    i also would like to keep my name as its MY name.

    must put this topic under serious thought over the next few months.


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  • #67
    Ms.T
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10 ✭Ms.T


    cat_d wrote: »
    getting married in a year and i have brought up this topic more than once with himself. i have a 4 year old daughter from a previous relationship. She has my surname.
    we plan to have children together, so because of my 1st child i think i should keep my name as i dont want my daughter to be the only one with that surname(if you can follow) or we might name the kids with double barrel so at least my daughter doesnt feel left out.

    i keep my name he keeps his and the kids get both, what do you think?

    i also would like to keep my name as its MY name.

    must put this topic under serious thought over the next few months.

    I think the best thing to do is keep your name for the moment. better to ask your daughter when she is older what she wants to do.


  • #68
    bensoneb
    Closed Accounts Posts: 177 ✭✭bensoneb


    What's the big deal about changing your name anyway? It happens to children who are adopted every day and most people see nothing wrong in that!

    Personally, I'll be changing my name and I've already posted about that. I just had a thought about other reasons for changing name and thought of the adoption issue where kids names are changed without any thought by adults. At least when we are adults, we have the choice which is very important.

    The word CHOICE is very important and I think if people are posting one way or the other, they should all be respected and not questioned as if one side is more correct than the other.


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