PUAs

Pen1987 wrote: »

Firstly, why do you think 'smooth' people are not good company? What other traits does a 'smooth' person always have to make them not good craic?

Actively avoid somebody because they are smooth/good looking... sounds pretty pessimistic to me, being honest. I'm trying to make a point but its a hard one to explain.

As I said I'm not a PUA, I think the whole idea is gas, false and slightly facetious but I do go out and talk to alot of women (and men for that matter) and some people would call me 'a player' or other insults to that effect. The fact of it is I just like having the craic, banter, a laugh and meeting randomers. If the randomers happen to be stunning brunettes with blue eyes, thats all the better but thats not the be all and end all. Now, seeing as I do talk to alot of people, alot of people talk to me. Say if a bar is full of people I dont know and within an hour I've had the craic with one half of them, the other half, who dont know me (yet) see me talking to the half I have had the craic with (subconciously maybe, dunno) and eventually end up talking to me because they realise I must be a bit of craic and worth talking to, so I've had the laugh and a bit of banter with a load of people within an hour.

Now, everybody is going to think I'm a loud, super-confident up-his-own-arse bloke (its mostly the lads with their girlfriends who think I'm trying to score their girl who think the last one) aren't they?... and the women like your friend are going to think I'm far much of a loudmouth for her. Well I'm not, I'm fairly quiet around my friends and family and ex-girlfriends have said that trying to get me chatting when we're alone is like getting water from a stone. Your friend 'actively avoiding' lads like me lumps us all in the same boat, judges certain characters on the whole before we've met individually. I suppose basically what I'm trying to say is that anyone actively avoiding another person and placing them in groups by what they perceive them to be is as foolish as the idea about the cliff-story. I might chat to forty women over the course of the night and at the start of the vast majority of these conversations I would not be contemplating getting their number/kissing them/sleeping with them, the best conversations come from these interactions when the women know (from my mannerism, body language convo topic etc) I'm not trying to shag them and are more comfortable, understandably. The sh!test awkward horrible little interactions come with the women who have placed me in a box as 'loud/brash/a player/only-after-sex/too confident for them (!)/not their type' (or the worst 'dumb'...because social and academic intelligence cant both be acheived in one person right?)... and when they place me in these boxes and think I'm actually trying to chat them up as opposed to just chat they get defensive and cold and the conversation stunts and NOBODY has ANY craic... So maybe your friend doesnt like 'loud' lads because the convos she has with them are crap due to the defensive judgemental mindset she holds when the convo begins, maybe if she opened up a bit and committed to a chat other than a chat up, which takes more confidence/nerve, and didnt predict every lads final-intentions was to have sex with her that night she might realise every guy whos chatty in a social setting isnt an arsehole whos going to mess her round in a relationship and might actually be fairly quiet and reserved outisde of the pub/club/where-ever and more her 'type' in a relationship and that every guy whos chatty in a social setting is not or might not if theyre the same as me, be trying to chat her up. I know for a fact she'd have more craic when shes out and probably end up meeting more people she likes.



No I dont think so, you'd be surprised how much encouragement some men need. I have worked with some male models who wouldnt/couldnt approach women because they didnt have the confidence. Went on a night out with a group of them, thinking we were going to be batting away stunners all night, nope, even when women approached them some of the lads would clam up and stunt the vibe and another one of us would have to get into the convo and rescue the poor fella before the awkward vale of silence delved over the pair of them. Looks dont always breed confidence, confidence breeds confidence, when a confident woman approached one of us and she started to direct the conversation the unconfident lads began to chip in a bit more, have a bit more banter with her, get more confident basically and in the end they got comfortable with her and were more prepared to have a one-on-one chat with her, she ended up going on a date with one of the lads who was super-awkward at the start of the night because her confidence and self-assurance rubbed off on him and he came out of his shell for a while. She gave him alot of encouragement... most lads need alot of encouragement, but so do most women.

GirlInterrupted wrote: »

OK, firstly its hard to disagree with most of what your saying, I take all your points, but I was speaking in very GENERAL terms. Lots of people are good company, some 'types' more often than others.

Secondly my friend is a stunning looking girl, really outstanding, I'd be very jealous if she wasn't also a very sweet person. Because of the way she looks, its MOSTLY the over-confident goal scoring type that try their luck, GENERALLY speaking. Experience makes a girl wary.

I take your point about looks not always equaling confidence, because she lacks that too. It's unfair to characterise her as cold and judgemental because of it. I'll be seeing her later btw, we'll be playing Halo 3 and having a drink. If I see anyone struggling, I'll ask her to 'rescue' him. Because that would be fair?:):)