To all the lonely people out there ....

That person probably didn't mean any harm and they're more than likely your age or younger. To a person who's older it's absolutely no big deal to have never had a relationship by 22. It's extremely young still. Anyway, what difference does your past relationship history make? Those relationships are over.

BubbleWrap85 wrote: »

I feel lonely sometimes as I don't have a boyfriend and sometimes I'm in the mindset that I need a boyfriend to be happy. Yes I'm pathetic and yes I cry myself to sleep sometimes.

Aw hun, you're only 22. I know that's no reason to not want a boyfriend but as you say yourself:

that's because of self esteem issues, nothing a boyfriend can fix either! You don't need a boyfriend or girlfriend to be happy. And again, it may sound clichéd but I really believe you can't love anyone else, or expect them to love you, until you love yourself.

Spot on. But I know it's not always easy to apply sensible advice to yourself. I'm a disaster for that. I'm able to give advice - often it's considered quite good - but not so able to practise what I preach. However that's human nature - it's far easier to give advice when you're on the outside looking in and you have objectivity and perspective. None of those apply though when it's your own head. As we've seen on the Sopranos, shrinks need shrinks . Commentary on popular television series aside though, it makes perfect sense.
I agree though. Do work on your self esteem and train yourself to believe in yourself more. That definitely draws people - potential friends and partners. Would you give counselling a go? It's seen as something which is purely for those with exceptionally severe mental illnesses or who have been through trauma, but it doesn't necessarily have to be the case. In this country we have inherited a culture of "get on with things" which is what leads to counselling being considered an extreme measure. But it's all well and good for people of older generations to just advise folk to "get on with things" when a lot of that generation "got on with things" by turning to alcohol.
There are other countries where it's considered strange to not go for counselling, even if your problems aren't that huge in the great scheme of things. Thankfully though, Ireland seems to be heading that way bit by bit. Of course you can't be relying on someone else to help you every time you've a bit of a crisis but a helping hand can only be a good thing. The important thing though, is how you use the advice given by counsellors. I've heard people saying "it didn't work" but you have to be prepared to put in some work yourself.

But anyway, you don't need to be in a relationship to be happy. You can make yourself happy - but you need to be able to believe in yourself to do that. You seem like a lovely person, you deserve happiness and eventually a great guy. Don't ever think that's not the case. There's nothing that makes you any less deserving of these things. Enjoy this time of your life being single too - it's great fun. I was single from 23 to 28 and had a blast!

Aw babes, you poor thing! Based on what you told me, you have little if any reason to feel so sad and unworthy - you're doing it to yourself! Stop punishing yourself and keep telling yourself you deserve happiness and love until you believe it. Put your past experiences aside - of course that's a valid explanation but there comes a point when we have to forget things that happened in our pasts and stop, in a way, using them as excuses/reasons for the way we are now (that is not meant harshly by the way). We have to stop letting past experiences control us and start to take control ourselves.

You're welcome. Remember: life can be damn fukking hard at times, but it can also be good - even great. Try to be positive. I used to be appallingly negative but I trained myself to embrace positivity and I'm not 100% there yet but I've made massive inroads. You can train yourself to think differently...

Best wishes

Well put OP , it's knowing the difference between being alone and being lonley .Some people adapt to their own company better than others not because they are anti social far from it, but circumstances puts them in that position . Doesnt matter who you are, what social circle or class you come from, everybody can and does expierence lonliness at some time in there life .Some of the lonliest people on the planet are to also be found amoung the rich and famous .

kind regards. x

RedXIV wrote: »

Well i'm just gonna throw out my help here then. Not sure how or who it applies to BUT anyone who's around Dublin and has the lonely blues, send me a PM and i'll bring ya out and about with a series of nice groups of people until ya find one ya like. I love meeting new people so don't be shy be ya male or female, any age, race or hair colour!

Boards.ie's very own pimp!