I'm worried I'm a pervert.

Firstly the word "pervert" means nothing without a definition of normality to define it against. Define normality a particular way, and everything else is a pervert. Define normality differently, and the definition of pervert changes accordingly.

Gay people used to be called perverts. The Roman Catholic Church used to use the word "pervert" to described Protestants prior to Vatican II (some traditionalists still do). Anyone using the word "pervert" in this way now would generally be regarded as weird (i.e., as perverts themselves).

Oral sex used to be referred to as a perversion (still illegal as such in some US states). Examples can be found forever. It's said (though disputed) that Trobrianders in Papua New Guinea would mock the missionary position favoured by white people - i.e. they were making fun of them for engaging in vanilla sex in the position most common in our society because they saw this as amusingly "perverted".

In any objective sense, the word has no meaning. You can use it as an insult, you can use it as a reclaimed insult (I will quite often cheerfully identify myself as a pervert) but in any attempt to use it as an actual meaning anything real will fail.

perverted wrote:

I'm a woman in my mid 20's, and I've only ever been able to get really turned on by sado-masochism.

It would seem that the kinks in the BDSM category are by far the most common kinks.

It would also seem that the vast majority of people enjoy some sort of kink to some extent.

So in being interested in an aspect of BDSM (specifically, in S&M) you are pretty normal.

perverted wrote:

I just don't even come close to orgasm any other way, not even through sex.

It would seem that this is slightly unusual, though it's hard to say just how many people are fantasising about something other than what is going on when they cum.

perverted wrote:

I fantasise about being treated badly in a sexual way and just the thought brings me to orgasm.

Personally, I'm damn glad my girlfriend has something in common with you. Not for everyone, but there's a lot of people out there who see that as a very appealing characteristic in someone.

The question is, what do you want to do about it?

You can keep that as something that you use mentally to enjoy sex more.

You can get in touch with the Irish BDSM community - BDSM Ireland is a good place to start, they have both a yahoo-group with an email list and organise regular munches (informal meetings in public places where there is no play).

You can go to the events run by Nimhneach (disclaimer: I am associated with this event and therefore not unbiased, though on the other hand you could say I recommend it heartily enough that I got involved with it, also I don't know of any competing events nearby to also recommend) where play is allowed at the event itself (though I strongly suggest not playing your first time).

You can just meet someone outside of the scene (I met my girl outside of the BDSM community).

You can meet people online, whether for cyber-play, discussion, or both.

Or you can decide you'll be happy enough keeping that part of yourself permanently in the realm of fantasy.

You can make it something you enjoy with someone in the bedroom, something you engage in in many aspects of your life as part of a deeper D/s lifestyle, or something you never engage in.

You can be open about it an extreme extent (I don't think there are many people around here who know me enough to recognise my nickname that don't know I'm into BDSM [especially since I had this image in my signature until I thought up the Fermat-based joke in my current sig today]) or keep it something nobody knows about but yourself.

In all you have a very large range of options in terms of how you do or do not make this part of your life open to you. The question is what do you want to do? Part of the way to answer that question is to ask yourself, just what is it exactly that is worrying you about this?

nicolo wrote:

if you want to be dominated then its just a more extreme version of "I want to be held and feel safe" ie you want your partner to be powerful

I wouldn't say this is true all the time. It's true for some. I'd certainly say that for me and my girl and big part of it is that we both enjoy that as her master I look after her and as my girl she gets looked after.

I don't think that is part of it for everyone who is into BDSM, especially the S&M parts of it (the looking after is much more part of the D/s thing, though by no means does it cleanly match it in so far as either always being in D/s or never in S&M or B&D). On the third hand what starts as directly enjoying the more physical aspects can develop to include those aspects as well if a relationship develops.

Beelzebub wrote:

At least go to your GP and possibly get a referral to a psychiatrist.

If the OP wants to see a counsellor (not sure why you'd go as far as a psychiatrist right off the bat, just because she's not happy with her kinks) I'd recommend looking via Kink-Aware Professionals rather than a GP.

Beelzebub wrote:

If it's worrying you and it obviously is, you should seek help. At least go to your GP and possibly get a referral to a psychiatrist.

No she shouldnt