RULES FOR WOMAN during the WORLD CUP!

Sm0ke · 01-06-2006 12:48AM #1

List Of Rules.

1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the
sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware
of what is going on regarding the World Cup,
And that way you will be able to join in the
conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will
be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally
ignored.
DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at
all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a
glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it
(your eye).

3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a
game, I don't mind, as long as you do it crawling on
the floor and
without distracting me. If you
Decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you
put clothes on right after because if you catch a
cold, I wont have time to take you to the doctor
Or look after you during the World Cup month.

4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute,
unless I require a refill of my drink or something to
eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to
Listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or
pick up the baby that just fell from the second
floor....it wont happen.

5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2
six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as
plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make
any Funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch
the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the
TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a
Good game that I missed during the day.

6. Please, please, please!! If you see me
upset
because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say "get
over it, its only a game", or "don't worry, they'll
win Next time". If you say these things, you will only
make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember,
you will never ever know more about football than me
And your so called "words of encouragement" will only
lead to a break up or divorce.

7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game
and you can talk to me during halftime but only when
the commercials are on, and only if the halftime
Score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am
saying "one" game, hence do not use the World Cup as a
nice cheesy excuse to "spend time together".

8. The replays of the goals are very important. I
don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them,
I want to see them again. Many times.

9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any
other child related parties
Or gatherings that require my
attendance because:
A) I will not go,

I will not go, and
C) I will not go.

10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house
on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a
flash.

11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every
night is just as important as the games themselves. Do
not even think about saying "but you have already
Seen this...why don't you change the channel to
something we can all watch??", the reply will be:
"Refer to Rule #2 of this list".

12. And finally, please save your expressions such as
"Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years". I am
immune to these words, because after this comes
The Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League,
Premier League, etc etc.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Regards,
Men of the World

u gotta love it lol

01-06-2006 12:52AM

What a laugh! Our guys in the states are the same during football play offs.

zuma · 01-06-2006 01:19AM

Blue_Lagoon wrote:

What a laugh! Our guys in the states are the same during football play offs.

Never knew the World Cup was so big in the US

01-06-2006 02:05AM

zuma wrote:

Never knew the World Cup was so big in the US

Hah! The World Cup is not big in the US. I was referring to American football, which has replaced baseball as the most attended pasttime in recent years. They have stadiums in the US that now seat well over 100,000 people, and during playoffs they are often sold out. Plus TV viewership is very high and where the big money is made. Have heard that TV advertising goes for about one-million dollars a minute during gametime. Considering that it takes about 3 hours to play a one-hour (play time) game, there's a lot of time for selling beer, SUVs, and pickups.

dubtom · 01-06-2006 06:13AM

So two hours of adds in a one hour match..... how very pleasant for you, do the players stop for these add breakes also.

Ahh, I've just realised why the world cup isn't big over in the US,2 45 minutes halves of constant playtime is too much for their players to handle, their used to stopping every 5 minutes for a 'word from our sponcer'.

padi89 · 01-06-2006 06:55AM

dubtom wrote:

So two hours of adds in a one hour match..... how very pleasant for you, do the players stop for these add breakes also.

Ahh, I've just realised why the world cup isn't big over in the US,2 45 minutes halves of constant playtime is too much for their players to handle, their used to stopping every 5 minutes for a 'word from our sponcer'.

So true.I just dont know how anyone can sit through a few hours of set pieces.American "football" How many times does the ball actually make contact with the foot?Feck all thats how many.
Im a GAA man myself and if the game is stopped for 30 seconds people go cracked!

DamoKen · 01-06-2006 07:29AM

dubtom wrote:

Ahh, I've just realised why the world cup isn't big over in the US,2 45 minutes halves of constant playtime is too much for their players to handle, their used to stopping every 5 minutes for a 'word from our sponcer'.

AFAIR in the leadup to the World Cup '94 American business interests suggested moving the game into quarters to allow for more advertising. There was also a suggestion of different "scoring zones" like in basketball as there were fears that American viewers would lose interest in the matches due to the normal scoring in soccer, of course this could all be a dream I had so don't quote me

Donegal Lass · 01-06-2006 08:02AM

any rules for the ladies who actually LIKE to watch football???:rolleyes:

DamoKen · 01-06-2006 08:09AM

Donegal Lass wrote:

any rules for the ladies who actually LIKE to watch football???:rolleyes:

just don't ask "which team are we?"

Femelade · 01-06-2006 08:10AM

Donegal Lass wrote:

any rules for the ladies who actually LIKE to watch football???:rolleyes:

exactly..that was soooo sexist man, not big into it myself, but i'm sure there are many women who are...

you must have known a thread like this would not go down too well with the ladies....<token insult i.e. you sexest pig">

Donegal Lass · 01-06-2006 08:24AM

Femmy wrote:

exactly..that was soooo sexist man, not big into it myself, but i'm sure there are many women who are...

you must have known a thread like this would not go down too well with the ladies....<token insult i.e. you sexest pig">

hee hee;)

yea iv only been a registered member a few days and iv come to notice that the threads on this forum can b quite sexist....... i take it as a laugh coz aint really got time for hardcore feminists, but if you make a joke bak, the fellas go mental and recon ya are a hardcore feminist!! cant win wit men haha:D

Donegal Lass · 01-06-2006 08:25AM

DamoKen wrote:

just don't ask "which team are we?"

funny.....................:D

thelordofcheese · 01-06-2006 08:43AM

Donegal Lass wrote:

any rules for the ladies who actually LIKE to watch football???:rolleyes:

I would imagine that the same rules would be used by women who like football. Though this leaves us with the mystery of who'd get the beer from the fridge, and put new beer in.

Prehaps some sort of trained monkey?

Kiera · 01-06-2006 08:51AM

Whats the World Cup???

Pherekydes · 01-06-2006 08:51AM

padi89 wrote:

So true.I just dont know how anyone can sit through a few hours of set pieces.American "football" How many times does the ball actually make contact with the foot?Feck all thats how many.
Im a GAA man myself and if the game is stopped for 30 seconds people go cracked!

It's called football because it's played with a football. In GAA, the ball spends equal amounts of time in the hand and air and only a small cumulative amount of time in contact with the foot. Maybe we should call it Handball or Airball. I don't think Football (American) was designed for the short attention spans we get with "traditional games". I suggest people who want to learn more about Football should direct their attention towards the American Football forum, and those who don't, leave it out.

By the way, mods, shouldn't a Soccer thread, even a joke one, be in the soccer forum, where nobody can read it?:D

Lothaar · 01-06-2006 08:57AM

padi89 wrote:

American "football" How many times does the ball actually make contact with the foot?Feck all thats how many.

Rugy Football is named so because it was invented in the town of Rugby, not because of the amount of contact betwixt ball and foot. It evolved from football (soccer).
American Football was born when rugby football was introduced to the States. The game evolved into something else, called American Football cos that's where it was invented.
The word 'football' is really just evolutionary residue.

Pherekydes · 01-06-2006 09:01AM

For Kiera, the essence of the World Cup:

Sm0ke wrote:

From 9 June to 9 July 2006
DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.
...the television is mine
I wont have time...
blind, deaf and mute,
six packs
break up
divorce.
I will not go,
I will not go, and
I will not go.

There you have it, the essence of the World Cup: An excuse for men to behave like selfish pigs.

Pherekydes · 01-06-2006 09:03AM

Lothaar wrote:

Rugy Football is named so because it was invented in the town of Rugby, not because of the amount of contact betwixt ball and foot. It evolved from football (soccer).
American Football was born when rugby football was introduced to the States. The game evolved into something else, called American Football cos that's where it was invented.
The word 'football' is really just evolutionary residue.

Better than my explanation.

Donegal Lass · 01-06-2006 09:08AM

thelordofcheese wrote:

I would imagine that the same rules would be used by women who like football. Though this leaves us with the mystery of who'd get the beer from the fridge, and put new beer in.

Prehaps some sort of trained monkey?

or if any1 has a 5 year old kid to spare for a month???????:rolleyes:

LoLth · 01-06-2006 09:13AM

Slow coach wrote:

For Kiera, the essence of the World Cup:

There you have it, the essence of the World Cup: An excuse for men to behave like selfish pigs.

whats this? we need an excuse now? Next you'll be looking for equal rights or the power to vote or some other such nonsense!!! anyway, whats a computer doing in your kitchen?

Donegal Lass · 01-06-2006 09:23AM

ooohhh...............

nasty..............

hee hee:D

Pherekydes · 01-06-2006 09:34AM

LoLth wrote:

whats this? we need an excuse now? Next you'll be looking for equal rights or the power to vote or some other such nonsense!!! anyway, whats a computer doing in your kitchen?

This may not have occurred to you, but...

I'm a man yes I am and I can't help but love you so
I'm a man yes I am and I can't help but love you so

I've got to keep my image
While I'm standing on the floor
If I drop upon my knees
It's just to keep them on my nose
You think that I'm not human
And my heart is made of stone
But I've never had no problems
'Cause my body's pretty strong

I'm a man yes I am and I can't help but love you so
I'm a man yes I am and I can't help but love you so
I'm a man yes I am and I can't help but love you so

My computer's not in my kitchen, by the way.

Now before you jump to any further conclusions, I will be watching (some) World Cup matches, but not to the exclusion of all else.

Stephen · 01-06-2006 09:35AM

Slow coach wrote:

There you have it, the essence of the World Cup: An excuse for men to behave like selfish pigs.

Boo

f**king

hoo.

Pherekydes · 01-06-2006 09:43AM

Stephen wrote:

Boo

f**king

hoo.

Great comeback. A Soccer fan, then...

Stephen · 01-06-2006 09:53AM

Absolutely not. I couldn't give a flying f**k at a rolling donut about football. I just think your inability to take this for what it is (a joke) and coming out with this 'wah wah men are selfish pigs' horse sh1te deserved a fitting response.

Donegal Lass · 01-06-2006 10:27AM

Stephen wrote:

Absolutely not. I couldn't give a flying f**k at a rolling donut about football. I just think your inability to take this for what it is (a joke) and coming out with this 'wah wah men are selfish pigs' horse sh1te deserved a fitting response.

woo man no need to get so defensive???:eek:

Nevyn · 01-06-2006 10:38AM

I like being in the kitchen that is where the knives are.

As for the world cup,

Don't assume I have an intrest,
Don't assume I want to know,
Don't assume I need to hear about any of the matches,
Don't assume I will change my mind about needing to know even if japan are going to win.
The world cup may effect your world, the one you live in but that is not my world.

Narcissus · 01-06-2006 10:49AM

Stay in the kitchen then

LoLth · 01-06-2006 10:51AM

Thaedydal wrote:

I like being in the kitchen that is where the knives are.

lol . touche (cant be arsed doing that accented e thingy but i will however take the time to type in an explaination)

Donegal Lass · 01-06-2006 10:51AM

Apapaia wrote:

Stay in the kitchen then

haha good one, nearly wet myself laughin at that!!!:D

padi89 · 01-06-2006 11:02AM

Slow coach wrote:

It's called football because it's played with a football. In GAA, the ball spends equal amounts of time in the hand and air and only a small cumulative amount of time in contact with the foot. Maybe we should call it Handball or Airball. I don't think Football (American) was designed for the short attention spans we get with "traditional games". I suggest people who want to learn more about Football should direct their attention towards the American Football forum, and those who don't, leave it out.

By the way, mods, shouldn't a Soccer thread, even a joke one, be in the soccer forum, where nobody can read it?:D

If you read my post properly you would have noticed i said the amount of times the foot comes into contact with the ball ,not the amount of times the ball is on the foot,its not glued you know.Hense the ball is kicked (with the foot)...football.If you also notice the ball is usually soloed or kicked for a score....mmmmm.
If you want, you can call it "American Handball" as we in the GAA already have a game called handball which involves hitting a ball against a wall with your hand.:D Dont get your knickers in a twist just cause i dont like it.
Eitherway its set piece after set piece after set piece,i think patience is the word more than attention span.

RULES FOR WOMAN during the WORLD CUP!

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