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Bit on the side

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Comments

  • #32
    g'em
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,819 ✭✭✭✭g'em


    Unreg bit! wrote:
    So you reckon even if he leaves her, he'll do the dirt on me? I don't think so, I think we'd be far happeir than they are.
    bless your cotton socks. oh to be that naive again...


  • #33
    savoyard
    Closed Accounts Posts: 71 ✭✭savoyard


    Why don't the two of you take a break and get back together after Christmas when he splits up with her?


  • #34
    bp
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,731 ✭✭✭bp


    oh my dear...........so he is willing to risk one of his best mates (the groom) who he grew up with, and then in turn a lot of other friends to be with you? (sorry if i am being harsh but come on!!!) if he were a half decent bloke he would step down as best man and let someone else do it and dump his girlfriend. - he is willing to tarnish the memory of the wedding day so he can get la*d by two women....a nice man that!!!!

    you seriously think that once he "dumps" the current girlfriend you two will move in together, get married, have babies and all will be well?!!! he will stop cheating and that will be it! have you seen one post yet saying that being the other woman actually worked out? No, doesnt that say something?!

    get rid, dont waste your money on a christmas present for him (where will he be christmas day - with you or her?)

    i may sound harst but this happened to a friend of mine, it doesnt work out and she was heartbroken afterwards, but at least she dumped him when she realised that she was the other woman, she didnt encourage him to cheat....how will you feel when its you in the current girlfriends shoes and he is off with someone else and she is encouraging him to cheat?


  • #35
    Maccattack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,322 ✭✭✭Maccattack


    I hope - in a way - the other girl doesnt ever find out. poor thing.


  • #36
    Beruthiel
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,361 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    Unreg bit! wrote:
    So you reckon even if he leaves her, he'll do the dirt on me? I don't think so, I think we'd be far happeir than they are.

    you must be very young to have such an innocent view.


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  • #37
    Shabadu
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,659 ✭✭✭Shabadu


    Unreg bit! wrote:
    So you reckon even if he leaves her, he'll do the dirt on me? I don't think so, I think we'd be far happeir than they are.
    /me waves

    Hello me 5 years ago!

    Yes, he will cheat on you. He *will* cheat on you. HE WILL CHEAT ON YOU!


  • #38
    cheekyass
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 122 ✭✭cheekyass


    yeh i was in the same situation for a while. it got very out of hand, not only was he guy i was with cheating on his girlfriend with me but he was cheating on me (and his proper g/f) with one of my friends. definitely not worth the hassle. chances are if hes lying to her about something hes lying to you about other things too or will in the future....run now before it goes too far!!!!


  • #39
    Zombrex
    Closed Accounts Posts: 25,848 ✭✭✭✭Zombrex


    Unreg bit! wrote:
    I think we'd be far happeir than they are.

    Why exactly?

    I genuinely understand why people, men and women, cheat because they feel trapped in a car crash of a relationship with someone .. but that normally happens after like 15 years of marriage with 2 kids and a joint morgage .. this guy seems to have no reason to cheat except he wants to his cake and to eat it .. there is no reason to believe that he won't cheat on you down the line rather than "hurt your feelings" and break up with you ...

    Ask yourself the question, if the time came would you rather this guy break up with you or cheat on you behind your back. Because I am pretty sure he could find all the same reasons to justify cheating on you as he found for cheating on his current girlfriend (she needs me, not till after the wedding etc etc).

    The very fact that you are now sitting around putting up with these BS reasons and excuses will probably give him even more encouragement. I am sure the next girl will do the exact same thing as he tells her that he can't break up with you just yet, that you need time, that you are feeling down and need his support, that he still loves you, but just as friend ... blah blah blah

    Personally if it was me I would want to know that my girlfriend would have the cuts to break up with me instead of cheating on me and stringing me along...

    God who are these men who have women falling over themselves to get into bad situations with them ... what is their secret??? :eek:


  • #40
    Kiera
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,130 ✭✭✭✭Kiera


    Look i think you answered your own question. You said you have great sex. Well there you go. Sex will do it everytime for a bloke. He's with her coz he loves her. He wont tell you he loves you coz he doesnt and you are probably only a good shag to him. Sorry but thats the impression i get from what you said! Myabe i'm wrong but i doubt it!


  • #41
    Zombrex
    Closed Accounts Posts: 25,848 ✭✭✭✭Zombrex


    Maccattack wrote:
    I hope - in a way - the other girl doesnt ever find out. poor thing.

    Me too, it would be so humiliating to find out something like that, you would feel so stupid

    I do hope the brother finds out and kicks the crap out of him though ...


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  • #42
    Kiera
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,130 ✭✭✭✭Kiera


    Wicknight wrote:

    I do hope the brother finds out and kicks the crap out of him though ...

    Yes and she deserves a slap for messing with other peoples relationships. What goes around...........


  • #43
    dudara
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 33,518 ✭✭✭✭dudara


    While I'm personally in agreement with your sentiments, there will be no advocation of violence on this thread, or indeed on this forum.

    Watch out, or bannings will follow.


  • #44
    chump
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,807 ✭✭✭chump


    Why don't you just stop seeing him.
    If he really wants you he'll fast forward his breakup and get with you.
    If he wants to get with you and he's being honest about the after-xmas thing, wait and get back together after xmas.
    If he is all talk he'll still be with her after xmas possibly having a bit on the side with someone else...

    IMO if things are so great between ye he'll fastforward the dumpage if you give him an ultimatum ... or at the very least he will carry through his after xmas promise...

    At the same time, why would you be bothered being girl number 2 in a man's life?
    That's a bit sad really :D


  • #45
    Enii
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,544 ✭✭✭Enii


    Kiera wrote:
    You said you have great sex. Well there you go. Sex will do it everytime for a bloke. He's with her coz he loves her. He wont tell you he loves you coz he doesnt and you are probably only a good shag to him.

    I think you hit the nail on the head here.


  • #46
    Suaimhneach
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,436 ✭✭✭Suaimhneach


    Unreg bit! wrote:
    Going unregged for this one folks. Here's my situation and before I get slagged off I just want to know has anyone got experience of this kind of issue, good or bad.

    I have been seeing a guy for about 2 months and what can I say he's awesome, amazing looking, great sense of humour and we get on like a house on fire. S@x life is top notch too.

    The main issue is he has a girlfriend. They've been going out since last xmas. I met him when they broke up for a month in August. When they got back together we cooled off for a week or two but eventually I asked him out again and we have been seeing each other when we can.

    His relationship is tricky, they moved back from the UK together and she depends on him alot for support as her job isn't going too well. He says he will break up with her after xmas and I believe him as he doesn't seem happy with her. He hasn't said he loves me as he says that would be unfair in his current situation but he could see it getting that far.....and he says he doesn't love his girlfriend like he did, he loves as a friend but not as a lover. He doesn't live with her or anything. (He's 25 and I'm 26 by the way)

    I'm happy with things the way they are as long as he breaks with her after xmas, i firmly believe we can build on it from then. If that doesn't happen I'm off.

    Has anyone been in a similar situation or have any advice having seen it before?

    Cheers
    I didn't read all the other replies as most of them seem bleak.

    If you both did infact meet when they were broken up then maybe its not all terrible. Xmas is over in a month. See how it goes from there, if he suddenly cant break up with her "again" then dump him. But, maybe cool off til after Xmas, I mean, he's currently sleeping with both of you.. that's not nice...

    He might actually like you and will leave his current missus. I have a friend who's fella left her for another girl, and funnily our joint best mates fella for the last year left his missus for her.

    These things happen.


  • #47
    Tomohawk
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,236 ✭✭✭Tomohawk


    Maybe both the ladies in question could share Mr.Loverman? Howsabout a threesome ehhhh!!! :)

    ...but seriously my advice on this is that I know one or two couples who have met this way. Stealing someone else's partner does happen in the real world. However when this happens most people involved make a clear choice and settle for that, amongst the rest of the emotional fallout and the losing of friends, swapping of allegiences etc. I think the OP finds herself on the cusp of this final stage.

    Take control of the situation. If you want this guy, force the issue. Then you'll know if he really wants you and or just likes "cake". Why wait, if its such a good thing? I know I wouldn't. And why not enjoy your first xmas together?

    Decision time for the man in your life.
    Listen to what he's says very, very carefully, and only then choose the lover, not the liar.


  • #48
    the_syco
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 37,308 ✭✭✭✭the_syco


    Unreg bit! wrote:
    The reason it's after xmas is because he's best man at her brother's wedding, wedding is set for Jan 9......

    Thanks for your opinions so far.
    Are ye sure HE's not the one getting wed?


  • #49
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Ok, well I had a think and had a chat about with my best mate and decided to give him an ultimatum. I said it's either her or me, now.

    I spoke to him last night and we're meeting tonight when he's gonna tell me his decision.

    For those of you who gave advice (good or bad) politely I thank you. For those of you who who made me out to be some kind of stupid airhead, i say this.....we don't choose who we fall for in this world and I imagine those of you who became vulgar or were taking have never experienced situations like this, very easy be an insider looking in but not so easy to be stuck in the middle.

    And don't give me the usual "You asked for an opinion and you got it", I asked for an opinion and in many cases got a berage of abuse that were both insulting and hurtful.


  • #50
    dudara
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 33,518 ✭✭✭✭dudara


    I imagine those of you who became vulgar or were taking have never experienced situations like this, very easy be an insider looking in but not so easy to be stuck in the middle.

    I think you'd be surprised how many of us might have experienced situations like this. In any case, I hope things work out OK, for everyone involved


  • #51
    Zombrex
    Closed Accounts Posts: 25,848 ✭✭✭✭Zombrex


    Unreg bit! wrote:
    For those of you who gave advice (good or bad) politely I thank you. For those of you who who made me out to be some kind of stupid airhead, i say this.....we don't choose who we fall for in this world and I imagine those of you who became vulgar or were taking have never experienced situations like this, very easy be an insider looking in but not so easy to be stuck in the middle.

    I am not sure if I am included in that or not, but I would say we can't choose who we fall for but we can choose how we treat other people around us. "We are in love" isn't an excuse to treat people badly, especially people we are supposed to call friends (talking about him more than you here, I don't know your relationships with this poor girl).

    There is a right way and a wrong way to handle situations like this. You two have taken the wrong way. For that you only have yourselves to blame.

    (and yes I have been in a situation like this, not that that actually matters)


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  • #52
    Maccattack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,322 ✭✭✭Maccattack


    Dudara is right. id say a lot of people have replied and based their opinions on personal experience.

    I doubt anyone has tried to hurt you. You are obviously sensitive and I applaud that - especially in a young woman - but thats how it goes when you post on an open forum.

    Maybe you didnt hear what you wanted to hear, but that doesnt mean people have tried to hurt you.

    It begs the question though. Why did you post unreg?


  • #53
    dudara
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 33,518 ✭✭✭✭dudara


    Wicknight wrote:
    I would say we can't choose who we fall for but we can choose how we treat other people around us. "We are in love" isn't an excuse to treat people badly

    well said. My sentiments exactly


  • #54
    Victor
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 78,747 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    Unreg bit! wrote:
    S@x life is top notch too.
    I hope thats a clean mouthpiece you are blowing. http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=152605


  • #55
    Kiera
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,130 ✭✭✭✭Kiera


    So???? Did he dump her over the weekend?


  • #56
    Dragan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,497 ✭✭✭✭Dragan


    Unreg bit! wrote:
    Going unregged for this one folks. Here's my situation and before I get slagged off I just want to know has anyone got experience of this kind of issue, good or bad.

    I have been seeing a guy for about 2 months and what can I say he's awesome, amazing looking, great sense of humour and we get on like a house on fire. S@x life is top notch too.

    The main issue is he has a girlfriend. They've been going out since last xmas. I met him when they broke up for a month in August. When they got back together we cooled off for a week or two but eventually I asked him out again and we have been seeing each other when we can.

    His relationship is tricky, they moved back from the UK together and she depends on him alot for support as her job isn't going too well. He says he will break up with her after xmas and I believe him as he doesn't seem happy with her. He hasn't said he loves me as he says that would be unfair in his current situation but he could see it getting that far.....and he says he doesn't love his girlfriend like he did, he loves as a friend but not as a lover. He doesn't live with her or anything. (He's 25 and I'm 26 by the way)

    I'm happy with things the way they are as long as he breaks with her after xmas, i firmly believe we can build on it from then. If that doesn't happen I'm off.

    Has anyone been in a similar situation or have any advice having seen it before?

    Cheers

    Do you not see that you have given the fella licence to cheat???

    I do believe you said that you met him when him and his girlfriend had broken up, he got back with her while he was seeing you.

    In my book he has cheated on you , and is now cheating on her.

    Why do girls put up with this **** and then complain about men being ****???

    Drop him. I'm assuming you can do better.


  • #57
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I think you are wrong. you dont care about her? You are selfish and your harsh attitude will reflect back on you. he mite dump you after a few weeks after breakin with her that wud make sense.


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