The real meaning

**"Competitive Salary"
We remain competitive by paying you less than our competition.

**"Join our fast-paced company"
We have no time to train you.

**"Casual work atmosphere"
We don't pay enough to expect that you will dress up; a couple of
> > the
> > > real
daring guys wear dungarees.

**"Must be deadline oriented"
You will be six months behind schedule on your first day.

**"Some overtime required"
Some every night and some every weekend.

**"Duties will vary"
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

**"Must have an eye for detail"
We have no quality assurance.

**"Career-minded"
Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

**"Apply in person"
If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told that the position has
> > been
filled.

**"No phone calls please"
We've already filled the job; our call for a resume is just a legal
formality.

**"Seeking candidates with a wide variety of experience"
You'll need it to replace the three people who just quit.

**"Problem-solving skills a must"
You're walking into perpetual chaos.

**"Requires team leadership skills"
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or
respect.

**"Good communication skills"
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and
do it.


Phrases for you to use in an interview:

**"I'm extremely adept at all manner of office organization"
I've used Microsoft Office.

**"I'm honest, hard-working and dependable"
I pilfer office supplies.

**"I take pride in my work"
I blame others for any mistakes.

**"I'm personable"
I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.

**"I am very adaptable"
I've changed jobs a lot.

**"I am on the go"
I'm never at my desk.

**"I'm highly motivated to succeed"
The minute I find a better job, I'm outta here.