War has broken out in the Supermarket (Very Violent)

TerrorFirmer · 17-08-2005 06:58PM #1

Today, the uneasy truce between the Fresh Veg and Dairy section spilled over into bloody conflict during peak lunch time.

Attempting to cross the border into the Dairy Section, several decaying carrots were challenged and in an ensuing scuffle fell into a display Blender.

The Veg Section demanded an immediate investigation by independant tinned products, but this was refused by the Dairies.

At 1:57 this afternoon, an opening barrage of lettuce leaves decimated the Dairies border defenses, several of which rolled under the shelf.

After fierce resistance, the cream section fell, overrun by an elite division of tomatoes hardened by the ravages of last weeks sale.

Sources report that the capital, the Lowfatania, is under seige. Strawberry milk battalions are making their way towards the beseiged capital, but onwatching Dry canned goods across the floor channel fear the worst.

It may be a case on lying in wait until one side is weakened enough by customer intervention to allow a final blow to be stuck.

More news as it comes, god bless all those touched by this horrific war.

Rhyme · 17-08-2005 07:08PM

My babies, who will save my babies?

TerrorFirmer · 17-08-2005 08:25PM

Rhyme wrote:

My babies, who will save my babies?

Reports indicate Several cartons of hi and lo milk were shot down and left to leak to death in an abortive rescue attempt.

The 500ml bottles of cream remain surrounded and cut off...

trishw78 · 18-08-2005 08:03AM

I take it the Confectionry section is doing the usual we didn't start it. But deep down you know they did... pesky confectionry playing innocent

AdMMM · 18-08-2005 09:08AM

I knew that last weeks truce negotiated thanks to the help of the bread section wouldn't last. Thanks for the heads up. I now know of the scale of destruction to expect when I go shopping today! Better bring the dustbin lid as a shield though... suicidal cans of cream hurt!

delly · 18-08-2005 09:41AM

Well the veg section have had it coming for quite some time, and if current rumours are true, we could soon see a critical phase of the conflict come to a head. I refer to of course, to the deployment of the elite SOUR-cream units.

If SOUR-cream is deployed, there will be lots more bloodshed on the shelfs. It signifies an unwillingness of the dairy section to want a peaceful resolution to the conflict. From what i hear as well, SOUR-cream will have a long sell by date, so there planning to be in for the long haul.

Redhairedguy · 18-08-2005 10:39AM

You have to ask at this time, where the so-called "Special Forces" Turnips are..... According to recent reports by Archchancellor Avacado, they are on a peace keeping mission, in the territory of the ham and sliced meats. You'd think some of them would report home instantly?

trishw78 · 18-08-2005 12:23PM

There's been reports of the confectionary section making a break for the Baked Goods... The were last heard shouting free the Sugar!!! alot of them seemed to be suffering some sort of Withdrawal sympthoms

TerrorFirmer · 18-08-2005 06:04PM

Newsflash: Lettuce Leaf carrying Archchancellor Avacado to the Sliced Ham section on a peacekeeping review has been shot down by 88mm Broccoli stalks.

Tensions mount, intervention by the fruit section now seems inevitable. Already hundreds of seeds and skins have been lent to the Veg's in order to combat the gruelling winter of the dairy fridges in a "Lend Lease" program.

News sources report the Dairies are preparing a counter offensive to elimate the bulge in their lines deep within the beseiged yoghurt section.

funky penguin · 18-08-2005 07:10PM

trishw78 wrote:

I take it the Confectionry section is doing the usual we didn't start it. But deep down you know they did... pesky confectionry playing innocent

Everytime I see your sig I say "Should Woulda Hudda Coulda Dudda" to myself, really fast.

amp · 19-08-2005 06:23AM

Breaking news! The off-license section, while initially very aggressive, got distracted and ended up in a kebab shop. Reports indicate they may have taken several bottles of Pepsi max "hostage"*

*Mixers

trishw78 · 19-08-2005 08:45AM

General Crusty Loaf known sugar smuggler has issued a warning to the confestionary stay away or you'll be baked in a pie

Redhairedguy · 19-08-2005 07:20PM

After the unfortunate disappearance of Archchancellor Avacado, the patriotic, General Von Onion and his garlic extremists have come to power.

In a press conference, the General, outlined his plans to annex with the floral section, thus bringing in heavy artillery from such sections as bogonias and tulips!

As this point, the neutral hot food counter is in talks with the president of the Dairy wall, whether to lend support to them, namely freeing the cut-off Yazoos, whom are caught in the crossfire and are dying without fresh supplies from the butter region and the cheese section.

TerrorFirmer · 19-08-2005 09:30PM

Arriving from the far reaches of the hot food counter, General Roasts Paprika Corps have begun to touch down in the outer areas of the cold meats industrial zone. Heavy ham by ham fighting is expected.

"The Battle of the Bulge" has ended in the west, with over several dozen cartons of milk leaking and captured by customers. This has weakened the Dairy line elsewhere, a fact not gone unnoticed by Lieutenant Major Mushroom. The axis forces hope to force a quick victory before the full fury of the Paprika forces can come to bear in the east. Whether or not the Dairies can hold out is debatable.

More news as it comes.

sanncoo · 19-08-2005 10:20PM

We are going across to our roving reporter Sanncoo who is on the frontline......

'Here I am in the bunker in an undisclosed location with Archchancellor Avocado.....he has agreed to talk to us from his hospital bed!

Sanncoo: Archchancellor Avocado - you appear to have been hit in the side? Tell us how you are feeling?

AA: Well Comrad Sanncoo - I was hit in the side but luckily my stone prevented further damage. thank god for these stones. We curse them most days, but today they proved a life saver. The surgeons were able to go in and safely remove the brocolli stalk without any major damage. I'd like to thanks the skilled Scallions, without whom I would not be here talking to you today.

S: Yes, god bless those Scallion, Archchancellor. You asked me here to talk to you today because you have a message? Can you tell us what you want to say?

AA: Sanncoo, this message is for the troops!! to let them know that I am still alive. I am on the mend and I intend to go to the frontline again. I want them to know that the fight is not in vain, the cause lives on. I live on in the hearts and minds of every warrior. VIVA LA VEG!

S: Thank you Archchancellor - Now back to the studio.

Redhairedguy · 20-08-2005 11:51PM

With the arrival of the barbaric tribes, from the wastelands of the raw meat counter, to the side of the Veg. The dairies are beginning to fret if General Roast can mobilize his troops in time to the precious vegetable city of "Cauliflower" named after the great Leader and philospher of ages past, before the vicious sausages and the ruthless mince arrive.

On the frontlines of the Veg/Dairy skirmish... heavy losses were reported by the Veg troops, when some old guy tripped and smashed through 3 boxes containing fresh reinforcements of peas, mushrooms and runner beans for the battle-scarred front-line forces. From his hospital bed, Archchancellor Avacado, who is recovering swiftly after his tramautic experience by the ongoing war, was said to weep a single tear for each hero lost, in the accident.

In other news, sniper division Potato B, a.k.a "The Silver Spuds" has recorded over twenty successful hits on high ranking Dairy officers. Vice-chancellor Corn-on-the-cob has awarded each member of the division the Distinguished Medal of Bravery, and the Golden Tomato of Valour.

More news as it comes!

TerrorFirmer · 21-08-2005 11:35PM

Speaking from the beseiged capital of Lowfatina, within which the citizens can hear the distant pounding of 88mm Broccoli stalks, Mayor Whip has spoken out in a defiant rallying call:

"We will fight on the shelves, we shall fight in the reduced section, we shall fight in the competitors shelf, we will fight to the last carton, we shall never surrender"

In other news, recent pushes by Generals Roasts Paprika Corps to link up with the trapped dairies have ground to a halt. Hampered by heavy mist from an unusually chilly refrigerating unit within the cold meats section, fighting has been continuing in explosive spats with little ground made on either side.

Redhairedguy · 22-08-2005 12:05AM

Spies in the Dairy center of intelligence have notified the Veg forces of the advancing troops to "Cauliflower". The security has been tightened heavily. Anyone entering the city must be of pure vegetable heritage and must have all their documents proving this.

The fresh fruit section, a long ally of the Veg forces, has claimed neutrality during the war. Depsite this, there are rumours of carrots mobilizing some forces in fruit territory. Mostly common apples and oranges, whom after the depression of May 7th when some guy sneezed all over them, have been rendered unsellable and jobless! This recent surge in the size of the Veg army has said to boost the morale of it's soldiers.

In other news, doctors in "Scallion General Hospital" have said that Archchancellor Avacado is now well enough to return to his post and manage the veg forces.

Tensions mount in the favour of the Dairy forces, when earlier this morning, a civilan transport containing 3 families of Ribena toothkind, 2 cans of Coca Cola and a 2 litre bottle of T.K, was ambushed and destroyed by Aubergine demolition forces, just west of the border of Veg territory. The chilled drinks cabinet has confirmed the identities of the deceased, and why they were there, the toothkind families were holiday making, returning home before things got worse, the Coke and the T.K were students travelling to a concert for international peace. The families of the deceased have called for justice.... talks whether entrance into the war is an option are being held by President Dietcoke and his military advisor, General Reddington (Red) Bull in the capital city of the top shelf.

More news as it comes!

Chad ghostal · 20-09-2005 03:31AM

is having sex with lettuce now considered treason?

Redhairedguy · 20-09-2005 08:52PM

In some cultures, it is punishable by death!!!!

But, this is the 21st century, people should open their minds a little more.

I too am currently dating a piece of celery..... people frown upon us, but Grace and me don't care!

War has broken out in the Supermarket (Very Violent)

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