Excellent Tip For Toilet Users Nationwide

#1 · 04-05-2005 06:00PM #1

I suppose this is the most suitable forum for this sort of post as it will probably reach a larger audience here!

I was talking to my friend earlier on today just after coming out of the toilet and after a while the conversation went dead so I decided to liven things up a bit by saying "Don't ya just hate splashback from the bog?", "Wha?" was his reply "Y'no the pìsswater that splashes back up into your arsè whenever you take a ****e?"

Little did I know that he had a solution, a very practical and effective one at that. Y'see, he too hated that uncomfortable feeling of droplets of pisswater hitting his crack while on the bog so he invented the following method which is actually a lot shorter than all this "filler".

"What you have to do is before you go to sit down, take a piece of toilet paper (or two, depending on how "heavy" you think it will be) and simply drop it into the water. Now you are free to drop your load knowing that the water which you have polluted with your pìss hasn't a chance of touching you"

"It also dampens out the sound" he added, "which makes it useful for public toilets... but you'll have the figure out your own way of drowning out the sounds of you forcing the bugger out!"

Now after a few large meals throughout the day, I finally got the chance to test it out myself... and it worked! I was astonished that something so simple could stop something so irratating!

Walter_Sobcek · 04-05-2005 06:02PM

Fantastic!
I've got one brewing - i'll let you know how it works out.

ferdi · 04-05-2005 06:04PM

pffft, i've been doing this for years

04-05-2005 06:05PM

|.Murderer.| wrote:

I suppose this is the most suitable forum for this sort of post as it will probably reach a larger audience here!

I was talking to my friend earlier on today just after coming out of the toilet and after a while the conversation went dead so I decided to liven things up a bit by saying "Don't ya just hate splashback from the bog?", "Wha?" was his reply "Y'no the pìsswater that splashes back up into your arsè whenever you take a ****e?"

Little did I know that he had a solution, a very practical and effective one at that. Y'see, he too hated that uncomfortable feeling of droplets of pisswater hitting his crack while on the bog so he invented the following method which is actually a lot shorter than all this "filler".

"What you have to do is before you go to sit down, take a piece of toilet paper (or two, depending on how "heavy" you think it will be) and simply drop it into the water. Now you are free to drop your load knowing that the water which you have polluted with your pìss hasn't a chance of touching you"

"It also dampens out the sound" he added, "which makes it useful for public toilets... but you'll have the figure out your own way of drowning out the sounds of you forcing the bugger out!"

Now after a few large meals throughout the day, I finally got the chance to test it out myself... and it worked! I was astonished that something so simple could stop something so irratating!

That piece of advice has been handed down (no pun) in each generation of my family.

LadyJ · 04-05-2005 06:05PM

Didn't you know that already????

Lafortezza · 04-05-2005 06:06PM

pfft, toilet noobs...

kittenkiller · 04-05-2005 06:06PM

I'm so glad i read that!

Truely.

ferdi · 04-05-2005 06:06PM

pfft, pfft

Shrimp · 04-05-2005 06:06PM

ferdi wrote:

pffft, i've been doing this for years

exactly who hasn't?

grimloch · 04-05-2005 06:08PM

Shrimp wrote:

exactly who hasn't?

me.....

Shrimp · 04-05-2005 06:11PM

obviously another kellogs crunchy nut..

acri · 04-05-2005 06:17PM

Theres two problems however. 1: your crap might find a gap and splash anyway. this is annoying and wastes paper. Another is that you might wait too long before you actually discharge and the paper sinks below the water, thus rendering the action useless.

http://www.poopreport.com Personally, I couldnt get the power-dump to work.

JimboPope · 04-05-2005 06:30PM

'tis a fine art, too litle - it has no effect, too much - bog overflows when you flush. I've been doing this for yonks and know just the right amount of paper to drop. Remember, practice makes perfect.

netwhizkid · 04-05-2005 06:33PM

Emm, some people have too much time on their hands. Another piece of toilet advice, always line the toilet seat in a public toilet or otherwise with toilet paper, it stops your ass making contact indirectly with another persons ass. thus stopping you getting anything anyone else has. Just like finch in american pie 1,

Regards netwhizkid

theCzar · 04-05-2005 06:35PM

i think the nightmare scenario is that you unwittingly use the last of the bog roll to do it....

monkeyfudge · 04-05-2005 06:38PM

While we're stating things that should be bloody obvious, remember to take down your underpants before having a sh*t....

vibe666 · 04-05-2005 06:43PM

netwhizkid wrote:

.....it stops your ass making contact indirectly with another persons ass. thus stopping you getting anything anyone else has.

er, it's actually the bit in between the cheeks with the germs on it that you have to worry about, that's why toilet seats have a nice big hole in them, so that doesn't touch anything.

if you want to do it properly then you should try the more common asian method of squatting. you just have to make sure you don't drop one in your shoe or anything, or catch it in your trousers. now that would ruin your day.

netwhizkid · 04-05-2005 06:43PM

Originally Posted by monkeyfudge
While we're stating things that should be bloody obvious,

also don't forget to flush and brush of any decorations left, then proceed to wash hands at least three times before emptying half a can of haze air freshner around da bathroom. :rolleyes:

200 post it only took me 2 and a half years, i must be related to the government i'm so slow

. June 2005 target 300 posts.

Regards netwhizkid

Gordon · 04-05-2005 06:52PM

lol

Another tip is to use a match afterwards to curb the smell. I never do that though because mine smells sweet as fresh spring mornings.

On a farm.

Third_Echelon · 04-05-2005 06:57PM

My god. I thought everyone did this already?

Kernel · 04-05-2005 07:06PM

I've also been doing this for years....

Do you all wipe away from your nads/punani or towards your nads/punani?

LadyJ · 04-05-2005 07:09PM

Kernel wrote:

I've also been doing this for years....

Do you all wipe away from your nads/punani or towards your nads/punani?

Front to back god dammit!

Third_Echelon · 04-05-2005 07:10PM

Kernel wrote:

I've also been doing this for years....

Do you all wipe away from your nads/punani or towards your nads/punani?

AWAY AWAY... someone think of the children.

Just listen to the 'NOFX' song 'My Vagina' and you'll find out why

*disclaimer* Third_Echelon does not actually have a vagina

AdMMM · 04-05-2005 07:10PM

Hmmm (/me imitates a wiping motion on my chair)

I tilt my body to the right, hense lifting my right cheek off the seat and stick my hand in through the gap... then I (/me repeats wiping motion) wipe from my nads to my tailbone

Tar.Aldarion · 04-05-2005 07:12PM

just learn to prevent splashback,don't believe it's ever happened in years
none of this tissue in the toilet ****e

JackKelly · 04-05-2005 07:14PM

you could just suck out all the air in the room-liquids don't splash in a vacuum.

duh

Tar.Aldarion · 04-05-2005 07:17PM

nor does your **** get far from you for that matter

Dimitri · 04-05-2005 07:21PM

this thread has changed my life!! seriously i cant wait to try it out

Mr.Nice Guy · 04-05-2005 07:21PM

Third_Echelon wrote:

My god. I thought everyone did this already?

Same here.

Tar.Aldarion · 04-05-2005 07:23PM

Dimitri wrote:

this thread has changed my life!! seriously i cant wait to try it out

oh i envy the exuberence of one so excited over the toilet:)

Dimitri · 04-05-2005 07:29PM

Tar.Aldarion wrote:

oh i envy the exuberence of one so excited over the toilet:)

its the simple pleasures that make up life

Excellent Tip For Toilet Users Nationwide

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