Am I alone?

boomdogman · 08-11-2004 09:15PM #1

This is a kind of speculative question thing. I live in rural Ireland, Kilkenny to be exact, have gotten to a stage where I am open about my sexuality and comfortable with it. This is no big deal, I is what i is said the Lord. Why then is it so damm hard to meet any one else in the same boat?
Casual sex is easy, lots of that around. But a bloke who wants to be around next day, week, year? Yes they want to be there for the sex but only as long as its all kept hidden, no one must know.

Whats the big deal with being gay? Surely its getting easier and guys my age must have dealt with it by now? Or am I nuts?
Paddy

aidan_walsh · 08-11-2004 09:20PM

boomdogman wrote:

Casual sex is easy, lots of that around. But a bloke who wants to be around next day, week, year?

You do of course realise that this isn't a problem that just afflicts gay people...

OfflerCrocGod · 08-11-2004 11:26PM

boomdogman wrote:

Casual sex is easy, lots of that around. But a bloke who wants to be around next day, week, year? Yes they want to be there for the sex but only as long as its all kept hidden, no one must know.

Try an experiment if you would. Don't have Sex for 21 years........then see if you want to complain

aidan_walsh · 08-11-2004 11:28PM

Its really quite simple. When you meet someone who wants to be with you, he'll let you know... It works the same way regardless of sexuality.

elivsvonchiaing · 09-11-2004 12:16AM

boomdogman wrote:

This is a kind of speculative question thing. I live in rural Ireland, Kilkenny to be exact, have gotten to a stage where I am open about my sexuality and comfortable with it... Paddy

Still have the impression even in Dublin that people think it's okay to be gay - just so long as none of your friends are.

A friend came out in 2001. I've only seen the guy at about one in 10 get-togethers since. I've still have to work out the politics of this :eek: I quizzed him about it and its all about rejection (by only a couple of people

).

You either need to accept this - or fight it!

In his case it is acceptance. Not healthy in my book - but in his shoes don't know if I'd be up for a fight tbh

It was a case of when he showed up - it was gay jokes for openers - followed by lambasting of the joke-teller - and then he just would just get into a depressive state and not be in the "groove" afterwards. He'd leave early and there'd be accusations of "You're some cnut for that joke..."

The final result - we have fragmented - just wish he would attend one of the fragmented piss-ups.

Ireland is homophobic imho! Will be interesting to see how "the" couple get on in the high-court

swiss · 09-11-2004 11:35AM

It's somewhat more difficult to be open in a rural environment, since rural communities tend to be tighter knit than urban. Also, a gay person can melt pretty anonymously into the city, with the aid of various gay peer groups, but the same cannot be said of rural areas. This is compounded with the fact that country areas are more likely to be bastions of more conservative attitudes and opinions.

Faced with this, most gay guys (and gals) tend to be discreet about their sexuality, and generally don't want to commit to a relationship in their community in order to maintain that discretion. But this isn't all about gay guys. How many guys would pass up no strings attached fun from time to time? Why jeapordise that unless you're sure that the relationship can go somewhere?

Boston · 09-11-2004 06:41PM

boomdogman wrote:

This is a kind of speculative question thing. I live in rural Ireland, Kilkenny to be exact, have gotten to a stage where I am open about my sexuality and comfortable with it. This is no big deal, I is what i is said the Lord. Why then is it so damm hard to meet any one else in the same boat?
Casual sex is easy, lots of that around. But a bloke who wants to be around next day, week, year? Yes they want to be there for the sex but only as long as its all kept hidden, no one must know.

Whats the big deal with being gay? Surely its getting easier and guys my age must have dealt with it by now? Or am I nuts?
Paddy

I think your question is, is there such a thing as gay love. As a friend once said, gay love is fleeting. My risk being openly gay for something that may not be there tomorrow. Part of not wanting to be in a relationship maybe that they don't want to admitt their sexuality, I know this ties in for unprotected sex allot(may seem random but I can explain why i think this). For a friend of mine the notion of being in a same sex relationship just never occured to him, he views himself as a straight man who sleeps with men. It's all pretty ****ed up.

elivsvonchiaing; that's a shame, shame he's so thin skinned, as a people the irish people tend to rip the piss out of each other for many things. Why would sexuality be different. Yes someone shouldn't be doing just to hurt someone, but hidding is no way to deal with it. If you want to be treated the same, then getting slagged about your love life is a part of being a guy with mates. Now maybe some of these people are complete pricks, but I don't agree with taboo's. Also have you ever thought about inviting him out for a pint yourself, like just you two.

boomdogman · 09-11-2004 09:16PM

I never found it difficult to be gay in a rural environment, got no hassle from my rural friends. Yeah I've had gay jokes but dealt with them. Once had to tell a 18 stone rugby asshole who hassled me that I wouldnt f**k him if he was the last man on earth so get to f**k out of the way before I pissed on him instesd. He got out of the way.
Minor stuff. Guess I still don't know why guys think that they are str8 but sleep with men. Right now I'm trying to work through all this with the best guy I've ever met.
Dazed and confused!

Boston · 09-11-2004 09:41PM

So you've found someone? What age are you may i ask.

Ps its one thing slagging amoung friends, its another when some jerk feels he has a right to comment on stuff he obviously hasn't a clue about.

Hmm_Messiah · 15-11-2004 05:06PM

You've met some one ? so I need to cross you off my list

Well I can empathise with what you said and almost every one else

Its not entirely a gay thing, there are may your age of either sex or orientationfeeelign the same

I guess love is not such an esy thing to happen

I'm in your area (lol as you well know) and I've found love, and had it fully embraced and welcomed and encouraged by friends and family
(work place was a different story)

thats ended now, so my question is can i find it twice

All I do know is as a person, you have to my knowledge many traits that would make you a real option in a r/ship (as a man or woman would see it)
the good humour, stopping to offer strangers lifts, intelligence

Maybe its how rural you are, though you seem many times more social than me.

So might just be somthing that still has to happen

Sounds like you have "found" some one, but maybe equally thats just a good friend that hleps make sense of this void

Its nice that you feel you are missing something.

The only real difference in gay world ( I tend to drift between that and other worlds) is a numbers game. how many gay men avaialble locally, how do you meet then in a way that encourages growth and possibility ?
Am sure many a single str* lad or lass has the same wishes, and disappoints, but the truth is they have at least more options for finding "the one"

Did I ask should I cross you off my list?

blessed be dude

PS I found some one ! lol who seems to love me, and offer all I would want (e.g. something similar (not same as ) my brothers have with their wives)
thing is I can't feel it back, and it sucks, everythign is there except a spark of that magic, isnt that sad

Hmm_Messiah · 15-11-2004 05:09PM

Oh and I was wearign head phones whenb u stopped to offer a lift, wasn't ignoring u or anything

as if I'd ignore u

btw guess telling all that u're a bit of a stud might divert from your original post ??

(he is)

damien · 15-11-2004 05:39PM

Get a fcking room !

ixoy · 15-11-2004 06:11PM

Hmm_Messiah wrote:

Oh and I was wearign head phones whenb u stopped to offer a lift, wasn't ignoring u or anything blah de blah ..

*Sigh* Keep it on topic or use PMs.

Boston · 15-11-2004 07:18PM

That was odd.

Hmm_Messiah · 15-11-2004 11:19PM

sorry !!

I thought I was mostly "on topic" but then realised I meant to add a PS and had not.

Sorry but I often tend to balance serious thoughts and concerns with lighthearted insignificances (if thats a word)

will try harder.

am new here

Boston · 16-11-2004 08:12AM

More the point is that at least last and most of the first post were in fact private

Hmm_Messiah · 16-11-2004 02:03PM

I think I should move back to just using the bargains and computer treaded.
I remember what this is like going back and forth contradicting each other.
Knowing that then I guess I should say no more,
except I would have to protest at the suggestion my first post was "private" , we must understand things differently.
I read boomdogmans question and had an opinion, and gave it. That I knew him in some way made it difficult to do that without perhaps unnecessary references, but the vast bulk of that post was about his question , and my own speculations on the question , of finding some one, how much being in a rural community adds to that etc etc., how it might different or not for str8 people in same situation.

I did say nice things about him, which I could of said in private (or in person I guess) but I said then within my post because I meant them to be confirmation of one thing that boomdogman didn't speculate on but in my experience other gay people , other people have i.e. "is it me?"

but, other than that, for what it's worth sorry
(moving on)

ixoy · 16-11-2004 02:10PM

Now, you've apologised but I don't think you needed to personally

Don't feel the need to have to leave - the more the merrier and, most of the time, people here are perfectly friendly. And a little bit of debate, and occasional bitchiness, never hurt anyone... All I ask is to try and keep posts on topic.

FWIW, Hmm Messiah your first post was OK. Your second post is the sort of thing best kept for private messages as it's nothing to do with the topic on hand. One of my jobs, as moderator, is to try and stop threads from descending into pointless personal jibes or tomfoolery. When that happens I'll just generally lock the thread - only hand out bannings when people are being offensive (which is somewhat too frequent here for my liking, but never happens with the regulars).

boomdogman · 17-11-2004 10:59PM

He was a good man as men go and as men go he went.
Started this thread as a speculative question when my confidence was up after I met Peter(not his name but it was what he called himself to me so that will do). who appeared to be all the things many other guys were not, big built, intelligent country guy(self supporting also unlike previous leech) and knew exactly what he was. Intimate conversations and good sex betokend, thought I, good things. Not so.
His departure in a puff of unanswered phone calls makes me revisit the topic. Why is it so hard for otherwise decent, bright apparently well adjusted guys to deal with being gay? He just joins the long list of guys I know who are in private but do the whole chat up and look likely stuff with women.

moridin · 17-11-2004 11:05PM

How long were you 'seeing each other' for?

Am I alone?

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