The New Priest

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he couldn't
stand still. He asked Father Murphy for some advice. Father
Murphy replied, "When I'm worried about gettin' nervous on
the pulpit, I take a wee bit o' whiskey. Just to calm my
nerves." So the next Sunday he took the older priest's
advice. Before the mass, he got nervous and took a drink. He
then proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office
after mass, he found the following note on his door:
1. A few sips of whiskey. Not the whole bottle.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as
Senior, Junior, and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey,
don't say "He was stoned off his ass."
10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said,
"Take this and eat it, for it is my body"; he did not say, Eat
me."
12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the
Cherry".
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-
dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yea God"
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St.
Patrick's, not a patrick-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

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[This message has been edited by Doc (edited 29-01-2001).]