Relationship breakdown

P4545P · 30-04-2025 12:49PM #1

34 year old boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with me (37) in a text message almost a month ago because, in his words, I dont earn as much money as him (im a teacher) he said im moany and negative and wont do anything to change my situation or get a new job, (I love my job but ometimes I vent to him about it because I work with extremely disadvantaged children and their stories are heartbreaking) the other thing I "moan" about is I still live with my parents and give out about not being able to afford to move out (he lives with his parents too). This came completely out of nowhere and im heartbroken, he wont have a conversation with me, I havnt heard from since, he's completely cut me out of his life and that was his explanation. The week before he'd been telling me how he cant wait to spend his life with me, he's been nothing but consistent with his affection throughout our relationship, Im in total shock. Ive started therapy and trying to move on but everyday feels like an uphill battle. I dont know what to do?

charlessmith22 · 30-04-2025 04:29PM

Sorry that happened OP. It sounds like he's probably making excuses as someone else has come into the picture.

A mid to late 30's relationship where both parties live with parents sounds logistically horrible though, so I'm not surprised it was ultimately not functioning. That's unnatural in any other time in history.

In terms of what to do id try establish some sort of independence from your parents to give future relationships a better chance, and possibly moving country to somewhere where buying or renting isn't as daunting

Tork · 30-04-2025 08:24PM

My first thought was that he'd met someone else as well. Ending a long-term relationship by text is pretty disrespectful. It looks like he compiled a list of excuses to back up his decision and pressed Send. Even though you want to talk to him, what good do you think it would do? There's no point in guilting him into getting back with you, nor in you begging him to reconsider. I can't see another conversation with him helping you in any way. Sad to say, it's over. Perhaps down the line you'll start to see this relationship in a different light and realise that you've dodged a bullet.

Being stuck at home at 37 sounds horrific. Have you ever thought seriously about ways you could save up some money so you could move out of home? Taking a part-time job on the side? Getting help from your parents? Taking a career break and going abroad etc.

watchclocker · 30-04-2025 08:28PM

I'm sorry but he sounds like a dick that you shouldn't waste a tear on, but that's easy for me to say

Take care and try to focus on what you can do to improve your situation, and move on from the fully grown adult who sends a breakup text after eighteen months

Princess Calla · 30-04-2025 08:39PM

The issue here is him not you!

He has shown you who/what he is by ending the relationship by text. Seriously he has no backbone or common decency.

Why should you change careers? Everyone moans and vents about their job, it's absolutely normal. Teaching is a great profession (I'm not a teacher but I certainly see the perks)

As for living at home, for your own sake you need to change that.....I know the housing market is mental but if you're not happy at home (I personally was miserable but I know plenty of people whose parents are sound and it works for them) but if you're not happy do address the issue....it's a hard slog , however your hours are nice and do allow for a side hustle to get some extra cash.

Airyfairy12 · 30-04-2025 09:01PM

This is awful, Id suggest focusing on yourself and working towards bettering your finances. You cant win him back but you can work towards becoming a better version of yourself. Fk him, you deserve respect and a love that stays, not someone whose going to run away from the relationship at the drop of a hat and in such a horrible, immature way.

P4545P · 01-05-2025 12:06AM

He assured me theres not anyone else in the picture but I dont know what to believe.

Its not ideal living at home at 37, my ex and I had been talking about moving in together, I was saving towards this, he wasnt, I cant do it on my own. My friends who arent living in social housing are all living with their parents besides one who bought her house in 2011. Im friends with a couple aged in their 40's who are living with one of their mothers despite both having full time jobs. The media never talks about the adults who are still living at home because housing is so unaffordable and lacking in availability. No, my parents wont help me, besides getting susi grants for my undergraduate degree ive paid for my postgraduate degrees, car insurance etc myself, my parents have never helped me financially, but I am lucky that my hours are good enough that I can look for work outside of my main job.

I did recently post about feeling distant from friends but since my relationship ended ive reconnected with all of them and theyve been very supportive, some more than others but they are there when I need them.

I dont want to convince him to get back together with me, even though im heartbroken, I wanted to talk to him to try and figure out what was going on, this was when I got the insults that im too poor to do expensive things all of the time and he's bored with me because of this and than im negative for venting about my job. Im just so hurt. I had been negative over the last couple of weeks but allot of it had to do with the disconnect from my friendships, as I mentioned in a previous post, I love my friends and it hurt me that we had lost regular contact. This was the first time in my relationship with my ex that I showed negative emotions/feeling depressed and I wonder if thats why he bailed? Having to deal with me being sad was too much for him? I honestly dont know.

spaceHopper · 01-05-2025 04:41PM

He has no good reason. He just wasn't feeling it anymore - the relationship had run its course. The "reasons" in the text are nonsense. He didn't meet you because he was afraid you'd call him out on the BS.

As for still living at home, you can if you put your mind to it move out. There must be other teachers in your school you could share a house with. Guy in work rented with 3 friends from college. Anybody I knew when I was in my 20's shared a house or flat. Living alone was very uncommon.

If you need to earn extra money teach grinds, or literacy, like Toe by Toe over Zoom, teams…. 4 students, 20 euros an hour over zoom twice a week will bring in 160 a week. Add two hours lesson prep and it's only 4 hours a week.

P4545P · 01-05-2025 04:58PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123408565#Comment_123408565

I just dont understand how he can go from telling me he wants to spend his life with me to 'just not feeling it anymore' in the space of a week? Either he was lying before or he's a psychopath because who shuts off their emotions like that? or discards people they were so close with like they mean nothing? Thats what I cant get my head around?!

mountai · 01-05-2025 05:31PM

You have had one lucky escape . " Pick yourself up , dust yourself off and start all over again"

SuperBowserWorld · 01-05-2025 06:23PM

When you are feeling really bad ... slowly exhale, say **** it and smile. What could have been, could have been really terrible. You are free.

YellowLead · 01-05-2025 07:22PM

It’s an absolutely horrendous thing to do to somebody after a year and a half - he doesn’t owe you a relationship but he did owe you a proper chat in person. This man is cowardly - nothing changed in terms of your circumstances which he was fully aware of from the start - so it’s all on him.

I wouldn’t bother trying to get more of an explanation out of him at this stage - I think it’s better you give yourself your own closure and start the grieving / healing and forget about the why.

Edit: I did have a read of your previous thread where you mentioned you recently embarked on a new career - was that the teaching? Not that it matters as he should have been happy for you instead!
I also see the relationship was a slow burner and started off with just sleeping together. It may be the case that’s how he always sort of saw it, he got in too deep then and when **** got real he bolted because he has no balls or respect for others.

Fishdoodle · 01-05-2025 08:04PM

Might seem like things are falling apart but some positives

You got broken up with via text. Thats a red flag… count yourself lucky, it wouldn’t have lasted & you did nothing wrong. Expressing your vulnerability is an admirable trait 🙂

2. Money in a relationship is far from ‘what makes it work’.

3. If there’s a vacum in your life (friends/relationship) it will fill back up.

4. Remain open to possibilities eg. teaching abroad- new ground for growth … boost your salary etc (worth looking into), house deposit, plenty of new friends! …good time to further your options.

5. You’ve hit (massive) change point in your life, where collectively, things filter out. When you look back on this in the future, you’ll see it as a blessing. Friends, ex partner & those drifting out of your life will face their own big challenges when due to occour.

Your workplace sounds a bit intense, if it’s taking up a lot of headspace, consider a change, esp if you’re new in your career. (Different age group, school…etc).Allow yourself some time for your head to get over the relationships. Reconnect with your good friends. Accept what’s happening …and the moving on continues more fluidly. In the big scheme of things, I’d count yourself very lucky. Hold your head up high, value yourself, look after yourself and better things will naturally follow 🙂

Sunny Disposition · 02-05-2025 11:28AM

Fck him OP, you are way better off without a person like that, hard as the experience is.

What an awful person, breaking up by text and saying it's because of an income gap.

Bogey Lowenstein · 02-05-2025 11:32AM

OP you say that your friends have come back to you after you and the BF broke up. Could the reason be that they didn't like your BF for some reason so they were avoiding you both and not wanting to say anything to you?

P4545P · 02-05-2025 05:18PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123410874#Comment_123410874

No they didnt know him well enough, they only met him once or twice and anytime I spoke about him it was always positive. I think the friendships drifted because of life/changes in priorities etc.

Loafing Oaf · 03-05-2025 11:22AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123408612#Comment_123408612

Talk is cheap OP. Men say these things without really meaning them all the time because they know it's what the woman wants to hear in that moment. If he ends up not following up on what he is signalling? well he'll cross that bridge when he comes to it and it's mostly the woman's problem anyway…

Relationship breakdown

Comments