I Don't know what to do with my life

Surely with your PhD, the world is now your oyster?

Perhaps it's time you upped and left, try a new challenge in a different town/city/country?

Why stay in a grey, depressing when you are single and it's a big, exciting world out there?

It sounds like it was less than a year of a relationship? So it shouldn’t have the power to spiral you.
You don’t need a partner to go travelling - in fact travelling alone can really make people. Could be just what you need. Nothing stopping you except yourself. I know it’s hard when you’re older - but if you don’t do it now do you want to look back and 49 still in the same rut and wishing you had just had the balls? It sounds like you really need to get out of that small town!

How long is it since the break up? If it is recent enough I would say just wait, your feelings will change in 6 or 12 months. There is no rush

You're not spiralling you're grieving all the hopes and dreams you had (or thought you had) with your partner.

It's a gut punch.

You assume once you get to a certain age/point in life that the games and messing around stops and everything is "on the level". However he is entitled to change his mind too, he obviously wasn't into it as much as you were or else his feelings faded.

It takes time, there's no magic wand to make the feelings disappear.

I know you know all this yourself. I've seen you advising others, so I know you will get through it stronger.

Give yourself time to regroup.

I honestly don't think the confusion is all about the boy either...he's just the easier thing to focus on. I know myself once I finished my second degree the amount of "spare time" I had was overwhelming. The adrenaline of juggling everything wears off and you enter into a weird abyss of "what now".

So you've two big "what now" things hitting you at once.

A breakaway somewhere even a week in the sun or a solo hiking tour holiday whatever is your thing might be a good short term solution just to break your routine and give a bit of distance and perspective.

Best of luck , I know you've got this!

The likes of Dubai etc are always looking for well educated English speakers to teach. I know a couple of folk whose kids are out teaching abroad, living a great life (if you believe they aren't lying) and earning a fortune.

There's always a lot of Irish in most countries you'd move to, so probably wouldn't take long to fall in with some of those if you so wished?

Or even a move within Ireland could be rejuvenating ? Move to Galway, Belfast, Derry, Limerick....plenty happening in those places to break the monotiety of your current location.

Unfortunately a lot of people are like this nowadays, especially since Covid. A lot of them just want to stay inside watching tv or on the Internet. I'm in my late forties and see how many of my friends have withdrawn into themselves. It's going to be just as bad in some other countries such as countries in Scandinavia and Northern Europe. I think that you'd be better off staying in Ireland but maybe move to a new location. Easier said than done with the costs of renting etc.

You say you’re late 30’s and have done your phd and that your friends are not interested in excitement etc and just want to stay at home. I’m assuming your friends are roughly in the same age bracket as yourself? Are these friends in relationships, married or have kids, if so they are at a different stage in life than you and you can’t really expect them to drop everything for you? Secondly, l don’t know what your phd was in but it’s highly unlikely you’ll get to use it in the small depressing town you mention. So as someone has suggested here, you’ll have to move, that’s if you want to use that phd?Life won’t come knocking on your door, it’s up to you to get out there. You were clever enough to get your PhD, lm sure you’re clever enough to know what you need to do. Good luck 👍

do something completely different! Travel and go Wwoofing (https://wwoof.net/). In other words you work for your bed and board and the company of other like minded people! Its a great thing to do after the breakup of a relationship, you are busy , working physically, but you also have new interesting people around you.

You get to pick whatever country in the World you want to go to, you can move around i.e. do a month in one place, then move to another place. It is physical labour but sometimes that is part of the tonic, part of the cure, using our hands, making, fixing, growing, creating.

I know loads of people who have done it, including my daughter, she did it in New Zealand, best experience ever (and I went out to visit her!)

You should move to Liechtenstein or Switzerland . You'd get massive salaries there with your PhD

Easily 100k plus a year