You know you’re getting old when…

you take a viagra, just to stop you pîssing on your slippers.

…When the ones buying stuff for the garden in hardware stores look like they're just out of school.

1. You can predict the weather far more accurately than Met Eireann, just by the pains in your knees.
2. If you need to stoop down to retrieve something you let fall on the floor, when you are down there, you have a look around to see if there is anything else you should be doing whilst down there to avoid a second stooping down session.
3. You have a chore to do. You (metaphorically or actually roll your sleeves up) and announce the word ‘NOW!’, with a simultaenous nod of the head before embarking on said chore.
   
4. Should you bump into any old school/college friend around your own age, you are absolutely horrified about how old-looking they have become and you congratulate yoursel on retaining your own youthful good looks ( all the while harbouring a distinct, but unspoken fear that they are thinking EXACTLY the same thing about you).
5. Elasticated waistbands on trousers are perfectly acceptable.
   
6. Yout adult child living in England talks you into concealing 40 bottles of poteen in your car to bring over to him, with the comforting words “Sure? Who’d suspect an old lady of smuggling poteen. Be grand, Ma”.
   

Gimme an hour & I”ll think of more

You enjoy listening to Pat Kenny after spending your youth ashamed your parents did the same.

..

Your favourite singers are all retired , no one ask,s you for ID if you want to buy beer . You no longer have any interest in keeping up with new music .you just listen to classic hits radio .you don't understand all the new slang .what is rizz.You can remember when tv stations used to shut down at midnight.john peel or Dave fanning used to be your favourite dj .

You have to start taking blood pressure and cholesterol meds

People in their 20s / 30s having absolutely no idea as to any of your cultural references. It's very unsettling actually.

Neighbour calls to say she's having her 21st at the weekend, do you want to come do you mind if there's some noise?

You get a cut and it takes a week to heal instead of a few days.

You still have to convert kilometers back into miles

You still weigh yourself in stones

You own at least 1 cd

You remember when computers had a start menu

You know what a tape cassette is

You can compare the remake of Final Fantasy 7 with the original by memory

You get the 'i love it when a plan comes together' reference

You look at a young person and think 'god don't they have lovely soft skin'

Im 50.. I aint old then :)

You get a cut and it takes a week to heal instead of a few days. No

You still have to convert kilometers back into miles. No

You still weigh yourself in stones. No

You own at least 1 cd Yes

You remember when computers had a start menu. they still do!

You know what a tape cassette is. Yes

You can compare the remake of Final Fantasy 7 with the original by memory. No

You get the 'i love it when a plan comes together' reference. Yes

You look at a young person and think 'god don't they have lovely soft skin'. No

You see a historical event in a documentary and remember seeing it unfold live (Fall of the Berlin Wall)

You wear out your scroll wheel while trying to enter your date of birth on a website.

You see a vintage device (Disman, Minidisc Player, Palm PDA) and remember how desperately you wanted one (Damn, I kinda want to get a Sony Clié or a Palm Zire 71 now…)

You miss early to mid 2000s tech aesthetics

You remember sitting for hours in a traffic jam at a border crossing between Germany and Austria.

Your perfect weekend consists of a good book and some nice music on the speaker, maybe with a cup of coffee or tea in the afternoon.

You still remember the visceral fear of accidentally turning on wireless data on your phone because of the eye-watering cost.

getting the seniors discount in Woodies on a Thursday without having to ask for it

Very little hair on head; unwanted hair everywhere else. Also, can't help comparing the price of things to what they used to be. 7 quid for a pint? It was less than 2 quid a pint when I started going to the pub.

When seeking a partner you just look directly at the wedding fingers to see if it's a lost cause or not.

You know roughly how old you are but find you have to use a date calculator to get it exact unless you are near a big roundy birthday.

Having a full head of hair makes you feel you are still at your peak.

After a heavy night drinking you wake up the next day and first thing you do is check you still have all your teeth and no injuries to your body. The crumpled receipts in your jeans pocket are as good as any satellite tracking system to tell what you got up to.

You can remember the names of every single person you went to primary school with from a glance at the class photo but struggle to remember what you did last weekend.

You have a Hotmail or Yahoo email address.

When you fart if it's just gas that comes out it's a good day.