Family member asking to move back in, advice please?

#1 · 19-03-2025 10:42PM #1

This discussion was created from comments split from: Adult children living at home.

Bridget Clarke · 19-03-2025 08:47PM

Don’t want to derail this thread, but here I go. My brood have now fledged. 3 are home-owners (mortgage payers), last one has just got mortgage approval for a new build with his partner. They are looking to cancel the lease on their rented house & come live with us until their house is ready - earliest date November 2025. I’m conflicted. Me & himself have adapted astonishingly well to the empty nest thing. We enjoy the unrestricted lifestyle - nothing weird, just each of us enjoying having our own space. We completely understand the need for the youngsters to save a few bob. Do we charge them to live here while they are waiting for their new house? If so, what is fair? & what boundaries should be established? Note. Both of us are pensioners. We sometimes struggle to pay the ESB & routine bills like car insurance etc. We are far from wealthy. I’d appreciate the views of you guys. Thanks. Bridgey.

HildaOgdenx · 19-03-2025 10:46PM

Mod - I have split this into a separate thread to get advice focused on your particular situation @Bridget Clarke

All the best.

Seth Brundle · 19-03-2025 11:18PM

Have they proposed a financial arrangement for the months they stay there or are they looking to stay there for free?

Princess Calla · 19-03-2025 11:38PM

Realistically you can probably add another 6 months to their move out date.....though on the plus side they are sale agreed and will want to move out as soon as possible.

I definitely think a proper conversation is needed, to manage everyone's expectations.

They want to move home so they don't have to pay market rates but that doesn't mean they can't pay "mates rates" .

Definitely utilities should be split in half, food etc. Also need to figure out chores....to easy for you to fall back into "mammy" and end up doing everything.

Maxface · 20-03-2025 12:48AM

They will be looking to save money by moving in. Your outgoings will increase as there will be two other people living there. A healthy adult discussion is needed. Discuss fairly your concerns. Talk about finance and the need to recoup the extra expenses and some on top for the added inconvenience. If the two are anyway decent, they will see the benefit and be happy to hand over money. Best btw to set up a DD, you don't want to have to be asking for it. As for boundaries, set clear expectations on space and what is acceptable. It is your home and you have got used to it as the two of you. It will be fine though when that is sorted, good luck.

Hibernicis · 20-03-2025 01:14AM

HI Bridget

Your post sets out your position in a mature and adult way, which is a very good start. If you can express yourself as clearly when speaking with them it will make it easy. It is your house and while I’m sure you will want to assist them, having the ground rules set out clearly and talked through at the outset makes it easier for everybody. A number of my siblings have worked through similar scenarios with their adult children and the arrangements that worked best were the ones where the rules were clear from the start. And in at least one case (it involved grand-childminding) there had to be a bit of tough love for everybody’s sanity. One other thing that I always find useful is to say at the outset is that if anybody feels it’s not going to plan or is in any way aggrieved, do not let it fester, to speak up in an adult manner and discuss their concerns. It prevents explosive situations developing.

Best of luck with it.

zoobizoo · 20-03-2025 07:29PM

We moved in with my folks, both retired, with out 2 kids while my brother was doing the same.

Once You agree to simple finances (your extra bills) and who gets control of the remote controls, you should be grand. If you are sharing the same bathroom then work out times for kids baths and bedtimes.... oh, there are no kids... even better.

We took my folks out to dinner moat weeks and also made sure that they had their own space.

We only ended up staying there until we moved into the house that we bought. Think it was 2 months in total . Wasa better experience than I had thought it was going to be.... for everyone.

Xterminator · 21-03-2025 12:13PM

Hi OP

you probably know or can find out what they pay to rent a house. it will be thousands a month. I doubt they think they will live for free with 2 pensioners for 8-14 months. So there needs to be discussion about costs.

Id suggest 1/2 what they are paying in rent paid to you and you cover the bills . If tax issues might bite you - tell them its cash only. that should cover rent and bills with a bit to spare and allow them to save the other 1/2 each month towards new house.

A win win - if all parties agree. Re bathrooms etc. do you have 2? if so should not be a problem.

Seth Brundle · 21-03-2025 12:23PM

I had forgotten until I read @zoobizoo's post but something similar happened my folks when a sibling and their spouse returned from living in the US. They ended up spending most of their time in the small house and it was hard on my folks. I even had to take my folks out or take my sibling & spouse out just so my folks could get a break.
I'd provision for time apart (i.e. for them to go out somewhere) so you occasionally feel your house is your own

Dial Hard · 21-03-2025 03:55PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123284142#Comment_123284142

There's no tax implications involved in adult children paying their parents a contribution to live in the family home.

Should I charge my homebird adult children rent? – The Irish Times

Xterminator · 24-03-2025 12:32PM

If you are claiming state pension, disability, fuel allowance etc., you have to be very careful. OP's circumstances may not be the same as yours.

I advise checking carefully to see if there would be any tax implications.

Cash income : The DSP looks at your cash income (such as payment from work), that you or your spouse, civil partner or cohabitant may have.

How to qualify for a State Pension (Non-Contributory)
: Pass a means test, in which the Department of Social Protection looks at any income you have (see ‘Means test’ below)

To get Fuel Allowance you must: Live alone (or only with certain people listed below)
Be getting a qualifying payment (unless you are 66 or over)
Satisfy a means test

New Scottman · 29-03-2025 12:06PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123280212#Comment_123280212

Standing order not direct debit.

Family member asking to move back in, advice please?

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