What age to send to school?

gg11210423 · 17-01-2025 07:41AM #1

My child was born in March 2021 and I am really stuck as to when to send her to school. She will be 4yr 5months starting this year 2025 or 5yr 5months starting in 2026. I feel like she is well able in some ways but emotionally I'm not sure. If she goes to school this year, she will have only completed 1 year in pre-school but they have her in the "older" class there from she started and I'm afraid that all the people in her class will be moving onto school and she will be stuck there. Any help/experiences very welcomed!

Calahonda52 · 17-01-2025 07:56AM

In general, the evidence is that the loss of friends in the scenario you describe can have a significant impact on the child.

It was more of an issue when academic based streaming was to the fore but less so now due to a tendency, in most schools, except maybe the expensive private schools, where teaching is done to the lowest common denominator.

I have been observing this shift for the past 20 plus years on a weekly basis.

IMO, unless there are compelling reasons, new school, same class friends is better than same school new class friends as the story may be "she didn't make the cut".

Girls can be far more vindictive in this space than boys.

I can only image what its like with social media .

I wish you the best for your child😀

Westport Covies · 17-01-2025 08:08AM

we were in the same predicament. Feb birthdays for our two kids, so they started at 51/2. Both of them started national school without their buddies from preschool and both of them had a new friend group not long after.

They're in 4th and 5th class now. The younger kids in the class are noticeably immature versus the older kids in both.

Sono · 17-01-2025 08:55AM

We had same situation, daughter was March 2018, weren't sure what to do, asked the creche owner what she thought and she felt she was ready for it so after a lot of mulling over it we decided to send her at 4 1/2, so far so good and she seems to be getting on well.

No right or wrong answer in these scenarios I think, only thing is if you send them young, it allows for a potential year to stay back if that was ever needed(hopefully not)

Best of luck

BrokenArrows · 17-01-2025 09:37AM

I was always the youngest in my class with an April birthday. So i finished secondary at 17 and spent the majority of my first year in University at 17.
Apart from it being a bit annoying in some situations i think i would have been more academically successful if i had started a year later. I didn't struggle, but i do remember that on average the older kids in the class achieved better results which makes sense since at that age 1 year makes a big difference.

Depending on your childs natural intelligence level that 1 year can be the difference between struggling for their entire education or being totally fine.

We will have a similar choice to make in a few years, and i think i will lean towards letting them start a 5 years old, rather than 4.

star61 · 17-01-2025 09:39AM

I can only tell you my experience

We sent one of ours at 4, We wouldn’t if we had the chance again. He was definitely ready in all aspects but as he got older throughout school we found it was a drawback. For sport, work experience, driving and going out and even now college. He was always the youngest throughout school. A year would have made such a difference. We didn’t think past primary school.

Don’t get me wrong he excelled academically and socially but we think it would have been easier on him if he had been a year older.

BrokenArrows · 17-01-2025 09:42AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123065121#Comment_123065121

The problem is that being kept back a year can have a massive social impact on the child. Huge embarrassment and separation from any friends they have already made.
In my opinion there is no need to rush them into school just because they can deal with it. Why take the risk?

Obviously its easier on the parents as they no longer need to pay for childcare etc, but ultimately 1 year will make a significant difference to the childs ability to handle school. Both emotionally and academically.

Deeec · 17-01-2025 10:12AM

My view is that a child should not start school until the Sept after they turn 5.

I have 2 children with end of January birth dates. I was that person that thought it was right to start my eldest child at 4. She was the youngest in the class by over a year. She done fine in school but socially she was a bit immature compared to others. She also seems to get concepts a little bit later than her peers which is understandable. Homework was always difficult for her when she started school etc. She is in secondary now and in her teens and that year difference is still having an impact. It even caused problems outside of school in that she was not able to be in the same groups as her schoolfriends for GAA etc - which was a big problem

My youngest started at 5 and he is doing brilliantly in school in every way. He is confident, learns easily, able to do homework himself etc. There are a few very young kids in his class and although clever are very immature compared to the older kids. They have a very small attention span.

I regret bigtime sending my daughter to school age 4. Dont listen to anyone who tells you shes ready for school. Also she wont even remember her friends who move onto school this year - she will have a new set of friends who are more suited to her age to start school with.

Princess Calla · 17-01-2025 10:50AM

We based out decision on teenage years.

We didn't want them being the youngest in the peer group when drinking and s*x potentially started. No idea what direction their lives will go but this was a precaution in the hope they'll be a bit more mature when the shenanigans started.

My eldest is in the senior side of primary school now and there's kids a year younger and also kids with birthdays days in the difference.

The younger kids are becoming more noticeable with emotional regulation and just generally getting on with things.

My eldest is top of the class for maths and top 3 for everything else bar Irish they suck at Irish 😂. ....this definitely keeps the interest in school (now the teacher has suggested more advanced maths work for them so potentially they would have fared ok even if they started school younger).

Depending on the school there's no guarantee that the preschool class will remain together anyway. Tbh mine were great pals with 2-3 kids in their preschool class ..they are still in same class but they now have different interests and move in different circles, so you've no idea how the friendship dynamic will fare.

Kids are great at adapting so they will probably be grand in primary especially the first 4 years. Again I think a year ago gap between teenagers is massive plus teenagers are a lot more difficult to manage than children. So depends where you want your child to fall within their peer group (oldest or youngest)

griffin100 · 17-01-2025 11:02AM

Our first was born in April and we sent her at 4. She had lots of pre school time (as my wife owns an Creche) and ‘academically’ was well developed. However it was a mistake in retrospect for various reasons, including many of the ones mentioned above. She was just too young.

We sent our next three kids all at age 5 and that worked out much better in the long run. It may add a year to the age at which they finish secondary school, but if that’s of concern that can be regained by skipping TY (which none of mine have done).

Akrasia · 17-01-2025 11:23AM

I would recommend leaving it the extra year. A year at that age is a massive leap in development academically and socially. Keep them in pre-school where they can focus on play and social development and then when they go into Junior infants they'll be better prepared. The friends they have in their pre-school will move on, but be replaced by new friends in September, the old friends will be forgotten about quickly enough.

Plus think about it, if they're the youngest in the class, they'll be smaller and slower than the version of themselves a year later, less likely to be picked in the playground for tag, sports teams etc.

If they're into sports, would you prefer if they were struggling to get on the teams because they're smaller than the kids a year older then them?

All the way up to leaving cert, a year is still a lot even at 17/18 years old.

Life is competitive and school can be very tough.

Your Kid could well be fully able for Junior infants at 4 years old, but they'll be even more able for it at 5

Akrasia · 17-01-2025 11:27AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123065199#Comment_123065199

Yeah, don't send a kid to school thinking that holding them back a year when they're in school is an option.

There's nothing wrong with doing that if the child needs it later, but starting school with the plan to keep them back a year in reserve is just unnecessarily harmful to the child.

Keeping them in preschool for an extra year is very different to holding them back a year in primary school.

Princess Calla · 17-01-2025 11:33AM

You could check in the teaching forum. However I'm pretty certain there was a thread there in the last year or two discussing keeping a child back a year.

From what I remember, it is no longer the "done" thing. It has to be extreme circumstances. So I don't think keeping them back a year is an option.

LambshankRedemption · 17-01-2025 11:40AM

Going to Secondary School I was 12.7 and the class averaged an age of 13.5. I know this because it was on my first report card and the figures stuck in my head. I was the youngest in my class and was the youngest doing everything. If I could go back in time, I would have opted to wait a year. Doing various sports, I was nearly a year younger than some of the people I was competing against. Definitely not an advantage!

I bet if you asked pretty much any kid, would you prefer another year of pre-school or go to big school now, most would opt for more pre-school.

shane b · 17-01-2025 11:59AM

I have 3 children all with March birthdays. We sent our now 11 year old at 4 1/2. It took her a long time to settle from the creche way of life to school way of life and homework. Out of a class of 22 there are 4 that turn the same age within a month of each other. She is in 6th class now and doing very well.

We also have twins born march 2020 and we they are not going to school till September 25 till they are 5 1/2.

A friend of mine lives in kildare and their local school children have a rule that children have to be 5 or over in September.

Sono · 17-01-2025 12:42PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123065199#Comment_123065199

Childcare costs were not a factor for us in our decision making, child goes to afterschool which costs money.

Necro · 17-01-2025 01:55PM

Trust me OP you are not alone in all of this, we agonised over sending our second child with a February birthday at 4 or 5 but in the end we felt, developmentally it was better to hold off till 5. He is one of the oldest in his class now and while quite shy and softly spoken is very well thought of by the vast majority of his classmates... We will have a similar issue with our youngest who has an April birthday but will be more confident in holding off the extra year.

From my own experience I had mates in my class who had July birthdays and they always struggled both academically and socially to keep up with the older kids so that also had a bearing on when to send our second.

Dial Hard · 17-01-2025 02:10PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123065054#Comment_123065054

How many 4 and 5 year old girls do you think are on social media, exactly???

Strange post.

csirl · 17-01-2025 02:22PM

All depends on the child and their readiness. All 3 of my kids went to school at 4. Birthdays in Jan, March and April. 2 now in secondary. 1 still in primary. All had done 2 years of preschool beforehand.

All doing well academically and socially. All play sport in school and no issues with them being a little younger than some.

Reasons they went at 4:

Had done 2 years of pre-school. Getting bored of it and were ready to move on. Another year would have been a drag.

Kids generally pick up things/learn with the group their in. That they're a little younger/older makes no difference. This includes social skills. And sporting skills for those interesred in sport (progression more linked to hours of coaching than age).

Traditionally in Ireland, kids start school at 4. Our education system is geared up for this. Up to recently only kids with developmental issues started at 5. This delay to 5 thing is a recent trend.

If you start at 5 and do TY, the kid will turn 18 in 5th year and will be 19.5+ when they leave. Nothing more frustrating that being stuck in school, treated like a kid, when you're an adult. And possibly be in with 17 year olds (those not doing TY). When kids get to teenage years they want to move onto adulthood, otherwise you get frustration.

I would only delay a kid to 5 if the kid was not ready.

whelan2 · 17-01-2025 02:29PM

THere should be a set age here for starting school, like in the uk, it's 4

tommythecat · 17-01-2025 02:35PM

Couldn't agree more with most of the above. The later the better. Wait until they are 5.

I went at 4 1/2 and was the youngest pretty much throughout. Nearly had a full year done in college at 17. Always felt one step behind.

What age to send to school?

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