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Help When Denied Access -What to do

  • 13-12-2024 08:47PM
    #1
    Dumb Juan
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 109 ✭✭


    Hi,
    I am hoping for some practical advice please. Hopefully from someone who has experienced this problem before.
    My background is I am separated from my wife over 17 months but only moved out from the family home eleven months ago. We had legal mediation which before it broke down, agreed weekly maintenance, sharing of kids bills and how often I see the kids (the kids 12 & 15 years old). Both of us honoured this agreement (which neither of us signed). We have not been to court and have not negotiated & agreed a settlement arrangement between us.
    My wife wants to progress matters, particularly splitting of assets, of which I have more assets than her. She has said that the access arrangement is only temporary and finishes at the end of the 2024. After that I am not entitled to any access. I have shared her emails with my solicitor (& her solicitor). My solicitor said access should be done by a family mediator and not a solicitor. TBH my solicitor seems disinterested. I have emailed her a draft co-parenting schedule, asking for her views but she is refusing to engage, by saying it will be dealt with by the solicitors. Myself & ex communication is poor, we only communicate by email/whatsapp when it was verbal she was very aggressive. However I don’t believe she is a danger to the kids.


    So in January when I go to collect the kids on Friday evening for my weekend & she does not let them come with me, what do I do?What happens when you go to court for access rights? How long does it take to get a court order?
    Is there anything pre-emptive to be done, can I partially complete a form seeking court access but don’t lodge it unless I have to?
    Any advice on this would be gratefully received. Thanks.



Comments

  • #2
    CatLick
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 54 ✭✭CatLick


    She is using the kids as a bargaining chip both to intimidate you and maximise her position in court. However there are no formal arrangements and you don't have a court hearing. Nevertheless she hasn't actually prevented you seeing the kids. Just make sure she is aware you intend taking the kids and turn up as stated. If they aren't available than propose another arrangement and then another and then another. If all those fail than ask her what arrangements she wishes to put in place. She may well be bluffing. Always be reasonable and seriously think about applying for a separation/divorce/access if it's affordable for you.



  • #3
    FishOnABike
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,834 ✭✭✭FishOnABike


    I take it that when you say neither of you signed the agreement including access arrangements, it is in writing and is what has been observed to date.

    I would keep any discussions about access in writing. If current access arrangements have worked up to now there's no reason for them to be unilaterally changed or denied.

    If access is disrupted or denied to try manipulate you it would be important to have a 'papertrail' if it became necessary to apply to court for an access oder.

    Disrupting access to try manipulate you would not be looked on favourably. The primary conern whould be for what is best for the children.

    Your 15 year old will soon be 16 and old enough to make their own decisions.



  • #4
    CatLick
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 54 ✭✭CatLick


    As above, your older teen will make their own decisions soon. Just bear in mind the younger child will take their cues off what applies to the older. So make sure you keep the older on board even if it means less or less predictable access. And in any dispute, the reasonable person makes the other person look less reasonable. But anything unreasonable you do is going to be perceived as ten times worse then her unreasonableness. So don't lose your temper and keep a paper trail.



  • #5
    Dumb Juan
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 109 ✭✭Dumb Juan


    Thanks CatLick & FishOnABike I understand the importance of a paper-trail & being reasonable & the importance of not being angry.

    Am I right in thinking in essence do nothing until I am denied access? Is that right & then only apply to court when my access is disrupted?

    Just to note we are getting divorced, both of us have solicitors but we have yet to have a settle negotiation.



  • #6
    CatLick
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 54 ✭✭CatLick


    Hi DumbJuan. Thats it in a nutshell. Always be reasonable but hold her to account for any unreasonableness. Hope you ve a peaceful Christmas and get to spend lots with your kids.



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  • #7
    spaceHopper
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,154 ✭✭✭spaceHopper


    Make sure you screen shot all WhatsApp messages, if she turns on disappearing messages they could vanish



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