Will it ever be ok?

Noone important · 29-10-2023 04:08AM #1

Thank you all for your help. Have deleted it now as am not going to send it.

You're right. it would make things worse and not solve anything. I appreciate that insight.

We are in contact every day and I do my best to support her. She is in touch with Womens Aid about her husband. She lives about a mile away from her father but he and her husband have teamed up to turn onr grandchild against her.

Thank ypu again for your input.

tea and coffee · 29-10-2023 04:58AM

Much and all as you wish the letter would make a difference and cause him to have an epiphany, it won't.

In fact, it may just pour petrol on the situation, making life more difficult for your daughter, and even potentially having her be angry at you for contacting him.

I know you're angry and upset, and worried about your daughter, but you would be far better off being there for your daughter, and supporting her

airy fairy · 29-10-2023 09:47AM

Don't send a letter like this. It will only make things worse and rake up anger. It will leave your daughter in a very vulnerable position.

I would be concentrating on contacting your daughter, without his knowledge, and supporting her, rather than, what seems to me, is you having your say.

What's done is done, what has been said about you had been said, whether true or not. You cannot change the past, and from the sounds of it, you'll never change him, or get him to understand or take on your views.

I would probably recommend you seek out a good family counseling service, for yourself to begin with. They can give you the tools to dealing with this and guide you through what you feel you need to do as regards to your daughter

CramCycle · 29-10-2023 09:53AM

FFS, don't send it, you want to do something, report him to gardai about the underage porn. It will escalate, and if he is already being abusive to family members, you have no idea where it will go. If you want to send a letter anywhere, send it to your kids and explain what things he has said that are lies. He won't change due to a letter form someone he doesn't know anymore.

Big Bag of Chips · 29-10-2023 09:58AM

Don't send the letter. Write it and burn it. He is not reasonable so trying to reason with him will not get you the result you hope. It will be turned against you. It will be turned against her. Your letter isn't what you think it is. He will see it as an attack on him, not a request for kindness towards his daughter. It will make everything worse.

Encourage your daughter to distance herself if possible. Is she living with him? If so encourage her to leave. She is in a domestic violence situation. She needs to get out and not be subjected to that from him. Encourage her to contact Women's Aid.

Do not engage with him. Support her.

Edit: if you know he engages in child pornography then you have to report it. That's not something you get to keep your word on.

29-10-2023 10:03AM

Do not sent that letter.

There is an underlying threat in it, and I guarantee it will have the affect of throwing petrol on a bomb fire.

Concentrate on your daughter.

Goodigal · 29-10-2023 10:29AM

Don't send this letter. You've gotten it off your chest, so burn it. Do not try to dig up the hurt and disrespect from your past. It will only make things worse.

As others have said, supporting your children and grandchildren is more worthy of your energy.

Look after yourself. You've got a lot going on.

Will it ever be ok?

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