Help..Junior cert student refusing to go to school

JCParent · 23-08-2023 07:14AM #1

Our daughter is going into 3rd year in September however is refusing to return to school due to feeling very isolated/bullied in her class (Ive had a few sessions with the school counsellor to work on a ‘bullying coping strategy’ but to no avail, they refuse to move her). She turns 16 in October as she repeated first year after a disastrous 1st year in Covid we decided to let her start fresh again. She is definetly depressed and has shut herself down, cannot talk to her at all (like living with a grenade), point blank refusing to go back to school (we are at our wits end trying to make things ok for her), my worry is that if she ‘studies’ at home she’ll not get up to do anything (v lazy) & isolate herself further.. also theres the CBAs to complete. Homeschool.ie say for JC students need to attend a regular school as well as taking their course, so looks like she is stuck. I just want her to have the chance to go to college eventually as she has always talked about it, without a JC not sure what impact that has on the LC. Would love some guidance if anyone has been through same?

Pawwed Rig · 23-08-2023 07:20AM

Can you move her to a different school?

Not sure what a "bullying coping strategy" is but it sounds like they are not sorting out the bullying but rather making her live with it.

Repeating 1st year might not have been the best idea so a fresh start elsewhere might help.

DarceyEllie · 23-08-2023 07:25AM

Also have a chat with your GP. Get her a referral to a psychologist/ counsellor to have a safe place to talk and maybe build up her confidence/ get her the tools to be able to deal with the bullies. Good luck with it all. Very stressful.

JCParent · 23-08-2023 07:27AM

She transferred to this school last year due to bullying in her last school so I’m done with the bullying strategies tbh I just want her to get to a state of less stress around learning, not messing up her own life due to a few teens with issues😱

iniscealtra · 23-08-2023 09:01AM

I would say to her that avoiding problems is not going to fix them but make them worse. Try to chat to her about that. It’s important to be resilient and that means not running away from things. Be clear that staying in the house is not an option especially if no-one is there. Not going to happen. Organise a meeting with the principal to discuss this with her.

Talk to her about Youthreach as an alternative. Make it clear that it is the other option. Staying in the house is not an option.

https://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/education/vocational-education-and-training/youthreach/

Talk about work and explain that for kids her age it is illegal to work during school time and that is it legally required that she in education until 16. Explain that you are unable to home-educate. There are also inspections for home educators. So home education means learning and work on her part.

Her choices are school or Youthreach or home education. Sitting around the house is not an option.

Furze99 · 23-08-2023 09:19AM

https://henireland.org/

Plenty of support here if you want to explore this route but it will be more work for you.

Flinty997 · 23-08-2023 09:40AM

Perhaps be open to alternative paths though school. Many people are unable to deal with school, or the school environment, bullying etc. But return to it later after secondary. Also consider she has the luxury of time. So doesn't have to follow the traditional timeline.

Consider the plc route. Attend an open day. They are familiar with situations like this and it might take the pressure off to know there are alternatives and teachers that take a different route then happens in school.

HazeDoll · 23-08-2023 09:41AM

As Iniscealtra said above, it's vital that she doesn't form the impression that she'll be sitting around enjoying the comforts of home. Make it very clear that this is not a possible outcome of school refusal.

Tell her you'll do whatever needs to be done in terms of arranging psychologists etc. to support her because you are determined to solve the problem rather than allowing it to continue.

It might be worth striking a deal about homework as a short-term compromise. Her teachers might give her an exemption from homework in order to encourage her to attend classes. You will need to assure them that you fully understand that this will have consequences in terms of her educational attainment but you're willing to accept that.

I would avoid mentioning third level education to her at all. To a third year student the LC and life after school is a very distant prospect, and probably overwhelming.

HazeDoll · 23-08-2023 10:51AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121015512#Comment_121015512

Definitely consider doing a PLC, but she needs to complete second level first. There are places for adults returning to education without a LC but she's still only 15 and can't just sit around waiting to qualify for one of those places.

Purple Mountain · 23-08-2023 10:21PM

Can you sus out if there is a nice guidance counsellor in the school?

Or who her year head will be?

Sometimes, being taken under a wing by someone a child looks up to/trusts can be the opening to a breakthrough.

brokenbad · 10-10-2023 04:17PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058310438/help-junior-cert-student-refusing-to-go-to-school

I can empathise with your situation as we are having the exact same issue with our 15 yr old daughter in 3rd year - she's crippled with social anxiety and refuses to attend school where due to her quiet and sensitive nature she has been the subject of repeated bullying and taunts from other classmates.

She managed to get through first year relatively unscathed (partly due to remote schooling because of Covid-19), second year came and she started to miss days sporadically - but since 3rd year started she has missed over 15 days to date and it's only October.

We have spoke to the year head and school chaplain multiple times, and in fairness they have acted on the bullying incidents and disciplined the perpetrators, however this hasn't resolved the issue. They have also tried to make things easier for her in the classroom but to no avail.

She won't communicate with anyone outside of her immediate family, has no friends inside or outside school and does not participate in sporting or social activities. It is very stressful on the whole family and we are at our wits end. Have tried going down the counselling route - waste of time as she would not engage.

We are now beginning to suspect that she may be suffering from mental health issues or possibly some form of autism spectrum disorder and have applied for CAMHS support but were told there is something like a 6 month wait list for these services.

We have since gone down the private route to arrange the services of a clinical psychologist - maybe a diagnosis might provide clarity, but in the short term we have exhausted all options. Any day she does attend school - we consider a bonus at this stage.

Tombo2001 · 11-10-2023 03:51PM

This is a really really difficult situation and I am really loathe to say anything at all given that (i) I havent really experienced it and (ii) its too easy to state the obvious and/or make glib suggestions.

Our eldest refused to go to school a bit last year, so far this year its ok. Its very very tough. There is no textbook for this.

The only thing I'd say possibly with our own is that he is in a better place mentally this year than he was last year. And less inclined therefore to turn around and say he isnt going in today.

He's done a lot of cool things in the past 12 months, had a nice holiday over summer, I brought him on some nice short breaks last winter/ spring, he went on gaeltacht that sort of stuff so that I think he just felt better about himself. I wont say this 'worked' for him, because it wasnt like a strategy or plan or anything, but rather it just worked out that way. Like you say, a lot of kids were in a bad way coming out of Covid. Then your child has this trauma, if I can use that word, of having to change school due to being bullied. Forget about school - what does she have in her life that makes her feel good about herself. Encourage that, whatever it is.

Help..Junior cert student refusing to go to school

Comments