Bumped into ex, unsure next step

Ninjafan12 · 29-06-2022 10:35AM #1

Hey all,

Seeking some help please, 33 female :)

So Monday evening I bumped into my recent ex, I broke it off with him before christmas as I was dealing with some personal stuff and didnt have the head space to keep the relationship going. I didnt handle it well, did it over text and blanked him, immature I know but as I said my head was all over the place and I just wanted get myself sorted.

Fast forward to now and I am in much better place and just happened to bump into him on grafton street, we spoke for a bit and ended up going for a coffee. It was nice to see him and yes I am still attracted to him. As we were leaving, he caught me off guard, handed me a small sealed envelope and said it was for me and left. Naturally I opened it and it was old receipts from our dates together and on some he wrote few sweet things.

I never knew he had these or that he was sentimental and I dont know what to think. I still find him attractive and I know I hurt him and maybe thats why he left straight away.

Any thoughts friendly boardsies? :)

Markus Antonius · 29-06-2022 10:39AM

Ghosting people is a sad tactic. Leave him alone now, you had your chance.

retalivity · 29-06-2022 10:39AM

So you randomly bumped into an ex you hadn't seen or spoken to in 6 months, and he happened to be carrying an envelope with old receipts and a letter for you? That's a bit...strange

Donald Trump · 29-06-2022 10:41AM

I'd be a bit worried if someone I bumped into, whom I hadn't seen in 6 months, just happened to be carrying around a sealed envelope full of receipts related to me.............unless it was someone chasing me for money to pay the receipts.

Sounds a bit stalkerish. You sure your meeting was "accidental"? Do you walk through there regularly? Is he a literal ninja?

Ninjafan12 · 29-06-2022 10:59AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119265848#Comment_119265848

No letter but yes to everything else.

Ninjafan12 · 29-06-2022 11:03AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119265864#Comment_119265864

Ha I wasn't worried, but now that you and others point it out, it does sound bit strange.

Yes because I have moved to different area and have different job from when we last spoke and he also has new job and neither of us are on the southside so yeah it felt accidental and not a ninja move :-D

retalivity · 29-06-2022 11:03AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119265962#Comment_119265962

Sorry yes, i meant the notes written on the letters. That's a bit weird, and opens up a heap of other questions. Has he been carrying it every day walking up and down grafton st? Or is it something more sinister. 6 months has passed, you ghosted him, he seems a bit stalker-y, both of you are better off away from each other and moving on.

Ninjafan12 · 29-06-2022 11:03AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119265844#Comment_119265844

ok thanks for that

Ninjafan12 · 29-06-2022 11:06AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119265988#Comment_119265988

I don't know, I didn't get to ask and haven't been in contact since nor has he.

29-06-2022 11:12AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119266008#Comment_119266008

by the sounds of it, you could just open up your window and ask him.

In all seriousness, I wouldn't imagine it was anything sinister but it is odd. He obviously hasn't gotten over you. Or maybe after your last meeting he has closure and is free from his memories because he gave you back the receipts.

Odd, if a little sad, behaviour. Seems like you really had an impact on him.

Ninjafan12 · 29-06-2022 11:18AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119266049#Comment_119266049

its funny, my older sister said pretty much same thing as you. She reckoned it was his way of saying, I fucked him over and this is what I have lost.

Think I will wait few days to see how I feel, might be best to leave it in the past

Donald Trump · 29-06-2022 11:20AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119265984#Comment_119265984

Perhaps he's such a good ninja that you don't even know he is one, and that's what attracted you to him in the first place.

NiceFella · 29-06-2022 11:41AM

How long did you date him before the break up? I'm assuming not that long if you broke it off by text. I do think it is odd that he has all these receipts on him but if he was going with you a while I wouldn't consider it that bad. I'd agree with your sister on that, he leaving a message of how he felt about it. It would not be my way any way but to each there own.

It's clear he really really liked you. However It seems to me that you were not all that into him if you hadn't been that aware of his absence until a chance meeting.

irelandrover · 29-06-2022 11:44AM

id say he was struggling to get over you due to how you ended it, and was carrying these around.

Bumping into you and having the coffee gave him the closure he needed. And hence he could give away the thing that reminded him of you.

Ninjafan12 · 29-06-2022 11:54AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119266174#Comment_119266174

It was close to 6 months.

I wouldn't say I was not aware of his absence, I had alot going on and I felt at the time the best way for me to look after me was to end it and give me time to myself. Did I think of him after the fact, yes I did but I wanted to be a better version of me so kinda blocked him out and worked on myself.

I did tell him I loved him and I really did but I just wasn't able to give myself into it as I was not in a good space.

Ninjafan12 · 29-06-2022 11:58AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119266186#Comment_119266186

my sister said same and to give it some time that no matter what I do now, I shouldn't rush into anything

NiceFella · 29-06-2022 12:16PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119266255#Comment_119266255

I think your sister is right. If you are in a better head space now, then best not unsettle that and keep going with your progress.

Not to be negative but it's important to say that it sounds like you hurt this chap a bit. A call in my opinion was much more appropriate in the circumstances.

Ninjafan12 · 29-06-2022 12:21PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119266331#Comment_119266331

Thanks for the response. Apt name :)

Yes I can definitely see that and probably more so after this and yes I can agree I should have handled it better

Thanks again

o1s1n · 29-06-2022 12:24PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119266186#Comment_119266186

So do you think him having these in his pocket and bumping into here were completely coincidental?

I'm not saying he's a stalker, but the chances of the above happening are very very small unless premeditated.

29-06-2022 12:26PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119266367#Comment_119266367

I dunno man. It's a little "Dawson's Creek" for my liking, but if he loved the girl, holding onto some keepsakes in his wallet to remind him of her isn't beyond the realms of possibility and much more likely than him being a stalker.

Ash.J.Williams · 29-06-2022 12:36PM

did he want payment for the receipts? 😂

odd things to carry around considering it was a random encounter

xzanti · 29-06-2022 12:42PM

You didn't 'bump' into him. He was following you. Nobody carries a little envelope full of receipts around.

o1s1n · 29-06-2022 12:42PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119266378#Comment_119266378

I wonder is there a space somewhere between stalker and Dawson's Creek?

'I'm going to keep these in a sealed envelope my pocket in the off chance that I bump into her as I know she takes this route regularly'.

6 months later the above actually happens.

Bandana boy · 29-06-2022 12:55PM

He has a doll back in his house made from your hair , run a mile !!

29-06-2022 01:07PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119266442#Comment_119266442

Now if we are talking about an a4 envelope, you may have a point, but a small little tiny envelope with a couple of receipts in it doesn't take up much space in a tiny back pocket of a wallet.

I went out with a girl who used to keep cinema ticket stubs, concert tickets and receipts from dates we went on in the back of her purse. This guy might have done the same and not gotten around to clearing out his wallet or couldn't bring himself to just throwing away the memories. He could have taken this chance encounter to offload them back to the girl he was in love with and get some closure.

It's unusual but hardly stalkerish.

I hope the poor fucker doesn't read boards.

Tefral · 29-06-2022 01:25PM

OP, I'm a firm believer in what you do at the time (even if you messed it up) was the right decision to make.

Usually when you look back at things you only see what you want to see so if you are in a better place now its best move on.

Ill put it this way: When you go for a shower you don't go and put back on your old clothes.

o1s1n · 29-06-2022 01:27PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119266561#Comment_119266561

It sounded from the OP as if it was more than just a few loose receipts though, it was a small sealed envelope with receipts which had things written on them.

Why seal an envelope unless you're planning to give it to someone?

I dunno, maybe I'm reading into a bit too much, I'd find it a bit strange myself though if an ex of mine from 6 months ago handed me a sealed envelope full of receipts from our dates with things written on them.

29-06-2022 01:30PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119266441#Comment_119266441

Not true, iirc, Orson Welles used to a carry a letter to an ex he couldn't get over on him at all times. One day, by chance, he had the opportunity to give her the letter and they got back together. Also, iirc, when Michael Collins was shot they found fabric ivy leaves in his pocket that he'd taken from a wedding he had attended on which he'd written the names of the people he'd been to wedding with. Some men are sentimental, no shame in it, even if it's a trait I dislike in myself....

Anyhow, OP, if you loved this person how on earth did you break up by text? Think you need to be sure of yourself and your own feelings before you re-open any old wounds here. Good luck all the same.

Feisar · 29-06-2022 01:32PM

The OPs ex read the Art of Seduction or some such waffle and planned this meeting.

29-06-2022 01:34PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119266645#Comment_119266645

Oh it's certainly strange.

Might have been a few loose receipts in a small envelope, then when he went to the jacks to seal it and then gave it to her.

Plenty of variables open up a fair few more explanations before I would jump on the stalker scenario though :)

Speaking of strange though, I have a friend who has kept a used condom from when he lost his virginity back in 1998. (thankfully he doesn't carry it around in his wallet to give back to the girl he used it on)

JoChervil · 29-06-2022 03:11PM

Nothing wrong with a premeditated closure, if it was so. He had a full right to do it. I find this way quite interesting. It would give me a peace of mind and some self esteem back, if I was a dumped person. But that's it.

I wouldn't hold my breath counting for a great relationship after you finished it so bluntly. I don't think he would be able to trust you again. And if I were you, I wouldn't be able to trust him as well. If he was able to plan giving you this envelope, you don't know, if he didn't plan more hurtful breakup for you later on. With such starting point - with no trust from both sides - I would keep away from him. Especially that you didn't care much about him 6 months ago. He was not good enough for you in your bad days, so I don't think he will be good enough for you in your good days. I would save myself next bad breakup. Or at least be aware that making it work will require a lot of work from both sides. So only you know, if it is worth pursuing.

BTW, if it was a woman carrying it around, I wouldn't be surprised. Being a woman, I know, how many unnecessary things I have in my bag...

Bumped into ex, unsure next step

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