Dating a slow texter

I would say that I don't get attached with many guys at all so when a potential comes along I start thinking about every little detail. I'm certainly overthinking things but I just can't help it. Maybe it's because I've had doubts about past relationships in the past which turned out to be true.

For instance, right now I'm taking every postponement of a date as a red flag. He's done it twice to me before and now when I tried to arrange another date his previously free evening is suddenly full! I know that can happen, but personally in my early stages of dating someone I'm keen on I would move things around to be able to go on a date. Maybe that's just me. Now he's tried to rearrange but I find myself playing a sort of game saying I'm not available either because I don't want to be the one living my life to his diary!

Normally if I go on dates I would only stop swiping if I saw serious potential, which isn't very often. I stopped swiping and messaging guys after our first date this time round. It's funny because I seem to be thinking about him way more after our last date where I started to doubt things when I started thinking about his slow texting, date postponement and being on dating apps.

I think it's too early to talk exclusive, but maybe I should just keep it casual for the next few dates (if they happen) and not do anything sexual until we have that talk.

I know you say there's no right way, but what is the best approach to texting for me in this instance? Is it to copy his style and wait a few hours before responding, or reply instantly as I usually do with anyone I'm messaging? Sometimes I feel foolish for jumping to reply and he doesn't get back to me until the next day!

As I mentioned above, I think I'll take it casual until it gets to the bedroom!

I agree with you on all the above, but it's hard to deal with point A. I overthink things. Just look at this thread for a fine example! I am seriously considering going back on the apps and talking to other guys because at the moment I feel I have all my eggs in one basket. Will also help focus my thoughts on other things when there's nothing else to think about!

That's what I thought, but then his constant positive messages and always trying to arrange dates (despite being busy and postponing a couple) is making me very confused!

Maybe it's a texting style for some people? He does send a lot of texts in one go, like it could be up to 10 messages. Maybe he's worried about the conversation going on all day if he replies instantly and we'll run out of things to say!

I have only responded to his texts with about the same amount of messages each time. The only difference is that I respond maybe within an hour. The rest of the stuff isn't fully accurate, but he wouldn't know it anyway.

You could be right and he's waiting for the right time to reply, or thinking about what he wants to say. Maybe he's trying to play it cool? Who knows.

Someone mentioned that effort is a reflection of interest which is a good point and I'd agree with it. What I don't know is if this is a lack of effort. He does respond to all my messages, albeit a bit slowly. He asks questions and seems genuinely interested in me. If he is busy and can't make a date he will rearrange straight away (and always asks when are we meeting again).

Maybe I'm just being overly serious about this and need to take a casual approach. I think I'll step back on the messages and not get hung up on when we're meeting again. I doubt he's thinking this much about me right now!

It's funny, if everyone responded saying it's normal then I'd say that I was overthinking and overreacting. But then when someone replies and thinks it's a negative sign it adds credence to my doubts! Maybe it's best not to ask!

I appreciate the response.

The plan is just to be a bit more casual about this. Staying active on the dating apps to keep my options open, only be available when I'm actually available and not to read into texting behaviour or him cancelling dates. Focus on how the actual dates go. Can't do much else!

In reality he only cancelled one date. It was a loose "we should meet on this date" without any specific time or place. He messaged earlier in the day saying that he was too tired. The next time he arranged a date, but then retracted it before I had a chance to reply saying that he forgot other plans he had! The last time was when he tried to arrange something I was unavailable, but then I was able to move things around and then later told him I could meet him then suddenly his day was full and couldn't meet.

Maybe it's not as bad as it first seems.

Is that not very much a generalisation. Not to be cocky, but I would have said I was open and charming (at least on these dates) but I don't have anyone else on the side!