Perfect on the outside, sham on the inside…

How do you know that she didn't try?

And as far as "he does nothing around a house" came from his own admission as having chaotic job, which doesn't allow for it...

Anamcheasta - you have to be single because no person in a grown up relationship with kids would have posted what you just did.

Being honest it sounds like OP has neglected his wife just as much as his wife has neglected him. It sounds like he expects her to behave in the exact same way as before she had children re sex and intimacy. It sounds like he gives her no help or support with the babies at all! Relationships change temporarily through life experiences - that is part of marriage. Some men are not suited to family life at all.

May I ask if you have children?

Do you usually expect to impregnate a room-mate?

You knew that her family of origin had a different idea of what a long term relationship looks like to yours (parent bed sharing or not). But you still married her.

Get yourself some counselling.

Sorry it isn’t going well OP.

It’s v hard to get a real perspective cos it’s only one persons side of it, but why on earth is your wife refusing to go to counselling? It seems v strange when the relationship has gotten so bad. If someone won’t do that at a crisis point it doesn’t augur well.

Also, is there anything positive you can say about your wife? Did you love her at one time?

Not to invalidate your situation at all, but do keep your kids in mind. I’m not saying you haven’t, just be sure you do.

I honestly don't see any women ganging up on the OP.

People are pointing out that the baby years are tough especially for the mum and it takes time for relationships to return to some resemblance of life prebaby.

Being a stay at home mum can be very isolating and confidence levels can really take a battering. Plus for the last 18 months alot of services , breastfeeding support, mum and baby yoga, toddler play groups have all been shut down (granted they are opening up again) so the usual ways of meeting new mum's and widening your support network have been impacted. Then to top it off they live in a different country from family so family support is also not easily available.

So with this in mind the OP maybe the only person that the wife has a face to face adult conversation with. However he has decided to isolate her further by giving her the silent treatment. Then leave the family home. Why? Because jiggy was off the table for a while? .... again all the information we were given here is her parents sleep in separate rooms? But maybe full responsibility for contraception is falling on the wife and the fear of an accident is overwhelming her right now, maybe 18 months of pregnancy, 12 months of breastfeeding, so 30 months out of 60 when you have another person completely dependent on your body has taken its toll both mentally and physically on her.

There's so many unknowns and both parties are probably somewhat at fault, communication doesn't seem to be great. But at the end of the day it's the OP that packed his bags and left.

At this present time I'm not sure what counseling would/will achieve.

Right now 2 small children, family in another country, there's only so much energy both physical and mental a person can give. No amount of talking through is going to change that fact.

Life is extremely full on as a stay at home mum, there's no sick days, no annual leave, financially you're dependent on someone else, which can bring its own problems.

Your day starts around 6am with mammy, mammy, mammy and continues in a similar vein until 19/19:30 , constant demands during the day, can't even get to the toilet in peace. Then when you finally fall into bed having another person put another demand on you and your body can sometimes be too much. That's just the stark reality of life with a young family for alot of people.

As the kids grow and become more independent it does get easier. So if the youngest got to say 4 and sexlife was still off the table then I think yes counseling would help.

But right now it just seems counseling is being put forward for the wife to change her behaviour to suit the OP and his wants and needs. When that was rejected silent treatment happened, when that was called out, the OP moved out.

But there is definitely an issue, her husband is so unhappy he’s ready to leave.

If someone knows that and still won’t even try counselling it’s very hard to see any hope.

OP, I have had a situation very similar to yours.

Having young kids is draining, but in both my and your cases the issue started before kids (many posters are missing this fact), and in my case it went on long after they became teenagers.

As in your case, my partner refused to discuss the problems openly or come to couples counseling with me.

Also as in your case, I feel my partner's parents provided a model for how she viewed a "normal" marriage.

The situation has affected me greatly, and in recent years my mental health has suffered. People have to remember, it's not just about sex, it's intimacy more generally. We are now separating, years down the road. In hindsight I wish we'd split years ago, when I would have had more years ahead of me to rebuild my life financially and in other ways. As it stands, leaving it this long means my partner will be pretty well set up, while I (as the father/husband) will struggle.

My advice is to try hard to fix the issues. If you can't, then act decisively and kill the relationship; you have plenty of life ahead of you.

I tried to point out that blame in a relationship is usually on both sides. We are talking about a top of an iceberg here. And how do you know she didn't try to talk earlier and didn't ask for help?

People usually don't want to talk, when they stopped seeing sense in talking.

From OP's post "Not going into too much more detail but too many examples of jeckyll and Hyde type behaviour putting on a front to everyone and coming home in the evening and taking it out on me the second she comes in the door (hence the title). I’ve been walking on egg shells for months".

So she is communicating but probably not in a civil manner. So what is she exactly doing? Is she beating him, saying an abuse? Why? At such time people say, what they find difficult and what is a problem. The weaker the person and the more overwhelmed, the stronger emotional reaction. Some people are not able to ask for help in time. I am not justifying her actions.

For me it is a communication issue from both sides. They both talk but in times, when another party doesn't want to hear it or engage in a conversation.

Well i think you've done a pretty good job on that front :-)

The OP isn't looking to blame his wife, he's simply looking for a way to save his marriage, not seeking justification for him to leave.

So if you think his wife has stopped seeing sense in talking, what would you advise him to do? Is the marriage dead in the water at this stage?

They hurt each other because they can't get positive reaction from each other, so like kids they want at least negative reaction to see that they matter

Good point.

So what is the OP's best course of action in your view?