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Good for a grin....

Streets flooded. Please advise. – Robert Benchley, telegram to his mother on arriving in Venice.


Lady Astor: If you were my husband, Winston, I'd put poison in your tea.

Winston Churchill: And if I were your husband, Nancy, I'd drink it.

Lady Astor (to Churchill, slurring in Commons): “Sir! You are drunk!”

Churchill: “Yes, milady, I am, and you are ugly. But, in the morning, I shall be sober.”


Gent: “Sir! How dare you fart before my wife!”

Farter: “I do apologise. I didn’t realise it was her turn.”


"I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album."
Rita Rudner.


"I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something."
George Burns.


"The only way you can beat the lawyers is to die with nothing."
Will Rogers.